Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Lazarus Lightward
NPCs  (Major)   (Religious)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-08 06:30 PM
An intriguing character with a lot of good details, like the white suit with the tiny drops of blood and wearing symbols of his old faith. Excellent work. Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-31 09:14 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Halan Of Gimirrai
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-26 07:12 PM

I feel like I get some teasing glimpses of a larger world here. References to the Plague, using sorcery to induce vampirism, groups such as "Masters of the Tomb", the vampire god (whether real or not), etc. Color me intrigued in the setting.

Aside from that, I think this could benefit from some plot hooks. Halan seems like a major player in this world and I would like to see how you view that in terms of the players.

I hate to say it but the name Oleastra puts me in mind of the food product olestra (not really your fault and I know I'm not really one to talk when it comes to odd names, it just seemed important to point out; of course it could just be me.)

Overall, I like this and look forward to reading more.

Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Desert)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-28 07:21 PM
This is an exceptional idea. I love those kinds of primal forces. I also love the the relationship between belief and power. Once again, an excellent addition to the intriguing Ouzquin Dremorix. Go to Comment
The Church of the Exquisite Blade
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-26 07:26 PM

I had to read through it a couple of times but I think it finally sunk in. I like the idea of an order of Paladins fighting for good while unknowingly working for an evil entity. It's the kind of twist a skilled GM of evil intent could do much with :)

The plot hooks seem like good ways to get the PCs investigating something that would otherwise remain hidden to them. A party could fight their way up the food chain after they learn the truth. Tactically minded PCs, however, might seek to turn the lowest order of Paladins against their god.

I especially like that Krunuth holds his followers in such low esteem. It's a nice touch.

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The Other Side
Plots  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Defining)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-27 08:03 PM

We need a "save the cultist" movement. For too long have the forces of good and right trampled upon the simple, hardworking, and downtrodden cultist; those whose only collective desire is to unleash world-destroying demonic forces. Is that really so worthy of being harried in their homes and put to the sword in their places of worship? Have we no tolerance?


Ok, seriously, this is one of those great ideas that seems like it should have been completely obvious, yet has never occurred to me before. Great work on this. 5/5

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NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-03-25 11:05 AM
This is the kind of NPC that can drive a plot in so many unpredictable directions. Ally, enemy, easily underestimated; I likey.

Can someone missing such pieces of their soul know what they do not have? I imagine fear would keep Snap from taking that final step to being whole if it were actually in front of her. Wouldn't that be a death of sorts for her? Would she still be who she is afterward?

I wouldn't mind seeing more about the type of magic used by the witch and how she was able to provide some kind of soul. Was it a created soul? Some sort of trapped demon? A ghost? A patchwork of elemental or nature spirits? This is purely curiosity as the sub works fine on its own. Go to Comment
But they're only minions...
Articles  (Character)   (Game Mastering)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-03-20 02:26 PM
A nice, thought-provoking first sub. Kudos. Go to Comment
But they're only minions...
Articles  (Character)   (Game Mastering)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-03-21 02:28 PM
Another solution to this is to avoid the use of minion-type encounters by making the PCs less powerful overall.

Even though I do not play any D20 games, I am fascinated with the concept of E6: (Note: I've read only enough to understand the basics, not the whole thread.) Basically, characters cannot advance beyond level 6, making the world a deadlier place and keeping challenging monsters challenging.

By capping PCs development there are no more simple minions that can be swept aside with impunity. Encounters stay meaningful and there is always danger. Go to Comment
But they're only minions...
Articles  (Character)   (Game Mastering)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-03-21 05:04 PM
I see minions and "bags of XP" as being 2 aspects of the same issue, though.

I'm also more a fan of handing out experience based on overall scenarios rather than single encounters, which is another way to deal with this. Go to Comment
But they're only minions...
Articles  (Character)   (Game Mastering)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-03-25 10:50 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Specialst Damien Snow
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-03-14 11:33 AM
I'm withholding my vote for now but I will be happy to reread this if it is updated.

I see 2 areas where this could be improved. In the first, he seems a little stereotypical. There's nothing here to differentiate him from countless other movie and book heroes. He seems more like a caricature than a character. Parent killed? Check. Emotionally closed off? Check. Military training? Check. Believe me when I say this is an easy trap to fall into and one that has been difficult for me to kick. I reject a lot of my own character ideas (the ones that never make it to the page) for these same reasons.

Second, while the list of attributes covers many aspects, they don't really tell me who he is. I would say to use this list as a starting point rather than the finished product. If he's a practical joker, show us a couple of scenarios where that plays out. In fact, you could write a couple of paragraphs for each detail here and really bring this character to life. You may even find that the things which make so much sense as a single sentence fall apart once you try to fit them together through narrative. Contrary details may even present themselves.

I look forward to seeing where this concept takes you. Go to Comment
Specialst Damien Snow
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-03-15 08:26 AM
I look forward to seeing these. Go to Comment
The History of Atheus
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Game Mastering)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-01 08:18 AM

I have difficulty believing that the humans would be able to simultaneously eject all the other races, but I understand this is critical to rest of the history and the nature of Atheus. It is internally consistent, which I like, but it seems to depend upon an unlikely event.

The same goes for keeping the barbarian races at bay. I would expect a horde of hungry and angry barbarians to be able to overwhelm the civilized lands. European history has more than a few instances of barbarians banding together with even less motivation to accomplish such a thing. (Then again, Caesar was able to conquer Gaul by pitting the tribes against each other, so I could be wrong.)

Having said all that, I see many possibilities in the way Atheus is set up. Lots of potential for conflict. I can't say I'm a big fan of the humans, especially the ones on the border. That kind of blatant segregation does not sit well with me. I'd probably want to play on the barbarian side, maybe as a troublemaking chieftain looking to unite with others and teach the humans a thing or two :)

Go to Comment
Locations  (Continent)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-27 07:59 PM

I wish I'd read this one first before some of the other Atheus-related subs. This gives me a better sense of things.

Giving this a 3.5/5, but only because it's light on details. Hopefully many of those details will be filled out in other subs. (I always struggle with figuring out how much to put in one sub and when to split it out into others, knowing I risk a lower score on the individual ones when I do.)

Looking forward to reading more, including catching up on the history.

Go to Comment
Maire's Monsters
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-01-01 01:06 PM
I don't know what you had in mind, but with the combination of modern education and mysticism, I see this in a sort of supernatural 19th century Europe.

I like the added detail for the other sub. Go to Comment
Society/ Organizations  (Artistic/Performance)   (Area)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-25 09:32 PM
More excellent detail for the setting. This is the kind of background material that really helps set the tone. The word choices, the phrasing, etc all adds to the feel of material as well. Go to Comment
The Trapped Sea God
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-01-02 03:41 PM

Plot Hooks

  • Heroic PCs have vowed to drive off or slay the sea dragons, although they are hopelessly outnumbered and overpowered. A little research, or perhaps a chance meeting of an old bard on the road, reveals the existance of Gundrak, thus sending our epic party in search of his slumbering form.

  • Whilst sailing the northern seas, the party comes across a strange iceberg emanating magic. How does Gundrak react once freed from his prison of dreams?

Go to Comment
Mother Monster
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-01-01 01:02 PM
Great tone, excellent story on the birth of necromancy and zombies. Go to Comment
Plots  (Event)   (Encounter)
MysticMoon's comment on 2012-12-31 07:01 PM
Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom by Cory Doctorow is an excellent example of this.

A possible plot hook: the PCs are hired by a clone who needs to know how his original self was killed. There is a blank between when the last brain dump was made and when the original was killed. Go to Comment
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