Interesting iteration of an "eternal champions" idea, in that it is and has been their destiny to adventure and do what they do across multiple lifetimes. I'd also like to hear more about this. A dimension considered to be a living being as a whole? Antibody characters? Nifty start.  Go to Comment

Attacked? Not at all. I was just curious what you meant by it. I welcome the input and the discussion from a peer, it will help me better my writing and create a better submission the next time. And that helps everyone who might read it. I like raising the bar and fair judging, too.

Honestly, I did not give thought to who was describing the dragon and making those specific conclusions. I was doing it from my omniscient view. I could have done that and specifically attributed the words to a character name (ie: Beltor, the Bard), but you are correct, that would have created another character (which I didn't want to do). When I wrote this, I was keenly aware of not including too much detail. In some aspects, I think that a lack of detail is helpful in ideas such as these. It serves two functions:

1. Hopefully, by not having *everything* laid out it will spark some creative juices in the reader who say to themselves "Hey, I could work with that.", and they could twist it to their uses.

2. If it is too precise in some details, it limits the usability of the content and the less likely a person will be able to fit it into their game-world. If I detailed who gave him the moniker, then I have made it even less useful because it adds another puzzle piece that has to fit.

Here's where I'd like some discussion. Is that wrong? Should it be as fleshed out as possible? Of course, readers can take what they can use and discard what they can't, but it is my thinking that more generic is more helpful.

On the other hand, if I was writing an adventure/plot, then that might not be the case, and specifics would be needed for completeness and ease of use by the game master.

I'm rather new here and this was my first submission, so this is very helpful. Thanks :) Go to Comment

I am new, so thanks AND hi!

I hadn't really thought about Galafox's grand purpose, nor whether he was good or evil. I could see him as either, and as this was an item submission (and I'm not quite sure of the protocols yet), I thought such things should be left generic so that they could be fleshed out by an interested GM.  Go to Comment

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

My audience was intended to be a GM. I think any item should have some fluff to generate ideas, and some crunch to give ideas on how it would fit into a system.  Go to Comment

"People like me?"

That line, and really the top three paragraphs, was intended to be a flavorful description and background. It could be an observation of someone in in the game world, but it doesn't have to be.

Is the manner in which I have written this submission wrong, or at least not fitting to the standard here? Should the entire submission be written in the same style, ie: from an in-world perspective?

Perhaps I should have read more before I posted a sub.

Thanks for the comments and criticism. Go to Comment

Attacked? Not at all. I was just curious what you meant by it. I welcome the input and the discussion from a peer, it will help me better my writing and create a better submission the next time. And that helps everyone who might read it. I like raising the bar and fair judging, too.

Honestly, I did not give thought to who was describing the dragon and making those specific conclusions. I was doing it from my omniscient view. I could have done that and specifically attributed the words to a character name (ie: Beltor, the Bard), but you are correct, that would have created another character (which I didn't want to do). When I wrote this, I was keenly aware of not including too much detail. In some aspects, I think that a lack of detail is helpful in ideas such as these. It serves two functions:

1. Hopefully, by not having *everything* laid out it will spark some creative juices in the reader who say to themselves "Hey, I could work with that.", and they could twist it to their uses.

2. If it is too precise in some details, it limits the usability of the content and the less likely a person will be able to fit it into their game-world. If I detailed who gave him the moniker, then I have made it even less useful because it adds another puzzle piece that has to fit.

Here's where I'd like some discussion. Is that wrong? Should it be as fleshed out as possible? Of course, readers can take what they can use and discard what they can't, but it is my thinking that more generic is more helpful.

On the other hand, if I was writing an adventure/plot, then that might not be the case, and specifics would be needed for completeness and ease of use by the game master.

I'm rather new here and this was my first submission, so this is very helpful. Thanks :) Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment

32.  I'm just misunderstood, people don't get it.  I'm doing this for their own good!  Can't you see?!

33.  I never had a chance to tell them how I really felt, and now they're gone.  Worse, it's my fault.

34.  Everyone else had nice things growing up.  I had an alcoholic dad that beat my mom.  To death.

Go to Comment

It's not very clear that the man in the woods is the one that killed the goblins. The fact that he's missing a sword and that there is one impaling one of the goblins is good and definitely questionable, but another hint or two would be good if you are looking to seal the deal. Perhaps some droplets of blood spattering his clothing or boots.

Also, I'd think the wanderer would ask more questions about what had happened. The progression from "Did you do it?" to "What? No. You passing through?" is a little strange.

If I were in the wanderer's shoes, I'd want to know more about what happened before accompanying a stranger that I suspect is a killer. Why is he out here, how did he find the corpses, and when?.

Typo: Ten goblins had been butchered, there green corpses accenting the red blood.

there should be their. Go to Comment

Good submission for a gritty after the fall game.

What would have happened if the character who claimed to be an angel actually passed the test? Go to Comment