It was very in character/realistic for the boy to freak out in battle and run away and hide - I really liked that. I also liked that when put in a corner with nowhere else to go, he lashed out like an animal would. I also liked that he came out of the woods traumatized: He didn't somehow just turn into some mighty warrior. The sword's enchantment did the 'winning' for him and he was more or less along for the ride whether he wanted to kill or not.
Based on the story alone I feel like the sword is perhaps a little overpowered, however you did put a restriction on it (powers only granted to someone who has not seen combat) which helps mitigate that a little bit.
Personally, an addition i'd make to the sword is that its combat enhancing powers and unbreakable grip are only granted to the wielder if the sword is drawn in defense or without the intent of killing, or as a last resort of a desperate person.
If someone wielded this sword as the aggressor (with the intent of initiating an attack), there would be no bonuses granted and the weapon could be disarmed.
As a personal preference i'd also remove the other abilities (warping back to the owner, and illumination).
A weapon enchanted to protect against those who would do its owner harm, yet to not aid any who wield it with bloodlust.
some general thoughts:
- I feel like a full hardened steel plate suit would be bloody hard for a 10 year old child to move around in
- I want to know who this Blacksmith is, that he can imbue such powerful enchantments on weapons. And why not enchant all the weapons he makes? Go to Comment
I was very skeptical but I looked up that prisoners box challenge and there does seem to be some accuracy to the puzzle. However, the method of delivery of this feels... well, ridiculous.
So the boss baddie has captured the PCs. He has them bound, kneeling, broken before him, and with a murderous glint in his eye he... tells them to pick weapons out of boxes. Oh, and if they get their weapons, they can have all of his hard earned treasure. But if they don't get their weapons they can still fight him for the treasure.
I can see what you're going for, don't get me wrong - puzzles are absolutely great and this is just a way of explaining the puzzle into the game.
I just feel like the prisoners box riddle will be hard to convincingly place into a game without breaking flow or seeming realistic.
Also, the explanation of how it works is a bit lacking (I had to google it to wrap my head around it - I had thought there must be more that you'd forgotten to add).
I'd like to see some of these expanded - I'd love to know the backstory of 9 - The Rotter Sword, for example!
This is the biggest problem I have with the '30' subs, actually. They're great idea seeds but there is no substance to them. I crave the 'why' and 'how'.
For example, with 21-No firearms: The Emperor has banned firearms.
Why? Was it superstition? Was he experimenting with creating a pacifistic kingdom? Were his family murdered by firearms and now he has a vendetta against them?
How? Does he have a heavy guard presence hunting down and enforcing this? Is he just so loved that everyone handed their weapons in? Are there revolts and uprisings as people have their weapons taken away from them? Does the rest of the court agree with him?
As I said, they are great idea seeds and I do like some of these. You could pick a couple out that you enjoy the most and write up some full subs on them! :)
I like the whole butterfly-like metamorphosis thing, where it turns into goo and reforms yet still apparently retains memories of the former incarnation (I remember reading a thing about how butterflies retain memories of their former state or some such.)
In a game, i'd pit this against some new, untrained characters as an 'escape the unstoppable monster' thing... Have a group uncover this bunker research facility, work their way in and through it (finding nice tidbits of info on what's in cryo in the facility on some computer records if they're clever enough) and then inevitably 'awake the beast' and cue the chase scene. They could utilize things in the facility to help them escape (for example one room may have a Linear Accelerator which they could activate as they go past, releasing a bunch of radiation which could blind this critter for a while by saturating the room with radiation.)
They could also goad him into using his higher energy abilities (Shields, beams) to drain his energy and make him less threatening (Or have a method in the facility of leeching power somehow)
The end goal is to reach the entrance of the bunker and seal it before the creature escapes, of course. Go to Comment
This is one 100 word challenge which I think would have had much more potential expanded.- at the moment it just appears to be a general thrown potion which will cause weakness and possible blindness, and perhaps suffocation.
I get the feeling that you are maybe trying to suggest that the goop is somewhat sentient/intelligent and will intentionally soak anything it's thrown at, but i feel it's not explained enough in the post.
I'd like to know where the goop came from: Is it a tar-like chemical mixture? Is it a stoppered sludge-creature? Is is a mixture of herbs/reagents?
The Vile Vial is a cool name, however! I know it defeats the purpose of the 100-word post, but more info would be awesome. Go to Comment
A standard minor npc, useful for adding extra background on a character.
Her background seems typical 'tragic backstory' - judging by the rate that people lose their mother and father in the fantasy world, parenthood seems to be more dangerous than adventuring!
The trio together sound like they have a system for thievery worked out quite well; and there are few better ways to distract people than through lust.
More depth would be nice if she and her brothers were to be a more major influence in a game, but for a minor NPC, this is all the depth necessary to quickly throw her in any tavern the PC's may come across. Go to Comment
I actually really like these cheeky vermin! Nice work, Jojo - a simple idea with plenty of uses! I can see the folk of the area going on great treasure hunts to find the bests of these squirrels! Pcs can hunt for the nest as a lighthearted adventure, or perhaps a macguffin was stolen from them while they slept and they must seek it out in the forest!
sometimes it is the simplest of ideas that are the most useful.
one tiny gripe i have is that you seem to be misspelling 'rogue'; not a major concern through :)
There is some great imagery hidden in this - city of bone, and as mourn mentioned, the names are great! The sub itself feels a little jumbled and awkward to read through though: some spacing and re-wording would be a benefit to the subs readability.
I find it useful after writing a sub, to leave it hidden for a day then read through it again tomorrow when your mind is fresh; you will see the things that need working far better the next day.
it is a very powerful item, and most would find it risky to give to a PC because of that.
the subs that you have made have been very oversized and powerful, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it's good to take a step back and make something more humble.
Thus, i present to you a challenge, if you would accept!!!
For your next sub, i challenge you to create a non-magical item, NPC or life form! Something useful, but not world changing! A new type of weapon, a native animal from a hidden region, a sneaky, annoying rogue - anything you can think of that isn't filled with fonts of power!
Also, a special cudos to you for being so receptive and accepting of criticism, Jojo! For that, i gave you an extra .5 to my vote! That attitude is the one we want to nurture on this site, so keep it up! :D Go to Comment
The benefactor is Vauraki, the Ouzquin Dremorix devil-wolf, directed by Axtrami. The purpose of this intervention was to set in motion the events that caused the dwarves to lose their faith in Rivval, leaving then open for belief in one of Axtrami's aspects: Sirael. It's a whole background plot mechanism that is not fully a part of this story, but basically, Axtrami is twisting events in the world subtly to have more people believe in him, thus increasing his own influence.
it's a whole other story and i haven't decided how im going to approach it yet, so i haven't expanded on it in this sub. Go to Comment
As advertised: short and sweet, and plenty useful. A spirit trapped in a net pleas for the pc's to free it - but why was it there in the first place? A certain individual requires a spirit captured for interrogation and the pc's must find or have made one of these nets. A town is under imminent threat of rampages ghosts of ages past and requires the pc's to go and find as many people capable of making these nets to create the largest one yet: one which can envelope the entire town! Time is running out...! Go to Comment
I really like how it's a sort of adolescent/infant god coming of age, and that clerics get untempered and unpredictable powers from it. A nice beastie, and i would probably use it more as lore and for cultist encounters than a direct confrontation with it. Go to Comment