Interesting view on the language there, Wulf. I always thought of the word Ouzquin a little differently, however: You had much of it similar to my idea though - 'Ouz', i percieved as a prefex meaning 'of glass', for example the word Ouzala would stranslate into "Staff of Glass", roughly (The 'Zala' bieng 'Staff'). The entire word "Ouzquin", however, simply is the word for Glass.
So Ouz is simply a derivative of Ouzquin, used when saying something is of Ouzquin nature, or is made of Ouzquin.
The word Dremorix has several meanings (Shifting, making, altering etc...), and is commonly used when expressing Change - especially in a creation(over destruction) sense. So for example, those who make glass can be referred to as OuzDremorix (makers of glass, or creators of glass).
I am going to make an entire language out of this, you'll see! :)
But enough of that, onto the post!
I can't help but like this: As I said before, it's like fan-art and it's very humbling! :D Go to Comment
Vivid is the word I think describes this. This evokes my mind into thinking of the worst possible hell a machine could come up with.
I could never write something so in-depth - i'd lose my train of thought halfway though :P
Now, a couple of questions and thoughts:
Where there is hell, there is usually a devil. What represents the devil in this case?
What motivation does anyone have for entering this hell? Are they able to be banished in there by someone? or is there a reward?
Considering Izzy G killed itself, letting down humanity, do you think it would have thought itself deserving to go to hell? Perhaps he copied himself (or created a new Integrat Grande) Into his dimension before he 'died'. Or also, perhaps he, in his ultimate knowledge, saw that he had the potential to be the 'ultimate evil': He had the power to do terrible things. As such, perhaps he (Or once again, a copy) is the 'devil' of the Gasp of Glass?
Whatever the case; if Integrat Grande were in his own hell - probably in the middle of The Dark - that may provide motive for a human to go there, if his need were great enough. The journey is exceptionally dangerous, but up the top of the tower Integrat Grande is there to solve any problem placed by it.
And to get to the dark? perhaps the only way is to climb to the top of the tower and find some sort of teleporter?
Anyway - whatever the case, this is definitely a powerful idea - Cudos, and good luck finishing it! Go to Comment
Incarnadine, Where art thou!? This needs to go to the main site!
As it is, this is worth a 5 and a HoH from me; I feel it should be a golden submission of dungeons, too - it's something for others to aspire to. It's one of the best, most in-depth and original submissions i've seen on this site and I fear it gets ignored when it sits in the incomplete section :( Go to Comment
This holds a special place in my heart, for as I type, I am suffering from a hangover :D
A short, but good submission. The only additional information I'd like to know is what exactly is Demon rum made from, and why does "his judgment goes straight to hell somewhat literally". Go to Comment
Once again, Wulfhere shines above the plebians!
I love how images can provoke thoughts and emotions. Hell, all advertisments use imagery to make us want something or think a certain way about something.
The Screever takes this into a different step - provoking emotions and causing change in the hearts of those who watch.
Anyway. Good sub ;) Go to Comment
"The curse allegedly causes cramps, fever, and vomiting so severe that healthy men have died from it."
Ah, sounds like a case of severe salmonella poisoning from poorly cooked fowl!
I like this submission - it's not often enough that we get simply a believable lifeform that isn't all-powerful or with some strange quirk.
This is easily something you could find on planet earth. Go to Comment
I salute thee, captain, for setting this loose upon the citadel.
Aah, the betrayer is betrayed by the creature he was going to use to do the betrayal!
There are two points of this submission that I like most: First bieng the fact that the Cutsman was 'awake' during it's macabre creation, and I especially like how it mimics the remnants of its creators, right down to kneeling before statues and sleeping.
I'd both love and hate to be in a roleplay where the party is slowly walking through these deserted, bloodstained halls, and they turn a corner to see this blademan knelt before the statue of a god, softly gargling and chirring a prayer.
The Man of Blades. The Knife Demon... The terrible and feared CUTSMAN! Go to Comment
I really like this - And I love the thought of a master thief calling himself the greatest thief in in kingdom bieng succesfully stalked by a goblin simply to have this 'great thief's' tale published. Go to Comment
Can I just say that out of all of this, I like the idea of the "Lost" Plot most. The thought of the only way to kill the zombies is by shattering that which was their 'life' while they were alive. Very nice!
