This is my first attempt at a pocket realm. It is the setting for The Lost Empire. I've had it in my mind for awhile now and am finally getting it down. It doesn't quite feel complete or all that unique. I'm open to suggestion on improvements, additions, anything that can help it to stand out a little and feel more complete.
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I plan to write a few adventures (maybe 5 Room Dungeons) that will take place here, leading up to The Lost Imperial City.
This makes a really excellent introduction. I have an inkling of what the mask does and how it operates. The tone of horror is conveyed really well.
I am left with a few questions, though. What does it look like? What is its history? Does it grant powers to the wearer or just whisper suggestions?
I think the problem is that it is too vague and could use more details. I also think the overall theme is a little scattered (is it a creation myth? a tale about immortals?). I would suggest figuring out what the theme is and then going back through paragraph by paragraph, weighing each one against how well it fits/expands/explains that theme. Then cut, reword, and expand as needed until the message is clear.
Just my 2 cents.
This looks more like a first draft than a polished sub, so I will also withhold my vote.
An interesting idea and a vicious torture device. When you truly want your enemy to suffer.
A conceivable variation might be to allow an outsider to share in the vision in order to gather intelligence. How better to get to know your enemy than to see how he reacts in a sandbox?
#35 If an entire town is out looking to lynch a suspected murderer... even if you believe he's innocent, when you find him it is best not to go running after him, shouting his name while holding aloft a picture he painted of the victim. He is not likely to believe you have good intentions and might respond poorly.