Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-09-19 08:04 AM
Interesting, and a novel take on slave-clones. I especially like your exploration of the legal status of these guys.

Good job!

/D Go to Comment
Blimp Dragon
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Other)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-09-18 11:26 AM
Somehow I imagined this as some sort of floating, oversized man-o´war, with very little in the intelligence and perception department. I sort of envisaged the buoyant tisue to be something extruded from the central core, like a shell, hard and insensate.

The whole thing is, of course, completely without any base in real-world physics, chemistry and biology. I´m sure somewhere, a physicist is tearing his hair out over the inconsistencies in lift and buoyancy, a chemist is weeping softly over the line: "Chemically altering helium" and a biologist is clawing her face in despair over my flagrant nonchalance of animal size v/s nutrient mass intake rules. Oh, well, with magic everyting is possible (and its always fun to annoy people).

Thank you for your comments - Your criticism is what makes me a better writer.

/David Go to Comment
Blimp Dragon
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Other)
Ouroboros's comment on 2012-06-15 04:05 PM
Thanks, Forganthus. A late thought on these critters is that they could be the larval stage of something a bit more... interesting. Perhaps they are the spawn of the Great Air Kraken, a ferocious beast that lives in the upper atmosphere and snacks on airships... Go to Comment
Belsethra, the Mother of Sin
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Mystical)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-10-31 03:39 PM
Good one, Echo. Just the title "Mother of Sin" gives me shivers... Top-notch in originality and structure, I especially like the "commentary" boxes.

/David Go to Comment
Lord Miranor
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-07-22 07:21 PM
I agree with the Cap´n. This is a bit thin, still - but workable. There´s potential.

You have described the man´s history quite detailed, but left out most of his personality, mannerisms, psychological make-up and most of his appearance. "Cruel and malevolent with a strong muscular build" is pretty cliché.

I would suggest giving the man some distinguishing marks, some quirks.. maybe a fobia? Mesh his quirks with the backstory, then you´re there...

Oh, and dont forget to run it through a spell check... I´m prone to forget that myself..

I´m holding off my vote until you´ve had a chance to go over it... You´ll get a LOT of good advise, I´m sure..

/David Go to Comment
The Haracon Fire Stave
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-07-18 05:27 PM
Oh yes, I love the twist on that... the three pieces makes for a good treasure hunt, too... From a RPG point of view, that´s a good thing! Go to Comment
Izal Apt, The Puritan
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-11-01 06:41 PM
Wow, thanks guys... Im a bit surprised this came out on top, since there were so many excellent subs in this quest, some which I consider better than this one. Not that I´m complaining, mind you, Im deeply thankful that you like the stuff my oddball brain keeps throwing up..:-)

Well, well.. It seems my suggestion for a steampunk quest were heard. Now I might just have the thing for that...

Thanks again, friends.. Oh, and if you have the opportunity to watch the directors cut of Clive Barkers "Lord of Illusions", do so.. You might see where the idea for good ol´ Izal came from.. it really is an excellent movie..

/David Go to Comment
Izal Apt, The Puritan
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-08-10 04:04 PM
Thank you, my friends! Your reflections, thoughts and criticism takes what I write out of my hands and turn it into something better than I could achieve on my own.

/david Go to Comment
Izal Apt, The Puritan
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-07-14 03:37 PM
Hmm, I intended to add this to the current quest. Is there any way of doing that after the fact? Go to Comment
Izal Apt, The Puritan
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-07-14 08:16 PM
Thank you, Strolen! Go to Comment
Khraz, Last Hope of the Downtrodden
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-07-14 08:40 PM
Oh, yes. I really like this one.

Favourite bits:

Helmet stamped flat and worn as an amulet - Damn, wish I coulda come up with that.. That is so good!

Crude slave language lacking small talk - Nice, very nice..

Beating someone to death with a wheelbarrow - Imaginative, although slightly worrying...

Good job!

/David Go to Comment
Unique Gems
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-04-04 02:28 PM
Very original! Me´sa likes! 4/5!