On top of all that: A good, solid mythical weapon: I can imagine only several places that this item could be in current time: Unused, in a temple devoted to Axtrami. Lost somewhere in or beneath the desert; perhaps at the site of a great battlefield. Stolen and hoarded by the "Sect of the shattered orb". Or in a foreigners private collection of artefacts, after having stolen it from the Ouzquin Dremorix at one stage.
Anyway. I know my vote is a bit biased. Either way, 4.5/5. Go to Comment
Let me just say one thing, Abock: Your attitude towards criticism is very commendable. We get people that join this site once in a while who make a poor post, and then when we pick it to pieces, they get upset and leave. Your positive learning attitude will help you become a great poster with practice, so thumbs up to that! :) Now! Onto the submission:
Please pay attention to where things should be posted. This should be posted in the NPC section. An NPC is a "Non Player Character", which basically is any specific intelligent lifeform.
Here's an example of the differences between NPC's and Lifeforms.
NPC's: King Arthur, Merlin, George Bush, Count Dracula.
Lifeforms: Homo Sapien, Felines, dragons, vampires.
The grammar and sentence structure of your posts make reading it feel a bit awkward. What I suggest to fix this, is that you should write out your entire submission, then submit is as "In work: Hidden". Leave it for a day, then come back to it and read over it. If it doesn't make sense, THEN edit it and post it. You tend to find a lot more mistakes when your ideas and thoughts aren't in your head.
Furthermore, this website comes with a 'spell check' button - it's there for a reason, and it's better to use it than to have someone take points off a submission because of a few silly mistakes.
Now, apart from those problems, it's obvious you have some good ideas in you - I can see where you're going with this submission, and it's not a bad idea.
Anyway. Don't be discouraged by low marks - we all start somewhere; some of us at the very bottom! Good luck in future ideas! Go to Comment
This post got progressively better each line I read. It started off as average at best, but by the end of it, I was fairly interested. There's nothing like solitary confinement to gnaw at one's mind. Go to Comment
I don't tend to give em out, but hey: 5/5. This submission really appeals to me.
Wulfhere: What I like about your submissions, is that they are a fresh breath: After so long here, you begin to subconsiously pick up the writing styles of the people who post often. This is not those subs a BAD thing; on the contrary, most of the people in this site make top-quality material, but having a new person in with great ideas and a fresh way of presenting them makes posts all the more interesting. Go to Comment
"I throw the powder at the bars of the cage!"
- "In midair, the powder turns to a sticky slime substance and lands on the bars with a 'Splork!'. A steady trail of smoke appears as the slime eats away at the bars. After three seconds, the slime slides off the bars and begins slowly slipping towards you, rythmically making disgusting sounds reminiscent of bodily functions. The cement floor begins eating away slowly wherever the slime touches it."
"I .. er... uh... RUN!"
I like the powder :)
I nice little compendium of unintentionally dangerous items. Go to Comment
Opens more opportunities for Druids and Necromancers. :)
Druids may pursuade the groups of animals to share that magic with them, so when they are around a pack of creatures, perhaps they can cast more powerful spells more easily.
And as for necromancers, crushing the life out of each of these creatures and absorbing their life force as their own (Such as my soul mage, Tarquin, does), could mean more power for them. Which could also be a plot idea, in that in a community of druids, an unnamed foe is destroying all animal life around, the adventurers are either druids who used to share life with these creatures, or are outsiders hired by the druids to put a stop to it.
A nice thought - would be good for Mojena: what if plants had the same thing - as more of them grow in groups, woodcutters may find forest trees more difficult to cut down than lone trees. Or large bunches of poison ivy more irritating to the skin than small amounts.
Perhaps, in the focus of Mojena - a group of trees together casts an increased growth on themselves, meaning that the more they are, the more powerful this spell is. Perhaps this is how the Mojen'lar tree spread throughout the entire world - they grow exponentially as more arise. Go to Comment