Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-11-03 09:17 PM

Thank you for this. It's a pretty fair assessment. My original concept was going for irreverent humor but it came out as poor caricature, methinks.

If I ever spend more time on this, I'll take your advice by adding in a few more scenarios that expand the story a bit and show the main two ghosts from different angles. Also give them a backstory, although I was trying to hint at the essentials via action and dialogue. It's certainly an unfinished piece as-is.

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Elanor 'The Laughing Fox' Reaper
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-25 02:43 AM

There's a nice "larger than life" aspect to the character that truly shines through. This is the kind of character that needs some good artwork.

I would love to see a little more detail here, though. Some narrative would be nice, especially if it gave some solid examples of Elanor and her personality (bonus if it relates to her nickname). Maybe a few scenes outlining some of those key points of her life? Zoom in a little and give us a close look at the action. As it stands, she seems like a nicely detailed scaffold, but I don't get a real sense of the meat of her.

I do like the hints of the larger sci-fi setting and wouldn't mind seeing more subs about the various details you've peppered this sub with (the kind of thing I like that gives it a solid, rather than a generic, feel).

A pretty good first sub, by the way.

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Yotian Soldier a Tale of Mysantia
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-25 02:07 AM

I like the idea of warriors so dedicated that they are willing to completely commit themselves to their cause in this way. Imagine the skill a thousand year old warrior would have (assuming they are able to continue to learn after death). Also imagine how cold and soulless they would have become, being unable to enjoy the regular aspects of life.

With some simple modifications, this idea could be used in many different ways, including some sci-fi (the mind is uploaded into an onboard AI, for example).

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Yotian Soldier a Tale of Mysantia
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-25 11:57 AM
If I might make a suggestion... The next time you write something, walk away from it for a day before posting. Then reread it and see if you can't find some areas that could use more detail. Or even ask one of us to read it over and suggest something. After you've expanded it, at least a little, then post it. Go to Comment
The E-Stix
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-25 12:01 AM

My first thought: A ninja disguised as a bubblegum-chewing, neon-polish wearing, hangs-out-in-malls girl. Beware the bubblegum ninja!

Although the Shadowrun stuff fits in too, certainly.

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Marked One
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-24 11:54 PM

Good work on this. The writing is nicely done, the idea is interesting and well-rounded. I think it might take some thought to figure out how to use him in a game, but his story is intriguing enough to make me want to do so.

I like the internal struggle he is forced to endure as a balance to all of the power he has attained. Beware madness as a price for power!

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Items  (Materials)   (Sentient)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-22 06:17 PM
I like this, it's a good flavor piece for a setting that can be used in many subtle ways. Any supernatural source of information becomes a good means of bringing things into the game, whether it be clues in the form of a riddle or something that requires effort on the part of the PCs to acquire. Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part I
Locations  (City)   (Forest/ Jungle)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-22 12:56 AM
So many creative bits and pieces, all woven together, The story of the necromancer, Black Anna, etc; each of those things could be expanded into a sub all its own, yet they are blended really nicely here. While splitting it up further would make it more convenient to read, I think I understand the effect of it all presented together.

I'm going to ponder this a bit before I go on to Part II. Go to Comment
The Threat of Sugar
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Artistic/Performance)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-17 03:26 PM
Eclipse Phase FTW! I love it. Still hoping to play that game at some point, but this is a nice taste. Go to Comment
The Residents of Oldport
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Local)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-16 10:34 AM

Not only is this creative and pretty well fleshed out as an idea, it just begs to be used in a game. The opening pulled me in, the main content delivered, and there were some nice gems (like the vicious toddler attacks).


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The Ruins of Oldport
Locations  (Ruins)   (Plains)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-16 11:04 AM

Didn't see this one before I read the Residents sub, so this answered most of my lingering questions.

I do have a couple, though. If the city is only rebuilt at night, does that mean invaders only attack then? What do they do during the day and why would they wait around to attack in the darkness when there are so many effective defenders? (80 guards seem like an easier task for an invading army.) What would happen if they were to swarm the main dais and destroy the board with all the names?

Aside from the above questions, I absolutely love the idea and the atmosphere.

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Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-14 10:53 PM
I don't really follow, Aramax. I haven't seen enough of you to become aware of any square pegs. I certainly had my moments early on of feeling like I didn't fit in / was ignored (nothing like the feeling of commenting all over the place while watching my own subs fall off the page without a single vote) / was misunderstood, but that eventually passed. It can be kind of a crazy place here and we're all a pretty wacky bunch, but it's really worth it to stick around and figure it all out.

My advice to you is: relax, really listen to the comments, and try again. Go to Comment
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-14 10:55 PM
Completely agree with Muro's comments. Not going to vote, because I feel it could use some fleshing out, but I really dig the core idea. Go to Comment
30 Dragon Flavours
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-14 11:54 PM

I had my doubts at the first one, since it seemed like the cliche Tolkienesque idea of a dragon. But, my doubts were quickly stripped away when reading the rest. Nicely done, very creative.

My favorites were: prehistoric, sea, mammalian, earshatter, salt, pen, tandoori (but many of the others were also fun).

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Impossible Iron
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Criminal/Espionage)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-16 11:42 AM
Definitely the goatee ;)

I like your definition of the difference between hero and villain, cruc. I've often read that villains *believe* they are the heroes. That fits in this case. Go to Comment
Impossible Iron
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Criminal/Espionage)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-16 11:43 AM
A fun read that hints at a larger universe of heroes and villains. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part II - Bloody
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-17 11:01 AM
Enjoyed this very much Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-16 01:26 PM

This is a good length, I think. I applaud your decision to break it up into parts. Now on to the next...

Oh, and I enjoy your narrative style. It really pulls me in.

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The Heads of Zaid
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-16 11:53 AM
Sarah Voltaire
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-04-22 03:48 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
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       By: Erik

The Worlds Shadow. A world in which all is dark and is a shadow of all things in the real world. And a shadow of it's former self.

Ideas  ( Locations ) | February 25, 2003 | View | UpVote 1xp