Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Black Circus of Mortuel
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-11 03:54 PM


I am not going to vote yet, because this is so close to being a five but is missing one crucial thing to me. Motivation. What is the mission of the circus? Why does this god value laughter? Why does he have a group of laughing assassins? I feel like all of this could be explained if I just knew what the motivation of the cult or their god was. 


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Girsh
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Plains)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-08 02:13 PM


Another top-notch submission. I love how all of your animals seem pausable and well tailored to their environment. The plot hooks seem a little on the thin side, but I'm still glad they're there. Thanks so much for posting the picture as well, most of your submissions are so clear I don't need one, but this creature is particularly complex looking. 


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Blydwyn potion
Items  (Potion)   (Combat)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-08 02:18 PM


A very thorough potion, you should create a submission that is a list of your wonderfully detailed alchemical ingredients. A great war-time potion like morphine. 


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Executioner
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Cursed)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-08-08 04:38 PM


I concur with Infested Jerk. Print it out on a sheet of paper and read it aloud to yourself or better yet have a friend read it to you. 



This item does not seem cursed, typically a cursed item has some sort of detrimental effect on the wielder.



Is Damon Lord a person, or do you mean Deamon? 


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The Soul
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-05 03:46 PM


Interesting, the soul is both good and bad, and immortality is impossible if you have a concience. 


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The Door of Heaven
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-02 12:35 PM


This is a very nice and simple low level complication, with so many ways of it being overcome you don't have to worry too much about whether your players are carrying a grappling hook or not. At higher levels it tends to lose its usefulness when magic-solves-everything kicks in. I think it lacks an added layer of challenge though. I'll post some ideas on the scroll. 


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The Door of Heaven
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-02 12:47 PM


Additional complications to increase difficulty and/or lethality without too much effort on the builder's part:




  • The floor is covered in Grease (or ice). 


  • The floor is covered in Grease, then set on fire. 


  • The floor is covered in Grease, set on fire, and produces noxious fumes.


  • There is a very strong wind coming from the direction of the door. 


  • A strong magnet makes the climb impossible in armor.


  • The Door of Heaven is an illusion to buy time for the guards. The real door is hidden at the base of the ledge. (Who wants to climb that ledge every day anyways?)


  • A lever at one end of the corridor opens the door, which shuts after a short amount of time. 


  • The walls are covered in a poisonous fungus that should not be touched. 


  • Any archers or foes up the slope get bonuses to attack and damage for having the high ground. 


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Oka
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mercantile)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-02 12:29 PM


Cute, detailed, practical and a nice fleshing out to the 30 submission. 


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Religion
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Defining)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 12:37 PM


I think the main thing lacking in this piece is clarity. I am unsure if I am reading several books, or if I am Ridinian. Each individual story is interesting and well written. I would also advise changing the title to "Religion in your world name here" to stave off confusion. 


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Fully Articulated Powered Carapace Armor
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 04:11 AM


A very good and complete writeup of an uncommon piece of equipment. Does the Kellerhadrin Plant fiber ever wear out or degrade? I'm sure the suits are broken far before then, but it seems a releveant qestion. If the plants are still alive when they are used you might even have to water your armor. 


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The Ark
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Area)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 04:02 AM


Wow. I have only read this and the Biv (it might be nice if you used inline links) but I already have a very very clear picture of your world. Good work. 


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The Ark
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Area)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 04:02 AM


Wow. I have only read this and the Biv (it might be nice if you used inline links) but I already have a very very clear picture of your world. Good work. 


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Bobeerin
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 03:57 AM


Ohemgee these are so adorable. I am tickled pink by Tauric's idea of them existing in more than one plane, and being large majestic bovine in one and tiny little nusiances in another. You obviously put a lot of thought into these sweet creatures and have a very clear idea of their abilities. Unfortunately aside from flavor I don't see them being involved in anything quest-related or grand. That's okay though, they fulfill their role very well. 


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Rings of Mutual Exclusion
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 03:47 AM
This was where my mind went to first. :D Go to Comment
Rings of Mutual Exclusion
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 03:48 AM


Brilliant, practical, have some creative uses, and some devious ones. The gladiator match would be amazing for a group of players to get involved in. The notes about the appearance and tones was a very nice touch. 


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Mercurial Chain Sword
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 03:44 AM


It seems unwieldly and complex, then again there is a weapon for everyone. Does the extra weight deal extra damage? Is this weapon culturally significant to some people? Was it created for a special purpose? 


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Skirrin
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-01 03:41 AM


This is not just a great flavor piece but a serious natural hazard in an aquatic game. It's very well detailed and has lovely cultural touches. 


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Apportation Research
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - In General)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-08-29 06:01 PM


Interesting. I am not sure what to make of this, but I can see it being useful as fluff to lead into a mystery or eplain some things. It's well written and clear.


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Balarian Mountain Goats
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Mountains)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-08-29 02:10 PM


Very nice and well described. It leaves me wondering what kind of cultures would revolve around the goats and their skins. 


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Vastid
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-08-29 02:15 PM


Very interesting, I like that the creature is little more than a herald of worse things to come. Are you aware that you can put line spacers in your formatting?


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