Wonderful description and personal action, and I would agree with Adel that he is too powerful as presented, but with a little detailing, he could be truely great. Perhaps his appearance of power belies the less tangible flaws, perhaps ailments of the soul, or the spirit.
You are improving, I knew thatthis NPC was going to come up with a 'he got everything he wanted' ending, which would have been lame. I think it is good that he fell to the corruption of power, and I can see him being quite narcissitic and shallow, considering his rapid rise in ability.
rantYeah, because Pinocchio had the dismembered parts of a once living little boy buring in his wooden chest. I dont see any strong Disney, or Pinocchio elements other than the fact that both Cornelia and Pinocchio were both made of wood./rant
Cornelia should ideally seen with pity, as she is not much more than a ghost permanently bound into a wooden body. She has no face, and cant enjoy many things that a living person can, that is, she cant eat or smell, she cant have sex, she really cant sleep or dream either. All she can do is continue her existance in the perpetual service of a wizard that she has the benefit of loving. I can easily imagine other jacks being created without this sympathetic bond. Go to Comment
I can see the surface of the island covered in the marble and polished granite mausoleums of the wealthy, each a monument to the ego of the deceased. These would have been purchased with sizeable donations to the clergy, likely also 'selling' an offspring to the protectors of the island. Obviously these would be family affairs, with only blood relations buried in the many niches and alcoves within each structure. Nicely done.
Interesting work, I must say that I like it. I would like to know more about Big Red on an interaction level, what sort of personality does a giant mollusk have? Does he have the ability to alter his skin texture and pigmentation like smaller cuttlefish?
As a side note,I would note the fact that the kraken, or giant squid has the largest eyes IRL, and would translate that into an ability to percieve illusions as falsehood, and the be all but impossible to fool with invisibility.
I think the sixth paragraph would answer several of these questions, as it shows that the Druid served as an arbitrator to the locals, as well as keeping his valley safe. As for details such as his favorite animal, or his preference for sunrise or sunset, I try to pass along a feel for a character rather than setting out something set in stone. If I list Sitri's favorite animal is a blue-scaled Masuchi Dragon-lizard, what good does that do someone if they dont know what that critter is. His favorite animal can be whatever you want it to be, or need it to be. Go to Comment
I'm really not sure to make of Dragoon's comment. It is my understanding that a slut is commonly percieved to be a woman who is willing to exchange sex for various things, mostly the attention of men. Most 'sluts' would seem to suffer from poor self-esteem and gain a sense of welf worth in the attention favored on them by their male peers. Some, are simply not intimidated by the title slut, which is often applied to any woman who seems to get more of anything that others think she should. Now, if the exchange is exclusively material, or currency, then the woman is not a slut, but is instead a whore, or more politely prostitute. Thus, it is not surprising that she ditched the regular guy in favor of the rich guy, the promise of higher returns for her services.
The thing that surprises me is that many people substitute game events for real life experiences. A co-worker regularly espouses his nightly games of Madden 2K5 as if he himself were actually on the football field, kicking and recieving each play. Is this a call sign of Gen Y? Go to Comment
I think that since Clef is a physician and has no necromantic skills, other than what might be mentioned in the Frankenstein monster plot hook. So, I would say no to the necromancer makeover. Go to Comment
The formatting needs work, biggest thing is that there is no spacing between the period and the first letter of the next sentance. The character is okay, but is rather morally high-handed (DM says drinkin be bad) and has a few too many cliches for my liking.
I would like to see a bit more on the tankard though. It has some potential. I can see serious alcoholics wanting to get their hands on it! Go to Comment