This submission has been in the citadel for 2 years at the time of this update. Since it's inception it has served a purpose and is very well known among Citadel membership. With apologies to Agony, this submission stands as the low water mark. It has every example of being a bad submission, which have already been beaten to death in the commentary above.
This submission has been challenged a number of times (by the same member, I might add) and each time it has emerged again as the prime example of a bad submission. For lack of better language this submission will remain in the Citadel until Agony or Strolen himself decide to remove it and not a moment less.
With Agony returned to the site I hope to see him return to this submission and possibly make some of the changes that were suggested above, but I am fine with it the way it is now. Arrkrash can now be considered 'under my protection' Go to Comment
DL is entirely correct that magic swords are a dime a dozen, yet this one stands out quite effectively. The backstory sets it in high regards, with other luminary blades that were as often plot devices as they were weapons of magic power, such as Excaliber and Durandahl. The story is excellent and reflects the journey of the hero who in coming to terms with power must make the ultimate sacrfice at the apex of his power. Kudos for creating a truely 5/5 post Echo. Go to Comment
Feel free to link Maggot. I have found that posting characters from my own games generally generates a mediocre, or very little responce, so most of the NPCs I post are pretty much free to use, so long as they are not out right 'stolen'
Echo, so long as they are unique and worthy individuals, there is no reason to shy away from creating a batch of Half-demons. I was inspired by sTYKe's Kairos demon, or by what it could have been, especially the part about moonlight.
A note on Rachat's race, if I list him as Half-Devil, it conjures the idea of some sort of bizarre horned and fork-tongued monstrosity. Rachat appears, and acts human, and other than a few oddities, such as a taste for undercooked meat and his eyes, passes for human very easily. Go to Comment
Wonderful description and personal action, and I would agree with Adel that he is too powerful as presented, but with a little detailing, he could be truely great. Perhaps his appearance of power belies the less tangible flaws, perhaps ailments of the soul, or the spirit.
You are improving, I knew thatthis NPC was going to come up with a 'he got everything he wanted' ending, which would have been lame. I think it is good that he fell to the corruption of power, and I can see him being quite narcissitic and shallow, considering his rapid rise in ability.
rantYeah, because Pinocchio had the dismembered parts of a once living little boy buring in his wooden chest. I dont see any strong Disney, or Pinocchio elements other than the fact that both Cornelia and Pinocchio were both made of wood./rant
Cornelia should ideally seen with pity, as she is not much more than a ghost permanently bound into a wooden body. She has no face, and cant enjoy many things that a living person can, that is, she cant eat or smell, she cant have sex, she really cant sleep or dream either. All she can do is continue her existance in the perpetual service of a wizard that she has the benefit of loving. I can easily imagine other jacks being created without this sympathetic bond. Go to Comment
I can see the surface of the island covered in the marble and polished granite mausoleums of the wealthy, each a monument to the ego of the deceased. These would have been purchased with sizeable donations to the clergy, likely also 'selling' an offspring to the protectors of the island. Obviously these would be family affairs, with only blood relations buried in the many niches and alcoves within each structure. Nicely done.