"The curse allegedly causes cramps, fever, and vomiting so severe that healthy men have died from it."
Ah, sounds like a case of severe salmonella poisoning from poorly cooked fowl!
I like this submission - it's not often enough that we get simply a believable lifeform that isn't all-powerful or with some strange quirk.
This is easily something you could find on planet earth. Go to Comment
I salute thee, captain, for setting this loose upon the citadel.
Aah, the betrayer is betrayed by the creature he was going to use to do the betrayal!
There are two points of this submission that I like most: First bieng the fact that the Cutsman was 'awake' during it's macabre creation, and I especially like how it mimics the remnants of its creators, right down to kneeling before statues and sleeping.
I'd both love and hate to be in a roleplay where the party is slowly walking through these deserted, bloodstained halls, and they turn a corner to see this blademan knelt before the statue of a god, softly gargling and chirring a prayer.
The Man of Blades. The Knife Demon... The terrible and feared CUTSMAN! Go to Comment
I really like this - And I love the thought of a master thief calling himself the greatest thief in in kingdom bieng succesfully stalked by a goblin simply to have this 'great thief's' tale published. Go to Comment
Can I just say that out of all of this, I like the idea of the "Lost" Plot most. The thought of the only way to kill the zombies is by shattering that which was their 'life' while they were alive. Very nice!
On top of all that: A good, solid mythical weapon: I can imagine only several places that this item could be in current time: Unused, in a temple devoted to Axtrami. Lost somewhere in or beneath the desert; perhaps at the site of a great battlefield. Stolen and hoarded by the "Sect of the shattered orb". Or in a foreigners private collection of artefacts, after having stolen it from the Ouzquin Dremorix at one stage.
Anyway. I know my vote is a bit biased. Either way, 4.5/5. Go to Comment
Let me just say one thing, Abock: Your attitude towards criticism is very commendable. We get people that join this site once in a while who make a poor post, and then when we pick it to pieces, they get upset and leave. Your positive learning attitude will help you become a great poster with practice, so thumbs up to that! :) Now! Onto the submission:
Please pay attention to where things should be posted. This should be posted in the NPC section. An NPC is a "Non Player Character", which basically is any specific intelligent lifeform.
Here's an example of the differences between NPC's and Lifeforms.
NPC's: King Arthur, Merlin, George Bush, Count Dracula.
Lifeforms: Homo Sapien, Felines, dragons, vampires.
The grammar and sentence structure of your posts make reading it feel a bit awkward. What I suggest to fix this, is that you should write out your entire submission, then submit is as "In work: Hidden". Leave it for a day, then come back to it and read over it. If it doesn't make sense, THEN edit it and post it. You tend to find a lot more mistakes when your ideas and thoughts aren't in your head.
Furthermore, this website comes with a 'spell check' button - it's there for a reason, and it's better to use it than to have someone take points off a submission because of a few silly mistakes.
Now, apart from those problems, it's obvious you have some good ideas in you - I can see where you're going with this submission, and it's not a bad idea.
Anyway. Don't be discouraged by low marks - we all start somewhere; some of us at the very bottom! Good luck in future ideas! Go to Comment
This post got progressively better each line I read. It started off as average at best, but by the end of it, I was fairly interested. There's nothing like solitary confinement to gnaw at one's mind. Go to Comment
I don't tend to give em out, but hey: 5/5. This submission really appeals to me.
Wulfhere: What I like about your submissions, is that they are a fresh breath: After so long here, you begin to subconsiously pick up the writing styles of the people who post often. This is not those subs a BAD thing; on the contrary, most of the people in this site make top-quality material, but having a new person in with great ideas and a fresh way of presenting them makes posts all the more interesting. Go to Comment
"I throw the powder at the bars of the cage!"
- "In midair, the powder turns to a sticky slime substance and lands on the bars with a 'Splork!'. A steady trail of smoke appears as the slime eats away at the bars. After three seconds, the slime slides off the bars and begins slowly slipping towards you, rythmically making disgusting sounds reminiscent of bodily functions. The cement floor begins eating away slowly wherever the slime touches it."
