Masterfully done. You definitely went beyond the boundaries of the quest and made it your own. I ended up forgetting to look for the quest words as I got pulled further into the story.
Somewhat reminiscent of The Inferno, which was a page-turner for me. It would also make an awesome video game :)
This will be very helpful for me. It all seemed so obvious as I read through it, yet all of my own attempts at organization have failed miserably.
This would translate well to a dokuwiki site (I bounce around between different computers and try to keep as much stuff in "the cloud" as I can.) Dokuwiki's namespaces match up with the ideas of folders and it would be easy to control access to the material. Most of the above would only be accessible by the GM, while players would have read-only access to select sections and could even be given areas to keep their own notes in.
(runs off to set one up)
I imagine something similar could be done with a service like Dropbox.
I really like the potential I see in this. Having said that, it feels more like a summary than a sub to me. There is just enough detail to get me intrigued but not enough to really sink my teeth into.
For instance, the description of the outside of the castle is evocative, but the inside is a complete mystery (as RGTraynor pointed out already.) There is only a single paragraph detailing the history of the castle and only one sentence about the enigmatic, deceitful mage who opposed Ram's world-conquering ambitions. Who was this mage? How was he/she/it aware of what Ram was doing and why be the one to derail Ram's plans? This history seems, to me at least, to have a strong bearing on the nature of this stronghold and therefore important to understanding it.
There is a hint of who Ram is but no real examples. He went from power-mad to blase? There must be a deeper story there and I'd love to read it. And what is the "deceitful nature" of Castle Incarnadine? I love the idea of a sentient, untrustworthy castle (the better to torture my players with), but I need to have a better idea of what that means in this context.
In other words, the "why's" are as important to me as the "what's."
Perhaps I would understand this better if I was more acquainted with the Planescape setting (I left D&D behind some time ago.) I am vaguely aware of what Sigil is and that portals play a role in the setting, but not much more beyond that. I've seen pictures of Tieflings but know little about them as a race and/or culture. A little more context would give me enough to translate this into my own game.
A tentative 3/5, but this has the potential to be so much more (and I will happily reread and revote if it gets expanded.)
I was almost expecting to read, "Three is not the number, unless thou then proceedest to four. And five is right out." :D
I like the idea of this. The wording was a bit confusing for me and could use some clarification. I wasn't sure at first if the birds only showed up on the amulet or if they were real birds observed first and then they appeared on the amulet. Your reply to Scras about geese and swans helped clarify that (and the joke.) It would be better included in the sub.
I understand the urge to make things generic to be plug-and-play, but don't be afraid to liven things up. Include whatever creative details you can come up with; if it gets used, the GM will leave out whatever doesn't work for a particular campaign.
2.5/5, but I will revote when/if it is improved.
I see a lot of potential in your subs, Raptyr, and I hope you stick around.
This is my first attempt at a pocket realm. It is the setting for The Lost Empire. I've had it in my mind for awhile now and am finally getting it down. It doesn't quite feel complete or all that unique. I'm open to suggestion on improvements, additions, anything that can help it to stand out a little and feel more complete.
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I plan to write a few adventures (maybe 5 Room Dungeons) that will take place here, leading up to The Lost Imperial City.
This makes a really excellent introduction. I have an inkling of what the mask does and how it operates. The tone of horror is conveyed really well.
I am left with a few questions, though. What does it look like? What is its history? Does it grant powers to the wearer or just whisper suggestions?