Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Black Leviathans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
Pieh's comment on 2014-07-09 03:49 PM
A decent submission. It certainly inspires dreams of a seafaring campaign and, like mentioned, could work well with some of Cheka's content.

I love crab people. A shipwreck flotilla home for them made by a magical whale is so much fun. Thank you. Go to Comment
The connected
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Pieh's comment on 2014-07-09 04:05 PM
Pretty neat.

I echo valadaar's comments on sentence structure, some lines are a little rough. Try reading what you wrote out loud, or get someone else to, so you can hear how well it flows. Imagine it being spoken in a conversation. I like to adopt accents or tones when writing certain things, too. It's a fun way of keeping the writing in a style.

I'd suggest you completely remove the line about mentally ill patients not helping their cause. It doesn't add anything to the story, it's just a cheap shot at the mentally ill. I do lots of work with people suffering from bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia, among other things, and can tell you that most of them are not any different from so-called "normal" people. Being admitted to a psych ward should not be any more shamed than being born with a heart problem.

Sorry. I'm fairly certain you didn't mean to offend but you hit a nerve and I needed to comment on it.

Good submission. I'm looking forward to more from you. Go to Comment
The Cup that Floweth Over
Plots  (Mystical)   (Side-Quest)
Pieh's comment on 2014-07-09 07:03 PM
Ooh. Very fun. I was really enjoying it up to the last paragraph and then that sent me over the edge. Very, very nice. Stored in the brain for later use. Thanks. Go to Comment
Derran Thurswrat
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Pieh's comment on 2014-07-09 07:10 PM
Solid.

I don't really have anything to add onto everyone else's comments but good job. Thanks for the submission. Go to Comment
Constantine Mauro
NPCs  (Minor)   (Religious)
Pieh's comment on 2014-07-09 04:33 PM
Quick ideas: Constantine decided dying wasn't for him. He just wouldn't do it. He was extremely sick and his body failing on the day death came to him. He said, "Not today, I'll die tomorrow. Maybe." And, as death is just a servant, Mathom's will was done and Constantine did not die that day.

He continued to not die for 40 more years before he grew tired of life. He was impossibly old for a mere human and completely bedridden. Death had stopped asking him if he was ready and would not answer his call now that he was. Constantine begged every caregiver who came to him to put him out of his misery, to send him to death via the express lane, but they would have none of it. He then began to beg for revival. "Put my brain in a young body! Transplant my soul! Replace my limbs! If I can't die I want to at least live!" he would painfully croak out to anyone who would listen. Someone listened intently.

One night, as Constantine lay sobbing in his bed, a doctor arrived. The doctor said he could give Constantine new life, he said he could give him back mobility and strength, but there would be a cost. Of course Constantine knew and expected to be the eventual case. He had finally attracted the attention of a necromancer! He was overjoyed at the thought. He said aloud that he would give anything to live again, to breath without pain, to run, to jump, to have the freedom of youth once more. The doctor asked for confirmation, "Anything? Anything at all?" Constantine reassured him, "Yes, yes, yes," until he was nearly out of breath. "Good." Said the doctor as he lit a small oil lamp.

A creature of nightmare stood before Constantine Mauro. A sickly, skeletal man with tight, red skin and eyes like hot coals. He ran a prickly finger of Constantine's lips, "You should sleep now." he said. Then he left.

When Constantine awoke in the morning he was... (A location? A mood? That's all I've got in me for this spur of the moment writing. Anyone able to finish some more?)

