Though I will admit that the captain does do things a little harshly, critisism is the best way for someone to improve themselves. And to get no critisism from Captainpenguin is a difficult task indeed - its practically his mission to seek out any little thing that is wrong with it and bicker on it ;)
So this is what I say
To the Captain: A little construction in that critisism would help keep members around :P
To M0s0g: Dont take the captains ramblings to heart, and understand that not everyone posts a perfect post every time. Learn from this and move on, experiment with new posts. This site is here for information and entertainment, so have fun with it. Go to Comment
Oh great, you got Scras started again *rolls eyes*
Er, anywho. I like the danger behind this item, and especially the way the candle relights itself, though it seems more at home in a book or especially a movie, than a roleplay :P
"The lantern dropped to the floor with an audible 'clang' reverberating off the wide walls of the chamber. All the inhabitants were silent as that sound rushed past them, and all watched in fear as the flickering of the candlelight inexorably died. Two slow, life-long seconds of silence ensued, before the room was filled with screams of agony and flames. It took only another three seconds until the room was silent again, now a forgotten chamber filled with charred bones. Forgotten - on the floor - the unlit lantern lay. But then a faint spark and, as though fueled by the souls consumed by its fire, the lantern flickered weakly back into life."
I must say 10 miles would have been too much, but 100 feet is good. Still, If I were a GM, I'd definately be hesitant about putting this in a game - it would take just one foolish PC to pick up then drop this lantern, killing the rest of the players and ending your game early :P
Awesome. I might argue that the benefits are a bit over-powerful, but then, who is completely virtuous, eh? After all, even a righteous man may have a moment where he considers taking more than his fare share in the gold.
Can a man have some qualities and some detriments? for example, what if someone is not greedy nor lecherous, but gets impatient with people easily? can they become dragon-strong, immune to poison and kill everyone he dislikes? Sounds like a good, powerful villian to me. Perhaps a king - elected for his great qualities, but feared for his ruthlessness when dealing with those who oppose him.
Also, what if someone has a change of heart throughout life? Can a curse become a gift, and vice-versa if the people change from good to bad?
In spite of these couple questions, i give this a definite 5/5. I commend your efforts!
I take it that the first animal is the Chimaera then. I look forward to seeing the other 11. Go to Comment
I like this. It's an interesting way for a gem to be created. I can see that Simply FINDING one of these trees in the middle of an unexplored forest might be considered a good omen. And to find a Thrar gem at the base of the tree would be magnificent. I imagine due to their rarity, they could be sold to gem collecters for quite a hefty sum.
A nice item with many uses to the imaginative. an eye-hole can be made to spy in a room. a hole in the wall can be made to shoot an arrow through to assassinate someone. an effective torture device - place it through someones hand. If they still dont want to talk, just place it over their eye without starting it, as threat.
A nice item with a very 'captainpenguinesque'(r) feel to it. Im undecided to if it's worth a 4 or a 5, but I'll give it a 5/5. Go to Comment
Capn, I think it's meant: If someone catches him as a child thinking he will be worth a pretty penny with ransom, and locks such a weak child in a small, wooden cage, Won't they be surprised when the boy changes form and bursts out of it?
As has been said - A good raw idea. A nice beginning. It is a place which holds great mystery: Who built it and why? Why build such a huge citadel in the middle of knowwhere? Why is nobody here anymore? What happened to them?
Woooo, spooky :)
I see this place not as a main section of any campaign, but as a great side dish to a frozen tundra expedition.
----- "We're gonna die out here!" Screamed Julian, His hand unconsciously gripping on his swords hilt for support - but how can one fight a blizzard? He and his friends had thought making their way through this frozen wasteland would have been a great idea to cut off weeks on their expedition. Suddenly - as though a beacon from the very gods themselves - a ray of light glinted just ahead, perhaps something reflecting sunlight from far away. "Quickly! That way!"
It took about 30 minutes for the group to open the vast, icy doors - Julian had to chip away extra bits of ice at the hinges and kick away the large snowdrift forming next to it, and the large door took three of the group to pull open. But finally, they found themselves in this seemedly abandoned castle. Due to the snowstorm outside, it was nearly pitch black in here, but the group exhaustively lowered themselves to the cold ground, counting their blessings that they had been sheltered from this storm. Almost wordlessly, they wrapped themselves in all of their blankets, and fell asleep at the entrance.
Five hours later, Julian woke up. He could have sworn he had just heard someone whisper... But wait, everyone else was alseep...
He could hear the sound of the snowstorm, still barraging the castle walls. But there! There was that whisper again! It wasnt the sound of the wind coming through anywhere, because there was no draft. Julian blinked - in his 5 hours of in this place, his eyes had grown accustomed to the dark - and he could have SWORN he just saw a face peering through the ice of the opaque wall in front of him, as though a child had wiped away the frost on a window and peered in. But that face was no childs face... He remembered Sharpened fangs... Crimson glowing eyes...
Another whisper, and a menacing hiss.
Julian leapt up now, fully awake and terrified. He kicked his friends awake. "We have to leave this place. NOW!"
But as Irony would have it, the snow had packed up against the door again, and they couldnt clear it away from the inside. It seemed they would have to find their way out somewhere else. Which would mean traversing the many corridoors in this god-forsaken place.
Ironic that they had seeked to find sanctuary from death by coming in here. Now they seek sanctuary from death by leaving.-----
Great horror aspect to it.
Maaaan, I could so easily write a BOOK on this place.
4/5 for me. A bit more depth may have gotten a 5/5 :)
Certainly good idea for a first item Go to Comment
The Artist NPCs (Scenario Based)
The side effect is pretty good, but I agree with the captain in that it needs some background. :) I will give it a literal '2', in that it 'shows some promise'. Flesh it out, and It could be fairly interesting.
If nothing else, adding a backstory will help YOU for future posts. A unique, catching backstory could also raise my vote another two points.
Looking at the item, I can see you have a mind for making submissions in here, Lets see you make another one :)
Also, dont forget the purpose OF the citadel - its designed to help one another share roleplaying ideas and advice, so if you're stuck with something, or just have a a base idea you think is worth expanding, by all means, post it in the Flesh it out section in the forums. Go to Comment