On reading this updated version I am upping my vote. The background made the character more real to me. His hidden skills in sorcery and necromancy, used as a tool in his battle for supremacy of his religion over the other, also speaks to the nature of the faithful in your world.
However, I do agree with the points made by valadaar. Saying "1 in 10" sounds like the simple mechanics of a die roll, which pulls me out of the story. I really like the idea of John in turmoil over being possessed by a spirit which both helps him and controls him.
This is pretty cool in my book. A lunar religion? How could I not like it? :)
Since the waxing moon is associated with generally positive things and the waning moon with generally negative things, are there any associated beliefs regarding the evening and the morning? (Since the waxing moon is more visible in the early evening and the waning moon moreso in the late morning.)
Are there differences in how the moon phases are perceived during the different seasons? For instance, would the new moon in winter be seen as a strong time for Mortes since the harsh weather likely means more deaths?Go to Comment
I don't have much to add beyond what others have said. I like the mushroom handle; it's a nice touch. Also the delayed buildup. The names are a nice departure from the usual.
The stats are fairly meaningless to me, although I can mostly extrapolate out their meaning. Some fluff text for description would have been a nice addition.Go to Comment
This is quite creative and cleverly done. Enough is hinted at (even if not outright stated) to add this type of magic to a world.
One thing that stands out for me is that, rather than stated openly and boringly, a picture is painted of the callousness required to be a practitioner of this art.
I see this as a potent school of magic with very few practitioners. Learning this blood magic, it seems to me, requires a certain sociopathic bent as well as patience and focus. (In other words, they would make excellent, coldly calculating, villains.)Go to Comment
I feel like I get some teasing glimpses of a larger world here. References to the Plague, using sorcery to induce vampirism, groups such as "Masters of the Tomb", the vampire god (whether real or not), etc. Color me intrigued in the setting.
Aside from that, I think this could benefit from some plot hooks. Halan seems like a major player in this world and I would like to see how you view that in terms of the players.
I hate to say it but the name Oleastra puts me in mind of the food product olestra (not really your fault and I know I'm not really one to talk when it comes to odd names, it just seemed important to point out; of course it could just be me.)
Overall, I like this and look forward to reading more.Go to Comment