Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Dumuzid
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
Redgre's comment on 2010-02-25 03:09 PM
I like this undead beasty. I like how one is created and why they are created. I like it's weakness, which is contrary to what most PCs would guess, and still makes sense. I'm a little concerned about how this tomb defender is sort of a 'one shot' guardian. Inana doesn't appear to have these creatures defend the tombs out of reverence for the dead but some other reason, perhaps a threat to less that dutiful bodyguards or perhaps she despises grave robbers but doesn't want to put more effort into destroying them. One question I have is this: Does the spirit of the soldier get turned over to gala demons, like this God-King mentioned, or are they in kind of a stasis or hibernation until their tomb is defiled? I take it you wanted a different direction than the traditional mummy, and I applaud your effort, however a little more detail would be most helpful. Go to Comment
Metal Mask of Maeschnarr
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
Redgre's comment on 2010-02-22 12:56 PM
Fairly disturbing... but all in all a plain jane submission. I can't see using it on the PCs and I lack the blood lust to see my PCs using it on NPCs or worse each other. The torture father is a decent plot seed. Go to Comment
Burn Box
Dungeons  (Any)   (Traps)
Redgre's comment on 2010-02-22 01:14 PM
I agree with Ancient Gamer's comments. More development would be most useful. Go to Comment
100 Unique Town/City Properties
Locations  (Other)   (Any)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-28 01:07 PM
Update: The bolded title bullets should actually be numbers... I'm not sure why it didn't post properly. I'll look into it. In the meantime, try to enjoy without the numbers. Go to Comment
Dew Nettle
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Plains)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-26 11:17 AM
Interesting idea seed. Not overpowered, but a new hazard that could be added to any rpg. Sadly, I'm not too thrilled with this 'autodamage to the uneducated' plant and would have a hard time adding it to my rpg without some modifications and probably some additions. This submission was well written and very straightforward. Another simple straightforward plant that could be added to any alchemist's ingredient list. Go to Comment
Dew Nettle
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Plains)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-27 10:50 AM
Well, I haven't really settled on any for the time being, but here's a few ideas.
1. Have the dew nettles produce a paralytic poison instead of stinging. Have a carnivorous amphibian, who is immune to the poison and likes to come out in the rain, prey upon the paralyzed victims. The amphibian would normally be not be much of a threat unless it's victim is paralyzed. Then have the amphibian's dung, victim's blood, or whatever be the perfect fertilizer for the dew nettles. Kind of a mutualistic relationship. The nettles would be valuable to healers as kind of a local anesthetic for patients.
2. The dew nettles are actually carnivorous plants and are trying to kill animals that come close. The preferred prey of the dew nettle is rodents. But if a person or something bigger were to die/fall unconscious on top of the nettles. They might chow down on whatever. The berries would be a natural rat poison.
3. Assuming that the dew nettles are annuals, they have a certain maturity point that is reached every year before they die. At that maturity point, the poison is eliminated and the berries are delicious and nutritious to eat (or contain an interesting magical effect or somehow are useful). Go to Comment
Dew Nettle
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Plains)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-28 07:49 PM
First, if I didn't make this clear earlier, the versions I proposed of your plants are exactly what you wrote. If I added or changed something, I wrote it in my ideas, otherwise they are exactly the same.

Second, every plant has a value... no matter how small and marginal. If the PCs want to harvest a field of hay with their time, I'm ok with giving them a few coppers or whatever from a local farmer (provided it takes less than one minute real time). If a lion were hiding in the hay, did I put the hay there just to get the PCs? The hay was just there, whether for the benefit or harm of the PCs depends on the situation. All three of my ideas could have nothing to do with the PCs. Again it really depends on what the plant is doing in your adventure. Are you trying to teach the PCs that they need a guide? Are you trying to strip a few health (hp) off of your PCs to keep their cockiness down? Are you just wanting a simple complication in the middle of a more complex crisis? Whatever the purpose for including the plant would be accomplished with whichever version of the plant we have discussed.

