This is a bit too cliche for my tastes. Aside from being stupid and having a penchant for hitting things with his stick, there isnt too much about Ugg to seperate him from the typical ogre/half ogre bashy type opponent. There could be some sort of foil, or counterpoint to his simple and brutal nature. Perhaps he is a collector of things, children's toys, pressed flowers, something very non-threatening. Perhaps he is greatly concerned about a particular person, or class of people's wellbeing? The first bit of inspiration I got from Ugg was Forrest Gump. Maybe that might help a bit. Go to Comment
The biggest concern that comes to mind is that Crunk is half ogre, and half orck. Now mind you I have no problem with this combination as I imagine it would produce one heck of a monster. Combining the general intelligence of the typical orck with the size and strength of the substancially less intelligent ogre. Unfortunately, the fact that Crunk is a runt, and a perpetual omega wolf. He makes me think more of a goblin that anything else. Go to Comment
interesting idea, nice tie into the religion of Kyren and the link to the sword draw magic is good. Reminds me of a more flashy version of the Ronin Warriors, who also had elemental aspecteda armors. Go to Comment
While upon first glance, this may seem to be little more than some background scenery, I can certainly see uses for it. Perhaps one of the Stellar or true faces has since become some sort of undead, and the only record of their weakness can be found in the original text penned by Dougas himself. Alternately, perhaps some of the chapters are replaced with forgeries, that tell a more politically spin version of a person or event. Go to Comment
Well, there isnt that much quiet about the quiet ward, there are uncommon wandering magic elementals, a technological revolution, and a major acting troupe, maybe calling it the Quiet Ward is like calling the 6'5" biker with the barb wire tattoos Tiny. Go to Comment
The first two paragraphs were pretty good, i like the organized city, the idea od GodSmiths (rather than judeo-christian priests) and the mix of pragmaticism (living area for common folk) and extravance (shaming those mages)
Then the puns started and I started cringing. Ge-Em? The gods Deth and Chro-No? Also, I referenced kretch, and found no entries for the term. I am going out on a limb here and guessing you meant Crèche. Go to Comment
I like the clans interaction with the city, but there is something rather jarring, the dimensions of the wall.
Surrounding the City is a massive wall, 10 Imperial Strides (1 meter) tall, four wide at the base, and two wide at the top
So the wall is about 3 feet tall (those imperial strides must be mighty small, less than 4 inches each) 6 feet wide at the top, and 12 feet wide at the bottom. That is a seriously fat K-rail. Go to Comment
The fact that an Imperial stride is one meter could be presented better, I see that the wall is 10 meters tall, but the post could still be misread as I mentioned above. I didnt penalize the vote for what seemed like really strange wall dimensions. Go to Comment
This submission left me wondering two things (neither of which affected the vote or have much impact on the gaming aspect). The first thing was agriculture, the great plains of the US were cleared of indian threats long before any sort of serious settling was done, most everyone was more intent on getting to the west coast. It wasnt until a variation of a plow emerged that could cut the tough prarie sod that the plains were settled. I kind of expected a sort of King's Trail where settlers and pioneers are crossing the plains to destination X. The second is the preservation of meat for long term, major stockyards came about because of railroads for fast transport and later refridgerated rail cars for preservation. I do imagine a major stock yard springing up to produce jerky (dried beef) by the ton.
Those two things aside, this is a solid submission loaded with conflict and plenty of plot hooks. I could see one of the meat magnates serving as a ambivalent backer for PC parties, looking to gain any advantage, from magical items to sabotage.