Interesting Idea. I like it. It isn't an epic Item, but a very nice piece of work to throw in.
Suggestions: Fill out the story of the paladin. Make his story really epic. Then I would add in something about town gossip blah blah blah. Fill it out some you get the idea. You don't have to though. Not every item in Strolen's citadel needs to be a 5.0 item.
Actually, I don't recommend using it as a main quest. It is actually a better idea to have as a last resort for anything else. Sick child? Evil Curse? Cancer? Arthritis? Old man in a coma?
In fact, I would use it in none life-threatening situations where somebody wants to cure a long time affliction like a bad knee or a case of asthma. If the PC's manage to do everything correctly, they could get some great rewards and a powerful contact, but a mistake could mean that they have a dead noble, or worse, a dead noble's father.
No, the snake cannot be transported. I don't have any actual pre-existing reason, but suffice it to say that an elixer that can grant near immortality should be near impossible to use limmitlessly. It is a balance thing.
I guess if the players went to significant trouble to transport a large portion of the eco-system, then I might let them get away with it, but I would ensure that too many attempts at that resulted in a ruined fountain of youth.
One final note: I don't really intend for this to be a stellar piece of work. Just something to contribute that you might like to use. I have some other submissions that I am trying to do really well, and they are taking priority right now.
I really like this idea. There is a lot of potential with this one. My only real criticism with it is that if adventurers find it after a long wait, then it only will matter on a very small scale, a single person crazily attacking people.
This item strikes me as somewhat complex. It knows your actions? How complex are the actions that it can sense. Picking up a sword seems pretty basic, but what about robbing a bank. How does it know that you aren't witdrawing money legally. What about "incite trouble"? Thats pretty vague.
Does it require external triggers in certain cases.
How fast can one be made? Is the secret to making them protected, or can they be made by any wizard?
Can it be opened with a regular key? A mundane key seems like poor protection against a valuable magical item. Are they protected from being removed in some other manner?
What kind of price could this fetch on the black market? Are they legal on the regular market? A lucrative business might involve unlocking these and then selling them.
Can they be fooled somehow? How could they be tampered with?
Can I get a few good case studies. What interesting examples could we see from this collar.
What other effects has this had on the legal system? Are convictions more frequent with longer sentences?
Has fashion been impacted by this upturn? Maybe people would have stopped wearing collars all together.
These are a few of the interesting questions that would make this post a 5/5 HOH, and I think that Mourngrym was asking for this. This has tons of untapped potential. I would like to see some of it unlocked.
Drackler, this is an espescially poor post. You'r posts are normally: short, undetailed, incomplete, but still, at heart, good ideas.
This post isn't even a good Idea.
Basically, all you have done is re-created wolf-men and given them some demon blood. I am unimpressed. You have not added anything that makes these Wolfkin unique or worth mentioning. I mean, Honestly, what is the point.
There are so many ways that you could have set these creatures apart from everything else in Fantasy, but you have not.
I have to date, given only two submissions the low score of 1.0.
Yes moonhunter, you are right, but he has to learn. I have tracked every single post he has made, and not yet has he shown that he is growing. This latest Idea was longer than his other posts, but it was not enough.
He could have added something wierd about the society and structure, he could have added something unusual about the way that they choose prey. He could have added nearly anything that made these creatures unusual as monsters and I would have credited him with a good idea.
As you said, his grace period has run out. He spent maybe fifteen minutes on this, and that is probably an overestimation. I don't think that he is trying.
Drakler, at the very least, you could post some of your incomplete ideas as in work submissions and ask for help. I would be the first to offer ideas. Instead you have thrown rough drafts up as finished products even after repeated advice that tells you that they would need more work. You have seen what we grade highly and no longer have the excuse of not knowing what is encouraged, and, dare I say it, expected.
We want you to contribute, but not if you are unwilling to put effort into your work. No more retroactive improvement. Ask for help BEFORE you submit them. Then you will get a grade that you can be proud of.
This may sound harsh, but you need to hear it from somewhere.
Ok, guys. I am extremely aprehensive about releasing this to the public. Notably, I feel like my Purse of the Dai Kiri has set the standard for such submissions of mine, and the only direction to go is down.
So, lots of constructive criticism. I feel like I put in too much flavor text, but I can't be sure, and I feel like I need more oddities, but I can't think of any. And well, im just plain nervous.
Actually, I am sure that the Dai Kiri would love that. Outlawing brooms. Not only would the military police look ridiculous, but they would look even more oppressive than usual.
Could you imagine the outrage of people everywhere if brooms were outlawed? Shop keepers would have to worry about dirty, dirt covered floors. Bakeries and Meet Markets would have HUGE infestation problems. In short, it would be outrageous for everybody.
The Dai Kiri aren't just around to beat up the bad guys. They also specialize in making them look bad. Nothing would please the Dai Kiri better than for the Military police to look like the tyrants that they really are by passing a ridiculous law. Go to Comment
I know that you all want the Dai Kiri Society Posted, but at the same time, I am not sure wether or not this is a good Idea. I think that some of the originality in my posts involves the fact that I also reveal something about the Dai Kiri with each Item.
Frankly, I don't have the Dai Kiri completely built yet, but even if I did, I would rather find ways to make each piece interesting, than to clump it into one interesting whole, and have each part lost it's novelty.
Its the name CP. I don't know why, but the name gives her gender away. At first I had not read the name, and I thought she was a man (cause just about everybody it) but then I read who posted it and immediately realized that she was in fact a female. Maybe it's the misspelling of Pheonix (really awesome creature by the way) that gives it away... I don't know.
OK. So about the post (had to get to that eventually). Add names. I realize why you use "(insert some famous magic user name here)" but it is already assumed that DM's will change the names to protect the innocent.
And why a troll's intestines? How does a trolls intestines make it easier for a mage to enchant? does he have to cast a less potent spell? Why not a normal ring. It would obviously sell better. And before you go replying to me about how yes it does make the spell easier, don't tell me in the comments...fix it. I need to see why this item is the way it is in the post.
Sonce you are new here, and I support new people on the site, I will give you a better grade...not really, that was just a joke.
But seriously, this has some potential, but it needs that potential to be filled. Go to Comment