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Furry Tree-Zombies!?!
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Gaming - In General)
Pieh's comment on 2005-11-14 12:08 PM
uh, sorry. :)
I'll put a note about it being long. Go to Comment
Furry Tree-Zombies!?!
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Gaming - In General)
Pieh's comment on 2005-11-15 08:44 PM
Well im just going to leave it here and ignore it. I dont care enough about it to 'fix it up' I just thought I would share something I found funny. Thanks for the feedback. If you really think its not appropriate then you can delete it, Strolen. You have my permission ;) Go to Comment
The Players Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
Pieh's comment on 2013-03-20 05:44 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
What kind of Moonquakes????(A tale of Mysantia)
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Pieh's comment on 2012-11-27 12:01 AM
I like it. Very weird, very awesome. The other comments are dead on. I would love to get a chance to use this some day. Go to Comment
Fox's Dragon Scale Armor
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
Pieh's comment on 2012-11-27 12:18 AM
This is good stuff right here. It feels fresh to me, a cool new idea with great possibilities. But it also feels like it has some mileage in it, something comfortable and familiar. The writing is smooth for the most part as well as informative without using too many words. My thoughts on this may be skewed by my recent absence from The Citadel, but I think it's quite nice. Go to Comment
Non-Euclidean Architecture: Part 1
Systems  (Architectural)   (Specific)
Pieh's comment on 2012-06-08 05:45 PM
Very nice! This article does a great job making non-euclidean architecture accessible to a GM is a usable fashion. I love how well you capture the parts essential to gaming and manage to avoid a lengthy mathematics lesson. Looking forward to the next one. Go to Comment
Grinning Towers
Locations  (Fortification)   (Plains)
Pieh's comment on 2012-04-15 07:59 AM


OUT WITH YE!



Haven't been in touch with MJS. Took off running with this, and now it's live. Hope you enjoy it.


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Familiar Elementals
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
Pieh's comment on 2012-04-15 03:57 PM
That is a very interesting take on it. I've read the Potter books, seen the movies, I enjoyed them but I never really took it to the roleplay level. Elemental sorting is a very fun idea, and these familiar do fit in quite well with that. Great idea! Have some xp. Go to Comment
The One Beneath the Waves
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Natural)
Pieh's comment on 2012-04-15 06:05 AM


This is a neat little submission. A little madness, nice tragedy, bit of a hostile planet scenario. Overall: Thought-provoking. I could see using this on a smaller scale as well, in a fantasy setting. Far Ocean, God-From-Beyond-the-Stars with complete control of it. Turns out it's just lonely, wants to babble at people, and thats why no one makes it past the Edge of the World Waters. Cool.


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A slight problem with Hell
Plots  (Travel)   (Encounter)
Pieh's comment on 2012-04-15 07:46 AM


I remember this one. Time to correct that no vote or comment!



I really like this one. Very fun, lots of room for growth and change. Good stuff.


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The Chosen
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Pieh's comment on 2012-04-02 07:22 PM


As the others said, I agree with the others.



Hulking magi-mutants frenzied by religon. Not bad. It's been done but that's not a problem. The thought of an entire month without sleep is horrifying, especially when combined with the thoughts of what kind of stimulents, magical, physical, and chemical, these Samites would have to employ to achieve that without killing the subject. Not bad at all.


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Shay-Keded, The Cursed Kopesh
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Cursed)
Pieh's comment on 2012-04-15 08:06 AM


Neat. I've always has a soft spot for the khopesh, and remarkably usable weapons of less suitable materials. Flavor is good, names are great, history is fun. Solid.


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Sidjir Towers
Locations  (Fortification)   (Any)
Pieh's comment on 2012-04-15 04:49 PM


This is a really cool idea. Could probably be a nice fairytale of sorts about the powers of friendship with a little work. Great tale, with useful hooks. Nice one.


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Hammer of the Dark
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Pieh's comment on 2011-10-30 04:21 PM


Hm. A hammer that lays down an area of darkness. Interesting item, never would have thought to use a hammer for something like this. The story is decent as well, I love the idea of a prisoner miner busting into a secret chamber. That's good stuff. Why is all the text bold? No point deduction, but it's ugly and cramped (in my opinion). You also have 3 or 4 blank lines at the top of the page, why? Do some formatting, pretty it up. But, the all important content is still nice.


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The Sword of Angradhat
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Pieh's comment on 2011-10-30 04:00 PM


Pretty cool. Very nice item with well-placed minor magic abilities, but much larger potential for social/diplomatic encounters. Good job.


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