I like the invalid angle, but the terrible cough of doom seems a tad heavy. If he is wealthy and there are adventurers and the like, why hasn't he simply procured magical healing for himself? That being said, he can be an excellent employer for PCs hunting down trinkets and books for him, or the spell components to fix his wounded lungs.
I also had the idea of the halfling being carried around by a Hodor-Golem Go to Comment
Because being crazy for the sake of being crazy is way better than being evil for the sake of evil. Demons are evil, it is a fundamental part of their existance. If you dont like the demon aspect, how bout if the Herald is a sadist who gains his satisfaction by manipulating people for no personal gain. (Think of the movie Saw for an idea of what I am talking about)
Now for the post, I thoroughly enjoye it including the paranoid tailor. I can just see a little reed thin Woody Allen type sitting surrounded by priests who might look like they should be in a mobster movie rather than priestly robes.
All to often, it seems, that we can be caught up in mangling and severing a submission to see if we can dissect it enough to put into our own various games. This manor house may be mundane, with no magical monsters, hedges of carnivorous plants, and no dakr elf assassins accompanied by their lightning stripped tigers.. That does nothig to detract from it's value. The fact that there is such a wealth of detail makes all the more valuable.
Cliches such because they are overdone, they take the extrodinary and reduce it to something that becomes ridiculed. Giant demons with unholy weapons, orphaned bountry-hunter drow with pet giant spiders, it is so far from the norm that it is stupid. Now, we find this manorial house, with an elaborate write-up and some nice history that doesnt go into overkill. If Moon had decied to write the 72 names on the memorial stone, that would be overkill. With what he wrote, I can see this place, imagine walking through the carefully manicured lawn while a stripe of a child runs along lighting the candles along the walkways.
While you may not be able to distill out a random encounter table for the garden, or calculate the XP value of the hedges doesnt detract from the value of the post. This kind of detail leads to game memoris that last years after the game has passed. This is the kind of detail that one would find between teh pages of an Anne Rice novel set in New Orleans, or perhaps a sublty macabre deserted town in a Stephen King novel.
That being said, a 5/5 for Moon's work, and a cuff to the back of Monument and Kendra's heads. Go to Comment
At the very first look, I was afraid this was going to be another bumbling old mage who was forgetful and very powerful. Instead I find an interesting character with other than violent plans, such as the curio cabinet and the job of being an economic advisor/mage. I enjoyed reading this post Monument.
There is room for improvement, his history is a little vague and that is the only thing, IMO that keeps him from being a 5.
Some people are already half way to being heaps of Ass, so a sword that helps them along might be a neat idea. I'd like to see you do a revision of this post Callista. It has alot of promise. Go to Comment
Writing is an arrogance of our agrarian, and sedentary lifestyle. The keeping of records and other boring information requires the skill of writing. Keeping the history and lore of a people, often in the form of oral epics is the place of the bard and loremaster. The merfolk arent farmers, they dont plant crops, dont till the undersea soil. They survive by hunting fish and gathering food from the coral reefs and such. Their language could be very large and intricate, with no written counterpart, and permanent messages recorded in stone in the form of pictographs, or in the borrowed tongue of some other aquatic race, or borrowed from us surface dwellers. Go to Comment
I share Echo's sentiment, the two-weapon fighting and the dislike of giants screams Dungeons and Dragons basic Ranger. The background is rather longer than it needs to be, and there are some funny characters studded in the sub that need to be weeded out. (âfind her wayâ) Go to Comment
What better device of salvation for the people of coral than a weapon of coral. I can see there being a small problem of the weapon being useless against an armored foe, especially well made metal armors or perhaps armor made from the thick carapaces of exotic undersea beasties. All in all, nicely done. Go to Comment
The basic idea seems to be lacking, honestly. A stone axe covered in glass seems both unwieldy, heavy, and very easy to break. I only mention this as their was no mention of the glass being strengthened by the alchemists when they coated the axe with glass. The inventor in question, and his quest to understand the goop was quite entertaining, along with his less than spectacular mansion. I wouldn's mind seeing more about Furlongdor and his lands
I think this idea, the armor dissolving weapon, might work better with a sling and the acid filled ampuoles. The weapons of the nobility are as much symbols of status as they are tools of war. Go to Comment
I can see mass outcry at the horrific nature of the weapon, and the utter contempt for humanity it possesses, much like the outcry against the original crossbow, and more modern weapons such as landmines and napalm. I can almost see the History Channel doing an hour long show on the development and usage of the Firebow, and its enventual decline among the soldiery and adoption by the more more flamboyant and less pragmatic adventurer. I especially liked the last paragraph.
I would have to agree with what the others above have already said. The item is certainly too powerful, especially for their to be potentially 21 of them floating around. I did enjoy the writing, but as Moon said, you should make some notation at the begining to indicate that it is a journal or diary entry of some sort.
I've got this great idea, I'm going to start going around and turning innocent children into grotesque and powerful half monsters after slaughtering their families in front of them. What a cool idea, and then I'll be surprised when the little maggots (apologies to Maggot) show up looking for revenge.
Naw, I'm going to go around and turn all of the innocent children into something ridiculus, like half-parakeets, were-spider monkeys, and...really cute collie dogs that are green.
Why would the wozaerd leave a powerful magic staff that can summon millions of ravens behind for Ravenman (knocked yourself out on that name, didn't ya).
Ravens are popular because they are a symbolic creature, a creature of ill omen, and impending death and doom. Nevermore, if you get the picture Agony. This is munckin revenger redone, and poorly redone at that.
There is a magic item on the cartoon Xiaolin Showdown called the Monkey Staff. So long as the monk has the Monkey Staff, he is as agile as a monkey, but there is a price to be paid. The longer he has the staff, the more monkeylike he begins to act, and he also begins to develop simian features, with a prehensile tail being first. Eventually, he would become a money with a good understanding of Kung-Fu, and refuse to release the Monkey Staff.
Rather than a wandering malicious wizard, perhaps a teenage youth, eaten with teenage angst finds a magical staff and can fly like a raven with it. (Might be better if the McGuffin is an article of clothing like a dashing cloak or somesuch} However, being unpopular with the others, for whatever reason, he is consumed with a cold avian anger for them and attacks them. He is eventually overcome by the spell and becomes the Ravenman, yet somewhere inside the black-eyed killer is the spirit of an unhappy kid who only wanted to be understood and accepted. Go to Comment
I think this would be a good submission to keep in the archives because it is more than a 15 word slap-dash effort. It shows what we give low votes too, and also shows that sometimes we can be a little too heavy with the stick, and not offering enough of the carrot. Reading my comments to Agony makes me want to be a better critiquer, rather than being an abusive critiquer.
I love when one of my older submissions gets dredged up to to the recent comments section. Why Evil? Quite simple actually, and in a single word, Method. The bone stitched is evil because it is a quick and dirty fix. You want massive muscles, you summon it, get chewed up and slapped back together with big bulgy muscles like you wanted.
The 'good' method would be to train, excercise, eat a high protein diet. In short, you earn it, you dont get it for nothing other than a few scars. Go to Comment