Finally, if you want to make poison oak that only works when wet, cool. Good for you, whatever makes you happy. Simple ideas are not always bad, but they're usually not terrific either. I like my props a little more interesting and dynamic. That's me. If it bugs you, I won't apologize. I want to be honest with you too. When you make something good. I will tell you about it. I love some of your previous ideas and have given you the votes to prove it. If you make a plain Jane idea... expect plain marks from me. If anything, I'm hoping to help you make better submissions, because I know you can. Go to Comment
The Pierce of the Sun God
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-28 01:03 AM
Interesting take on an anti-undead weapon. I think it could have been developed a little further. I, as well, liked the backstory. Welcome to the Citadel, kleric. Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-20 11:04 AM
I like the story, the puppets, their creators, and overall how it was written. However, the puppets are a bit overpowered and as per the back story, they are protecting everyone... basically they're doing the average PCs job. I think to make these creations more usable in a roleplaying setting, they need a flaw. Whether that be a weakness that the forces of evil use to turn them against their creators or a weakness that makes their current victory short lived. Another interesting idea would be to use them in a different kind of an adversarial role. Make the PCs some of the last bad guys and have them try to survive the puppet menace. If running an evil campaign, I still think the puppets need a weakness. Finally, as you are talking to us as GMs using your idea, it might be nice to share with us the wizard's secret. Otherwise, an interesting twist on mass produced wood golems, limberjacks, or homunculi. I would love to hear more. Keep on writing. Go to Comment
Firehole River
Locations  (Area)   (Water)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-27 12:13 PM
You've got quite the world going here Cheka. This part adds a great deal of flavour to the whole. Are all amethysts magic in this world? Go to Comment
The Zombie Strain
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-17 07:42 PM
I feel the fear... when does the movie come out? Go to Comment
Jade Alksnis
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-17 07:27 PM
This story obviously has some parallels with the Spaniards invading South America for gold. I like that Godwinson too is a bit of a puppet and seems to be decent despite his purpose in a far off land. I did enjoy how the two cultures interact and that they both have endearing and condemning qualities. Good stuff, two upward pointed thumbs. Go to Comment
Hak the Gnoll
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-17 07:08 PM
Hak must be a fairly honourable fellow to feel such a debt to his now departed master or that must've been quite the spell. I agree with the previous comments as well. Go to Comment
Cannibal Magic
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-08 02:42 PM
I definitely agree that a different end for the eighth time would be good. I'm not following your reference though. Could you steer me in the right direction? Thanks for your comment. Go to Comment
Cannibal Magic
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-09 10:36 AM
I like the way you would have taken with it. It makes sense that as the body works through a set of self checks and balances and that certain body parts contain certain powers. I suppose I didn't want to go that way because I didn't want the baddies (or worse yet the PCs) completely engineering themselves and thus have game balance issues. I wanted a chance of failure on an increasingly slippery slope. I think that from what you've presented, one could keep this article as is, for the masses, and have one rare Asuramancer, knows the true path from ancient days... your idea. Unless there's more to your idea, and it really takes you much further away than indicated. I'd be interested in anything else you have to say on this subject. Let me know what you think. Go to Comment
Cannibal Magic
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-10 01:01 AM
I'd like to make a quick comment in response to both Echo Mirage & valadaar. I know I used AD&D to illustrate this power. I did so because for one, in my opinion, magic seems to fit the fantasy setting a little better than most other settings and two, because in my experience, almost everyone I know who role plays has at least some experience with AD&D, I thought of it as the common denominator among role players and the most understandable way to share the idea. Please understand that I did not intend to make this an AD&D magic system only. I think it could be modified and fit well with any role playing system with an existing magical component. Thanks for your attention. Go to Comment
Cannibal Magic
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-12 02:19 AM
A fine response. This is going to be a bit for me to digest, but I thank you. Go to Comment
Zombie Day
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-07 01:52 PM
Good submission. Well thought out and apparently researched as well. It gets me thinking of people being kindof like Bruce Campbell in 'Army of Darkness'. In the first two 'Evil Dead' movies, he is totally a victim who sees many of his friends get killed in a disturbing manner and manages to survive through a fair bit of luck. Finally, in the third movie, he just acts like he's seen it all and doesn't care anymore. He's learned to cope with any gross thing jumping out at him. I see 'Bruce Campbell' syndrome as an individual, national, and international mind set from your submission.

My only concern with this submission is the plot hooks created alongside the cultural ramifications of these dangerous events. I assume that the PCs are eventually going to be the investigators into this phenomenon every March 22 and try to stop it's recurrance. Are you planning on fleshing out the cause, the villany, and so forth in a coming submission? Just curious.

Good Stuff. Thanks. Go to Comment
The Hentariai
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Local)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-06 12:01 PM
Welcome to the Citadel. Well written submission. I agree with Murometz, more of your campaign ideas including the full details of the Strata would be very useful and helpful. I hope to see many more ideas from you in the future. Go to Comment
The Spirit of Urban flora
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Side-Quest)
Redgre's comment on 2009-12-29 05:15 PM
Good submission. I think any PC would thoroughly enjoy the final battle where you have no idea what this plant-demon thing is going to do next. It is clear that you put a lot of thought into this creation. I cannot deny having several questions though:

1) When you say 'spores' do you really mean 'pollen'? Pollen makes more sense to me than spores.
2) At the end of the background section you tell us that SOUF has been copying itself but never make reference to those copies again. Are those copies the symbiotic plants that form part of the golem and then are destroyed? It does not appear like those plants are true copies of SOUF, merely extensions.
3) I'm confused at what point in time did SOUF became a pacifist. Was it at the moment of defeat or earlier?
4) You describe SOUF as being an instinctive being, following an urge for self preservation, however, weapon manufacture (the strange hot bark/bone spear held by the mayor's daughter and the oversized, I'm guessing 20' scythe) shows that it was premeditated at least in some form. Could you explain?
5) Finally, it seems like SOUF has more tricks than Houdini (i.e. possession/mind control, telekinesis, area effect plant control, animal control, golem creation, making super humans through plant umbelical, etc.) yet once it goes passive, it only acts as a charm that provides a little spell protection, a plant fertilizer, and a very strange looking scout. Now I'm all for limiting PCs in getting their hot hands on uber items, but we are still missing the why. Why is it weaker after the final battle? Does it retain those powers but just refuse to use them?

I think this is a great side-quest and plan on using it. I look forward to you completing your demon essence series. I hope my questions in no way deter you from writing. Keep up the good work. Go to Comment
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