/David Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Plains)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-04-01 09:23 PM
Hi guys and girls! This is my first post in quite a while. Hopefully I will now be able to produce some good stuff again, but you know, sometimes real life just takes up a lot of your time! Anyway, I hope you´ll enjoy this little floratic horror.

/David Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Plains)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-04-20 01:09 PM
Wow. Here i go off for a few days, and look what happened. There´s so many ideas and suggestions here I cant even begin to sort them out.

First of all, Moon´s comments were all thoughtful and constructive. Thank you so much, Moon - You´re just the type of critic one needs to produce better stuff! As far as I can tell, Moon´s issues are :

A) The "inescapable" effect (death or madness) to anyone who hear the whispering. The idea that was in my head was that the susurrus is not lethal (merely causing disorientation, dizziness etc) as long as the breeze is slow. If there is no wind, there´s no effect. In a hard gust, the whisper grows and causes a "mind-blast" effect... Now imagine a band of charachters trying to cross a whisperweed field unprotected while praying fervently that there´s no sudden gust of wind. The GM can roll a few hidden dice, describing a gust rippling the fields on a distant ridge, heading their way...

B) The ecology of the Whisperweed. I would think that the whisperweed is self-limiting in the way of all predators - if it has no prey, it has to move or starve. Plants cant move, so it will die if it consumes all the wildlife in an area. I´d say the Whisperweed are dependant on the juices of its decomposing victims. Perhaps it has no phosphate-fixation system, like all other plants? So, the weed cant grow in totally barren lands, and will be eradicated if it grows too close to habitation or livestock. I imagine it leads a struggling existence on the fringes of the inhabitated lands, not too close, but never too far away from living things...

This is just what I imagined when I was oing this write-up - there might still be many inconsistencies in the text I have to deal with.. But not today, I was at a bachelor party yesterday..:-)

Thank you, friends!

/David Go to Comment
Hazenbrazen and Gribaldy
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-04-02 03:12 AM
Did I hear anyone say "Bauchelain and Korbal Broach"?

I´m getting some "This is my best PC ever"-wibes, but the post is well rounded, fleshed out, reasonably original and with a sense of dry humor that I like. Could pehaps use a grammar once-over, but not bad at all.

/David Go to Comment
White Children Of Hosok
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-09-19 08:14 AM
This is a good one, deserves to be brough out of storage once again. Go to Comment
Systems  (Mystical)   (Defining)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-01-09 05:09 AM
Good one! All the Kuramen posts have a certain feeling or flavour that appeals to me - not unlike Bas-Lag, actually! And I love a systematiation of magic that goes beyond that of DnD. Great job! /David Go to Comment
Warprender and Weftcleaver
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-10-05 05:24 AM
Yep, these I like... These have been sitting in my favourites list for some time, just waiting for a HoH. Deserves to be seen... /David Go to Comment
Shadows of Mercy
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-11-03 08:22 AM
Euthenasia blades? I do like it. A bit of social commentary woven nicely into that post, too, unless I´m mistaken?
Its an interesting philosophical question, and this post is nicely expended from that foundation. Good one!

/David Go to Comment
Artemius Coil, Physician
NPCs  (Minor)   (Knowledge/Lore)
Ouroboros's comment on 2008-01-04 07:53 PM
Well, I bet no-one, no matter how deranged, would risk pissing Dusk off, so I guess he puts on a fresh shirt when called up the hill. And I´m pretty sure Coil uses the Honey as a sedative when doing surgery, so I guess its not impossible that he does a bit of distribution on the side as well - perhaps the more refined, select stuff? Good idea, by the way!

Now go to sleep, pussycat! Go to Comment
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       By: Agar

A large bamboo like plant grow on a shoreline. Rather than growing round like conventional bamboo, this type of grass is shaped more like celery, and mature stalks just need the ends trimmed for ready made canoes.

Ideas  ( Lifeforms ) | November 5, 2003 | View | UpVote 1xp