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Finding The Kings Arms
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Plasmawake's comment on 2013-05-02 05:49 PM
Thank you for the text dividing advice. I will do that on further submissions. Go to Comment
Finding The Kings Arms
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Plasmawake's comment on 2013-05-04 09:50 AM
I was attempting to refer to the ceremony at which the king was crowned. Thank you for bringing it up. The main idea was that the goblin was famous and beloved by the people in this land. That and the fact that he was betrayed or shunned by the king through no fault of his own. I suppose the funeral of the previous ruler or a royal wedding would work as well. Anyways, he was refused access to a ceremony of the utmost importance. Ah what a difference a word makes, ha ha. Go to Comment
Finding The Kings Arms
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Plasmawake's comment on 2013-05-04 10:07 AM
Original nothing, I saw a matchbox with the words "Coat of Arms Tavern" on it. In fact I just picked it up again and it gave me quite a glare. That's why I wrote this article in the first place. He gave me such a horrid look that I felt compelled to insult his family. I feel bad now, perhaps I should apologize to that matchbox.

On a more serious note, I completely agree with your thoughts. I have come up with a few small suggestions that would allow players and dungeon masters to play the twist in mention.

I am however having trouble finding the protocols of editing a submission. Is there a way to submit corrections without having the vote change due to them? I feel that my submission is done, and would prefer to accept votes based on the quality of the original post. Go to Comment
Finding The Kings Arms
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Plasmawake's comment on 2013-05-07 11:55 AM
Update: Spaced out first section into multiple parts.
Updated the first twist's plot to make it less ridiculous. Omitted the birthday party sub-plot from it.
Slight edit to second twist's plot. Made clear which ceremony(s) the goblin was barred from.
Thank you to commentators for pointing these issues out. Go to Comment
Chemical Augmentation System
Items  (Potion)   (Cursed)
Plasmawake's comment on 2013-05-03 03:23 PM

From what I understand you have clearly pointed out that whole CAS
concept is based on cost efficiency. However I see relatively little
example as why this is such. You mention that a direct hit will destroy
the drugs and render the harness useless. I'm left to believe that it
has little to no armor, may be made of inferior materials, and does not
administer drugs well to users.

I'd like to see more about the actual
device itself. Give it a few more setbacks (just a small handful) and
give them more in depth detail. Tell us what it is made of and how it
works. Are soldiers afraid to use it due to its battlefield reputation?
Is there a more expensive version that has major differences? You have a
wonderful way of describing things, this part just needs background.



As for the drugs you have written up, they happen to be rather generic.
They rely on basic rpg stats which they take their names after. I like
how they each have setbacks with slight explanations. That explains why
they are cheap and easily made.



You have put four good submission ideas into one condensed form. As a result they each
lack an adequate amount of detail. You've included the cheap CAS object
itself, the drugs it uses, the setbacks of drugs, and the history behind
the drugs and CAS. My advice is to make three separate submissions out
of the one.



Aside from the submission I'm noticing that you have started off the
first three paragraphs and precursor with the word "the". It can become
fairly repetitive or irksome to a reader when every line or paragraph
begins with the same word. Don't fear though, that is a common problem
and the word you are using is one of the most overused words. Try
rotating out words or rearranging the sentences when you see this
happening.

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