"I .. er... uh... RUN!"
I like the powder :)
I nice little compendium of unintentionally dangerous items. Go to Comment
Opens more opportunities for Druids and Necromancers. :)
Druids may pursuade the groups of animals to share that magic with them, so when they are around a pack of creatures, perhaps they can cast more powerful spells more easily.
And as for necromancers, crushing the life out of each of these creatures and absorbing their life force as their own (Such as my soul mage, Tarquin, does), could mean more power for them. Which could also be a plot idea, in that in a community of druids, an unnamed foe is destroying all animal life around, the adventurers are either druids who used to share life with these creatures, or are outsiders hired by the druids to put a stop to it.
A nice thought - would be good for Mojena: what if plants had the same thing - as more of them grow in groups, woodcutters may find forest trees more difficult to cut down than lone trees. Or large bunches of poison ivy more irritating to the skin than small amounts.
Perhaps, in the focus of Mojena - a group of trees together casts an increased growth on themselves, meaning that the more they are, the more powerful this spell is. Perhaps this is how the Mojen'lar tree spread throughout the entire world - they grow exponentially as more arise. Go to Comment
I think this item is beautiful - not the actual enchantments or what it is, but simply because of its history. I like the idea of the blade, originally something feared as evil that could steal your soul against your will, bieng something used by a noble knight willingly to inspire and guide. Uses of such thing lie in the eye of the beholder, eh? 4.5 from me Go to Comment
Mmm, what a friendly fellow this Valeras is. Everything seems in order here: Horrid mutations, flesh-ravaging fury and vengeance against those nasty close-minded gods who banished one of their own because they were different. I could like to see the rest of the gods fleshed out, actually. I'd especially enjoy writing up a god who fell victim to Valeras's potent toxins. :) Go to Comment
Aah, A nice compendium of your average businesses. Good for someone trying to fill out a city with your average shops(Which, funnily enough, is exactly what i'm in the process of doing, so thank you!) Go to Comment
You know... for all the other new posts which have 4's and 5's and are supposed to be brilliant, I found THIS to be the easiest post to read in months.
I'm definitely not saying the other posts are bad, i'm just saying that this post piqued my curiousity and kept me going with little, interesting tidbits. Any of these submissions can be used at any time and with ease.
In conclusion, this is a useful post, plain and simple. Go to Comment
It seems the PC's just barely missed some action! Lying in the grass to the side of this quiet road is a freshly slain corpse - The murder must have happened only minutes ago. The blood which had poured from a hastily slit neck is still fresh - it hasn't even dried up and the body is still very warm. There are no sign of tracks from the murderer, and the dense woodlands which the road runs next to could hide anyone without difficulty. Closer inspection of the corpse and his backpack will find that there is no money - either he never carried any or it was stolen - but there is a fine collection of smallgoods, from expensive clothing to golden rings on his finger, to a silver letter-opener. The PC's could take these items, but if they plan to tell the local militia at the next town, they may want to hide their new gear. For the next ten minutes after finding the corpse, any rustling in the bushes by friendly forest animals might be subject to the waving of weapons and the close study of where the sound came from. Go to Comment
Forsaken children: A rare sight in limberlost is that of a small child, back turned towards those walking by, crouched next to a small pile of leaves and striking flint and tinder together in an attempt to make the leaves catch fire. These are modelled after the cries of the trees in the waking world telling tales of cruel children setting trees alight for a fun. If left undisturbed, these children will not so much as look at a person passing by. If, however, someone moves to disturb, stop or get a front-on look of the child, it will turn around. Their faces are mishappen and twisted into a cruel, inhuman expression, and when disturbed they will attack, shouting gibberish and striking the flint and tinder in the intruders direction. At every strike of that tinder, scorching flames lash out in a fiery blast, incinerating everything in its path. The children, though physically weak, are fast and small; hard to catch and hit. If caught, they can easily be disarmed by holding their two arms away from each other so they cannot strike the flint and tinder. If a child is disarmed in this manner, it will drop its 'weapon' and slump lifelessly; dead. Otherwise, it can still be killed by any conventional weapons. Go to Comment