As it is right now, it is mostly a list of names and unbeatable superpowers. Not much use as it is. I would try giving each one a 2 or 3 paragraph backstory to say how he came to be that way and how he uses his powers. Try to include things about why he is that way. My players *love* to do an end-run on me and convert or otherwise neutralize my badguy. I think they like that even better than taking him down. You don't want that to be easy (unless it is part of a continuing scenario-arc), but if they discover that it is possible, they will try really hard to make it happen, with all kinds of roleplaying stuff going on, and everyone has fun.
Also, be sure that he is not too powerful. Of course, that depends on the power level of your players, but a samurai that removes 95% of a hero's health in one shot is pretty damn powerful. Or the rat that can not be harmed- arm him with a knitting needle and he'd eventually be able to kill anyone. Or the hunter with a powerful gun that always rolls criticals?
To my way of thinking, a villain should be 1) very hard to take down, 2) do enough damage to make the hero worry, and 3) have some weakness that can be discovered through roleplaying and/or research. In my experience, an unstoppable villain, or one with a blow-them-away attack will not be any fun for your gamers. They want a challenge, not an unstoppable tank or a Monty Python rinky-dink.
Wow! I find myself agreeing with nearly everything said in the sub and the comments.
The bland, 'Thanks for posting' comments are just that, bland. Better than nothing, but not much better.
Likewise the 'Yawn, how very cliche' comments border very closely on the 'your writing is crap!' comments and tear down the author of the sub without giving him any constructive feedback. (and yes, I've seen a few of those in the earlier subs)
Like many of you have said, I *LIKE* constructive comments, both the 'you're doing much better!' or the 'you really made me ponder' (everyone likes egoboo, after all) and the ones that focus on what I've done wrong and how to make it better (after all, even I am not perfect, yet, but don't tell anyone that, OK?). No comments at all would mean, for me, no reason to stay active.
Strolen, any chance of a bit of code that trolls for new comments and flags them for the author of that sub? I know that I still look back to see if anyone has made another comment on one of my subs. Right now, with only 7 subs out there, I can do it but I expect to still be here years from now and 70, or 170 subs would become overwhelming.
Mourngrymn, I agree that even ones that don't post have useful ideas to contribute. But slamming a post without having put ones up yourself is just wrong! It's the act of an insecure coward, hiding behind his anonymity to hurt without being called on it. I don't think anyone should do it, but if you must, at least have the courage to put something up yourself.
Mike, I *loved* your 'words to the wize', laughed myself silly!
Kamina, I hadn't thought of using the PM to make a private comment to a person who's sub needs a lot of help but you don't want to humiliate him publicly. I should have, too. Praise in public, censure in private is a cardinal rule for Creative Writing teachers (actually all teachers and all bosses of all sorts, although it is often ignored). Thanks a lot.
Anyway, thank you, Mourngrymn, for a very thought-provoking article, and all the commenters who turned it into a debate. It's helped me a lot.
Well done, Cheka (5/5). Something like this has been needed for a long time.
I agree with the others on #4. Making something perfect usually means that it never sees the light of day. Aim for it, but submit the 3s and 4s that are the best you can do at that time, and then learn from the crits.
I've been Getting Away From It All (working in the garden, getting River Marked by Patricia Briggs (great author of urban fantasy) and working frantically on a big scenario that began last week) and your sub reminded me that I needed to get back here. Thanks.
Hi. Welcome to the Citadel. I would suggest that you read some of the other high-rated subs and see what they did and how they did it, then rewrite your piece to turn it into a sub that you can be proud of. It is a good first effort, but it could be so much more.
I'm withholding my vote until you have a chance to redo it.
Excellent sub! It was a little confusing in places - I didn't realize at first that the sub was written from an opposing viewpoint, for instance - but it is full of ideas that could be taken and used even if the whole sub was not used in the campaign. I like it!