>:D

...that is all...

Okay, maybe not, I really like it, it's funny and happy and insane and did I mention happy? I'M SO HAPPY NOW!!! EVER SINCE I FOUND MY BEAUTIFUL DAGGER I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER, EVEN IF THEY WON'T STOP LAUGHING, I'M STILL HAPPY!!!!!! >:D

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It's a good idea, well written, and I will agree that using a hammer instead of the more traditional sword is a good idea.

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Great Job Mourn. Go to Comment

I too can't wait to see more of this grandiose new world you're populating.  Great job with this one, and glad to see you've renounced your vow of lurkitude. :D

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I like it, it's equal parts SCP and The King in Yellow.

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Seeing as tanks are generally anti-tank weapons, a traditional tank round probably would just pass through, though getting hit with a round with a diameter of 18" travelling faster than the speed of sound would generally count as a bad day for anything, but if it hit off of center of mass and just took out a couple of limbs, then yes, the elib probably would survive. That being said, they do have anti-personnel tank rounds, which is basically just a canister of grape shot that explodes a little bit out of the barrel, and while I've never actually seen one in action, reading about what grape shot did to people in the US Civil War, I will say that it would probably more than kill one of these things, especially if it was fired into a drain that one was hiding in.

Link to a video of AP tank round: http://splodetv.com/video/anti-personnel-tank-round Go to Comment

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I'm going to have to agree with the others on this, it's either a decent stub, which is fine, or an undeveloped submission. I've got no major problem with the character of Edamus as such, every mythology/history has some figures that are quite frankly larger than life, and if he learned about life, the universe and everything from a few letters from the gods, I could see how he'd be viewed that way, in his time and especially afterwards.

On the other hand, some possible improvements would be to list the gods, or at least their domains. Another one is that you quite frankly say that the papers were destroyed, and yet later Ed seems to stumble upon them, revisionism is alright is history, but when you're writing a sub for an rp site, one might say something like "lost for a couple of aeons" or some such, so that not 3 sentences later someone finds something that was quite frankly described as destroyed. Also, and this is just a discongruity between your comment and what's implied by the sub itself, but if Ed is one of the first people to experiment with the magics as it were, how exactly was the Chariot of the Gods, which one would expect to be made out of sturdier stuff than balsa wood, destroyed by a people that were quite likely busy banging themselves over the heads with clubs, or stabbing each other with pointy sticks?

Also, I'm sure you're going to explain exactly who and what are Edamus and Thyra in other subs in the future, but until that point at least provide us with some idea as to the extent of their awesomeness. I'm only guessing that Thyra is likely where the college of mages or some such wonder exists in the world, but for all I, as an outsider know, it could be the very colorful name of the King's pigsty.

If the problem was that you were tired when you wrote this, I might suggest that you don't post things at 1AM in the future. Truthfully I don't say any of this to make you feel bad, or run away from the site because the people here are meanies and too critical, but because I actually like to read well put together posts. As it is I'd probably give it a 1.5, there were no serious grammatical flaws in it, only a couple of minor stylistic ones, the idea has quite a bit of promise, but wasn't done justice. I'm not actually voting because I'm hoping you'll take what I and the other's have said into consideration and rework the sub. Also, I'm sorry for pretty much writing an essay for you. :/ Go to Comment

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I will agree that this is very much a 5

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History

yr x - magus fred goes to edge of world to examine floating islands and the mist
x+10 - collects small following who he begins to teach the magical ways of magic
x+15 - chaining of the islands and the first schoolhouse is built
15-40 - high town grows up to cater to the increasing population of mages and students
x+40 - fred dies, his students declare independence from the local gov't
x+42 - first war over, mages set up independent city/state
42-100 - mages from the college sell themselves out as mercs
-------- outer town grows up in addition to high town
~70 - airships invented to assist in the study of mist
-will not be weaponized until towards end of 2nd war
-first ships small, capable of carrying 2 maybe 3 people, will be 50 yrs before they can be used for trade
~80 - rish becomes an economic power exporting magic weapons, potions
-harbor dug, walls built due to increasing dislike of the mages from outside world
x+100 - 2nd war, 3 kingdoms unite to crush the menace that the school represents
x+104 - war ends without clear victor, 3kings armies are weakened and demoralized, mages sign treaty agreeing to not meddle in the affairs of everyone else
x+104 - the order of the watchers is established to make sure the mages abide by their agreements
+150 - rish has almost returned to former glory, mages are still /nominally/ neutral Go to Comment

neighboorhoods

school proper
hightown
lower city
skydocks
mist watch
high bridge
gate district
quild quarter
wedge

high bridge
low bridge
fool's bridge
the bridge Go to Comment

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Only voted Go to Comment

Puritanical cthuloid lizardfolk of death, decent idea, it could use a little panache, but besides that quite solid, also why has no one voted on this in the year and a half it's been on the site?

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It's a solid idea, I personally would've like to see some more fluff with it, as it is right now it's basically just a list of what it does, no "Old Greg the pyromancer..." story to spice it up at all, just fire, cloak, pretty, warm, nomex, teleport.  It's not bad, it just doesn't have panache, which happens to be my word of the day for today.

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Only voted Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment