This is one 100 word challenge which I think would have had much more potential expanded.- at the moment it just appears to be a general thrown potion which will cause weakness and possible blindness, and perhaps suffocation.
I get the feeling that you are maybe trying to suggest that the goop is somewhat sentient/intelligent and will intentionally soak anything it's thrown at, but i feel it's not explained enough in the post.
I'd like to know where the goop came from: Is it a tar-like chemical mixture? Is it a stoppered sludge-creature? Is is a mixture of herbs/reagents?
The Vile Vial is a cool name, however! I know it defeats the purpose of the 100-word post, but more info would be awesome. Go to Comment
A standard minor npc, useful for adding extra background on a character.
Her background seems typical 'tragic backstory' - judging by the rate that people lose their mother and father in the fantasy world, parenthood seems to be more dangerous than adventuring!
The trio together sound like they have a system for thievery worked out quite well; and there are few better ways to distract people than through lust.
More depth would be nice if she and her brothers were to be a more major influence in a game, but for a minor NPC, this is all the depth necessary to quickly throw her in any tavern the PC's may come across. Go to Comment
I actually really like these cheeky vermin! Nice work, Jojo - a simple idea with plenty of uses! I can see the folk of the area going on great treasure hunts to find the bests of these squirrels! Pcs can hunt for the nest as a lighthearted adventure, or perhaps a macguffin was stolen from them while they slept and they must seek it out in the forest!
sometimes it is the simplest of ideas that are the most useful.
one tiny gripe i have is that you seem to be misspelling 'rogue'; not a major concern through :)
There is some great imagery hidden in this - city of bone, and as mourn mentioned, the names are great! The sub itself feels a little jumbled and awkward to read through though: some spacing and re-wording would be a benefit to the subs readability.
I find it useful after writing a sub, to leave it hidden for a day then read through it again tomorrow when your mind is fresh; you will see the things that need working far better the next day.
it is a very powerful item, and most would find it risky to give to a PC because of that.
the subs that you have made have been very oversized and powerful, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it's good to take a step back and make something more humble.
Thus, i present to you a challenge, if you would accept!!!
For your next sub, i challenge you to create a non-magical item, NPC or life form! Something useful, but not world changing! A new type of weapon, a native animal from a hidden region, a sneaky, annoying rogue - anything you can think of that isn't filled with fonts of power!
Also, a special cudos to you for being so receptive and accepting of criticism, Jojo! For that, i gave you an extra .5 to my vote! That attitude is the one we want to nurture on this site, so keep it up! :D Go to Comment
The benefactor is Vauraki, the Ouzquin Dremorix devil-wolf, directed by Axtrami. The purpose of this intervention was to set in motion the events that caused the dwarves to lose their faith in Rivval, leaving then open for belief in one of Axtrami's aspects: Sirael. It's a whole background plot mechanism that is not fully a part of this story, but basically, Axtrami is twisting events in the world subtly to have more people believe in him, thus increasing his own influence.
it's a whole other story and i haven't decided how im going to approach it yet, so i haven't expanded on it in this sub. Go to Comment
As advertised: short and sweet, and plenty useful. A spirit trapped in a net pleas for the pc's to free it - but why was it there in the first place? A certain individual requires a spirit captured for interrogation and the pc's must find or have made one of these nets. A town is under imminent threat of rampages ghosts of ages past and requires the pc's to go and find as many people capable of making these nets to create the largest one yet: one which can envelope the entire town! Time is running out...! Go to Comment
I really like how it's a sort of adolescent/infant god coming of age, and that clerics get untempered and unpredictable powers from it. A nice beastie, and i would probably use it more as lore and for cultist encounters than a direct confrontation with it. Go to Comment
This sub - especially the last section - feels very 'matrixy'. Wherein the pirates have discovered how how make people believe what happens in Edotown is real, and the weapons that can injure the actual person by injuring their avatar.
a very interesting read; the world is consumed by virtual online games, so pirates hijack the games to control this, and then shape it in their image.
i can see this sub as being a bit difficult to adapt to other games, because the idea of it is that the world is consumed by the VORPGs. But then again, on a smaller scale it could work; the video fame company has hired the pc's for a task - they disclose that a city in their game has been stolen by pirates, and ask the pcs to hunt it down...
This seems a wee bit rough-cut and unpolished, Caesar. For example, there is a line which cuts off mid sentence:
To make matters worse, there is a time limit in play. As soon as the combat reaches Merthia city, even its walls
nevertheless, it is a solid enough plot which will send pcs into the thick of a cult. It has an employer who will probably betray them, mysteries of a cult to be discovered, and a moral dilemma on whether to let the Corrupt Merthia burn or to save them. Go to Comment
could they make brief trips onto a beach? That would be something interesting to put upon some pcs who have decided to rest for a night on the beach, only to be accosted by a pack of these things halfway through the night, sneaking quietly from the surf and latching onto one of the pc's - unless the lookout manages to spot 'em. Go to Comment
I like it! While it is detailed with things such as speed and special abilities, i would use this sub for a much simpler purpose: simply to give more detail than "some wings sprout from your back."
the demonic ones sound fun!
"With the wail of fallen souls and a sickening echo of flesh tearing apart, a gaping wound appears to open on your back. Akin to how you imagine a demonic chilbirth would appear, two leathery, batlike wings push forth from the crevasse, falling limply to brush on the ground before flicking taut, spraying excess blood and gore across the room." Go to Comment