Thundershell Periwinkle -
A small sea snail that grows a sound-emitting shell. The shell acts like a minor Thunderstone. it makes very little noise, but it considered a novelty edible when eaten raw, as the slug inside the shell makes an appealing low roll of thunder as it is sucked from the shell.
I really didn't like the spider explanation, but it works. I love the idea of skulls floating in a blizzard, and, as Echo said "Eating people and scaring puppies."
Good work, and I also really liked the intro story. I didn't find it hard to read and it did more for my than the details of a spider larvae.
Very cool. I liked a lot of the descriptions of the victims and original demon. However, the form of floating body parts was fitting, just not satisfying. I feel like this could benefit from more detail. I want more of this. It's very good, but leaves me begging for more.
Whoa. OK. I don't know where to begin with this one. The idea isn't bad. A rock that makes a thundering sound. It's been done by D&D, and I suspect that was your original inspiration for the Door Trap, but the origin in a creature's stomach is something totally new, it seems, and should be played up more.
Maybe there was some sort of reaction between man's magic and animal magic that caused a thunderous tumor to erupt from the fox-creatures innards. Could start a whole trend of different types of magic clashing for un-for-seen effects.
The writing is distracting and hard to follow with way too many commas. Commas can add a lot of artsy flair to writing, when used correctly. but you have just too many of them all over the place. Do what Dossta said with the reading aloud, a comma is a break or pause in the sentence, but after it should carry the same thought.. This needs to be condensed, rearranged, and re-punctuated.
I hope you can do it, because I like the idea and want to see it given a good write up.
I heard about this in the Shoutbox one day... And I really want to use it. Next time I get a table-top group together for a long-term campaign, you can be sure they will be visiting Corpsefall. I only noticed one minor error, which I have come to my own conclusions about: You mention
"A desert without end, with a sunless, yet dreadfully intense sky above, adorned by swirling white clouds."
Then under The Griz is:
"Their naked skin is tanned dark from the hostile sun that bakes the lands of Corpsefall."
Son, or no Sun? I like the idea of no Sun. So this sentence should be something about their "grey and pock-marked skin, raw and dark from the lashes of the sandy winds." Or something to that effect. Good work!
That was a beautiful early morning read, I feel as if I will go about my day hearing the music in all the things i pass. Lovely, but I do have to agree with Redgre that such detail, stunning as it is, isn't really given a purpose in this submission. That's fine for writing a novel (have you considered that?) but the little things like this can be lost and forgotten if not given a reason to exist. Be it something to fight, or a rare remedy. The only two that stood out at me, as to having a character influencing purpose, were the Singing Crystal and the Humming Birds. Don't get me wrong, this is an amazing work to detail a world with. But, I have to ask a question: Why would my campaign go here? Detail pieces are fine, but if you can answer that for me I would be given a reason to steal it as more than a name drop. Still, good stuff.
There are two varieties of Keyed Mushrooms. The most common is a patch of typically five or six individual mushrooms of varying height and girth. The patch contains a variety of bright fungi with solid, basic colors such as pure red, blue, green, yellow, orange, and white. Each one produces a slightly different sound, each a cross between a drum-beat and the hit of a mallet on a xylophone key. There is an obvious scale to them, like a child's toy, and they can be used to produce simple melodies.
It is said that there is magic in the music, however. And if you play a certain pattern of notes individual to the mushroom patch, you will be rewarded with a shiny little gem as a thanks from this variety of Keyed Mushrooms. You can learn the song by simply, or not so simply, getting in touch with nature. This was be simple for a Druidic spell caster or a talented musician, but prove quite difficult for the average street-bred people.
Go to Comment
The second variety of Keyed Mushrooms is only one mushroom. It is the Grand Mushroom of The Woods, and it large enough for several men to stand upon it without damaging it. It has a rainbow's hue of swirling, flamboyantly-colored dots that will produce sound when stepped upon. This mushroom is a gate-way to the Realms of the Fey, but to open it, you will need a gem from six other, smaller, Keyed Mushroom patches, one of each color, and then to play the correct tune. An incorrect tune, or miss-step will result in a loud trombone-like blast and a puff of narcoleptic gas, rendering everyone in the area asleep. When you awaken, the mushroom will be gone. As that is the nature of music, it can evolve and change through the experimentation of sour notes.