Agree with Axel, I enjoyed the teaser as much as the actual submission. I like the idea of the elfin rumspringa sic public service, and I can see this cultural tradition bleeding over into the lands where half elves and elf friendly cultures can be found. Go to Comment
This is not a bad submission, but it isn't a good one either. An ideal to strive for is the Hollywood standard, as in presenting the item as if it were to be used in a movie, comic, or other entertainment venue. What does it look like? Who created it, and why did they do so? It is obviously a powerful weapon, and there are many powerful weapons (YAKAS - yet another kick ass sword), so what makes this one different?
The sword can be used to summon a Balor, and here most people know that that is a specific type of demon from Dungeons and Dragons, but that leaves a huge gap. Does it summon a random Balor, or is it a specific Balor bound to the weapon? Tell us about the demon attached to the sword? Is it a bull roaring monster, a cunning a devious charmer, a shrewd bargainer? (my personal suggestion would be to imagine who would provide the voice of the Balor and work backwards from there)
And Welcome to the Citadel.
PM me if you would like some help editing this, and I'd be glad to be of assistance. Go to Comment
Beautiful, and my favorite is the 7 Virgins dance. It did take me a bit of reading to realize that this is not a suit of clothing/armor worn by a single person, but rather a more traditional parade dragon.
Gentlemen, BEHOLD! The Triple Jump Belt! That wanna be wizard Mario-us of the Mushroom Kingdom can go salve his staff and cry because I have just rendered his Double Jump Overalls worthless! Go to Comment
A mundane, even subpar weapon, until charged with the life's blood of a creature, and then it is primed to deal more damage. I could see variations, such as gaining additional damage potential, increased critical hit chances, etc.
Final Fantasy 12 had a chain system, and the more creatures you killed of the same type, the greater the rewards they dropped. While pen and paper doesn't work the same way, I could see a weapon becoming more and more potent as it hacked and hewed it's way through the same type of foe, becoming nigh unstoppable until it is used to fight something else, resetting it, or throwing a classic DM curveball, the leader of the goblin horde is a night elf, making the bonus useless against it. Go to Comment
Nelson Bond's story 'And Lo, the Bird' circles around this core concept, planets being eggs, back in 1950. Aside from that, most of what is here is different enough to not be considered copying or derivative.
I think it's interesting, but the nature of the gargatias punching out of our universe in the matter of picoseconds rather limits them to speculation or conspiracy theory in a game.
I did something similar to this a good number of years ago, creating an uber-warship that had no master but itself. It was autonomous, crewed by robots, and protected by drone fighters, with sophisticated weaponry and a powerful central computer controlling it. Having completed some arduous and terrible mission far from the edge of human controlled space, the Krakensfire attempted to RTB, only to find that the human government that launched it was no longer in existence. Rather than accepting one of it's sociopolitical descendents, the ship moved off to a holding position and stopped. It was functionally caught in a data loop, if could not return to base and inform it's creators of it's success because the base no longer existed.
The new powers quickly attempted to claim and commandeer the venerable warship, only to find that rather than an antique, it was a cutting edge weapon. Through it's long mission, it had wrought many improvements upon itself, upgrading weapons and armor, scavenging the hulks of ships it destroyed for repair materials and new technology. The Krakensfire laid waste to the ships that attempted to take her, and was eventually destroyed, but only after the warship determined that Earth itself was a foe, and forced a coalition of the Terran nations to fight it off.
After the Krakensfire was disabled, a great cost to the coalition fleet, the coalition quickly dissolved with the surviving fleet groups turning on each other to claim the hulk of the Krakensfire.
Rather than allow of one of my players to claim the ship, she burned up and crashed into the Indian ocean. Go to Comment
The part that really makes this is that the items are mundane and modern, but deprived of their actual names, brands, etc, they become something different, and we see our own crap in an almost anthropological manner. I remember an activity I did in school, where we were given a variety of objects, and were told to extrapolate what we could about the culture that made them, without relying on anything not on the item. One of our items was a copper disc slightly larger than a thumbnail, marked with letters and numbers, and holding the image of a bearded man, and on the other side, a building. It was a penny, but the function was the same. Interesting and fun. Looking around me right now, the first five things that I see for the cart include: a brown bottle with an orange lid, the contents of the bottle are very sticky and vaguely snot-like, a hard black case of indeterminate material, a paper cylinder with some sort of spiced flat cracker like objects inside it, a small vial of iridescent red fluid, the lid also has a brush, and a heavy gold tome of unintelligible writing and many pictures of what looks like pastry.
(rubber cement, a gun case, can of pringles, nail polish, and a cook book for cookies) Go to Comment
I had to Google Paletes, and read up on the anime and manga from wiki. In the Cosmic Era, people on the Moon, or Mars, or any of the offworld colonies do not grow to extreme height because of the lack of gravity. They can and do alter their physical appearance, including height, weight, etc, but this is a function of genetic manipulation and deliberate augmentation. Go to Comment
I agree, all too often the basic motivation for the villains in the typical fantasy and Disney stories are entirely too simple or are evil for evil's sake, but considering the who the intended audience is, children, the villains exist only for the hero to face and overcome. Their motivations are unimportant so as long as it is in opposition to the hero. AS we get older, we see more and more into the villains, and we understand that there is more than black and white to the world. I like that Urooj is not the traditional villain, that he is simply a man forced into a position, forced to take up a burden that wasn't his and has been shaped to it.
I had a read it a couple of times, there are a lot of 'between the lines' things that aren't explicitly stated, but that makes it all the better, because a stoic pragmatic villain isn't monologing, isn't making grandiose plans and schemes, he's shuffling paperwork and balancing the books, but the values being subtracted and moved are lives.
Nice listing of swords, and the history and mythology behind them is delightful. I like how they in varying instances create themselves (left over liquid metal in the forge) or fall from the sky (Cold Moon could easily be it's own entire submission) and how the various swords are more instruments of heaven than the works of the hands of men. They appear, do their tasks or spread their torment and are lost, or in some cases, turn into birds and fly away. The colorful use of language is something that is also lost in western mythology. Thank you for sharing this. Go to Comment
I can certainly see the Norerell and Strange influence. Fantastic book and I love how it handled the fae, as compared to literally every other writer ever. I like how this has the hallmark Muro grimness and strangeness to it and I am interested to see where it goes. Go to Comment
The world is much changed, but yes it is still relatively backwards in that part of the world. That is relevant of course, because in the more advanced parts of the world, the doctors and cyberneticists are going to look at things like liability and lawsuits, and they are just going to say no. Go to a backwater place, and give the doctors and cigarette smoking cyborg mechanics enough money and they'll shrug, say it's your funeral, and start hacking. The same general vibe from Elysium when the guys who fix the exoskeleton to Max's body, but are covered in tattoos, and they pass around a joint before picking up a bonesaw. Go to Comment