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White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-25 10:01 PM

Wow, this is long :)

Could easily have been broken down into several submissions. I'm not sure all these journal entries are necessary in this piece either. As a reader, I immediately guess where they are going. The tale itself is also rather straightforward but stretched out. It just seems like too many words are used to say, "Greedy guy forces Mage to summon sharks. Ma-O is attracted by the spectacle and magic. One shark is embued with demonic power. Shark becomes a terrible, sentient force that wants retribution and revenge against the two-legged ones that plunder the seas." Now I know that may sound like i'm taking a cheap shot--Anything long can be broken down into a quick synopsis--but Im not! I just think you could have told the same powerful tale with about 600-700 less words, if that makes any sense. As one small example, you don't need the sentence where you say, "a shark's teeth are meant to penetrate the blubber of sea mammals". We know :)

On the other hand, it seems you just gave up at the end with "Role-Playing Ideas" :) This is the part where so much more can be said! The Shark's ability to control the minds of humans needs be explored further! So many possibilities here!!

On to the good!

The concept is an awesome one. An Eco-Avenger from Hell on steroids! The story *is* engrossing, and I found myself transported to your visceral, watery world as usual! The shark itself is perfectly primal and terrifying. Love the fact that it affects the minds of humans. Love that a cult forms around it. The cult could be another sub! Love the creature's single-minded, relentless drive. Some great imagery and phrasing too!

Ok, this comment is now getting to long lol

Welcome back, Maggot! I do enjoy your aquatic madness!!

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White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-25 11:46 PM
Ooooh! That's a great idea! Shark's perspective! Go to Comment
White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-26 12:03 AM

More thoughts:

1. I just can't get this visual out of my head...the shark slowly cruising the murky bay at twilight. Fishermen, dock-workers, etc are going about their business. The shark begins to mentally dominate them...

2. The Cult! When they kill, they chop off arms at the elbows, to emulate shark-fin harvesting. They carve out livers and leave them nailed on walls for obvious reasons. They preach a "return to the sea" from where all creatures once came...

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Vestments of the Blessed
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-22 04:15 PM

The title made me expect a listing of all kinds of different religious vestments, Kuseru-style which would have been fun (miter, etc)

But this is good too. I mean we've all seen variances of these robes before, but it's still a useful, useable, and straightforward, piece.

One nagging thought is--though they demand "faith" to function properly, that doesn't seem much of an impediment or mental obstacle to the "faithful" a world where gods are real. And once a wearer sees them time.

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Infernal Forge
Locations  (Other)   (Underground)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-22 04:24 PM
I didn't find this as orgasmic a read as Cheka did lol, but the concept itself (and the fun table) is great and classic! It does beg for expansion of some sort as mentioned by DLM, but can't currently think of ideas to add.

a suggestion for the table of effects: getting sucked into the hellfire rend in reality. Pfft. Gone. :) Go to Comment
Homo Sapiens Xenus
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Space)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-16 12:22 AM

Holy shit! My brain exploded. The Replacements are here. And we suck. There is so much amazing info in this and I'm not even a sci-fi guy. Creepy, crazy, and wow. Asexual, Technophilia, Terms...exceptional submission.

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Ogre Sports
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Local)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-15 02:12 PM
Thanks Mageek! Here is a deeper look into ogre society and culture. A great take on the brutes. Go to Comment
Ogre Sports
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Local)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-14 11:55 AM

Save the Bait.

A form of fishing I suppose, but the purpose here is not to catch any fish. In fact, as an interesting foot-note, Ogres I've learned, refuse to eat *anything* found in water. Something to do with their convoluted traditions and myths.

Their version of fishing goes something like this:

A living goblin (this theme will repeat itself I'm afraid) is tied securely to a very long rope, one end of which is attached to a sturdy pole, which an ogre grasps tightly with meaty paws. The "bait" or "lure" if you will, (said goblin--quite alive) is then tossed or heaved into the muddy lake, beside the Ogre village. Usually four to five participants (and four to five goblins) compete at once.

The ogres toss their goblins and then wait. Soon comes a horrid creature, responding to the splashing, drowning goblin's struggles in the water.

These fish resemble huge gars, but seem even meaner. Their snouts and maws are narrow and long, akin to a crocodile's, and filled with razor-sharp needle teeth. While they cannot swallow the goblins whole, these fish can mutilate them in short order. *Snap*--there goes a goblin leg. *Snap*--there goes an arm, and so forth.

The competition begins once the gars start snapping at the goblins. At this point the ogres begin pulling on their poles, flinging the goblins out of the water and redepositing them back into the drink moments later, some distance away.

There are rules to this sport, I have come to learn (oh gods please let me die in my sleep tonight!).

An ogre is not allowed to yank his goblin out of the water for more than a few seconds at a time, and must toss the wretch back into the lake almost immediately. (Yes, for those wondering, the ogres have a "referee" watching these gruesome proceedings.)

This morbid nonsense goes on until almost nothing is left of the goblins attached to the ropes. After a certain time limit is up, (I am doing the best that I can to explain this sport, from my poor vantage point) the ogres pull whatever is left of their goblins out of the lake.

By now you have probably guessed how the "winner" is determined. Whichever ogre has the most goblin "meat" left dangling on his rope, wins!

You know, I used to despise the loathsome members of the goblinoid races, much like you folks out there, I am sure. But after witnessing this Ogre "sport" (and other even more gruesome ones), I feel nothing but pity for the miserable little creatures.

The next sport I will document (to myself), involves a huge ogre skull stuffed with--gods know what--and yes, you guessed it--more live goblins.

Oh wait! Here comes my slop!

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Ogre Sports
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Local)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-14 12:55 PM


Today is a special day. The ogres are getting ready for something called--bare with me here--"Ch'razzak."

This sport involves two teams of ogres competing. Six ogres per side. The setting is a large cleared field or meadow. From my limited view it seems the playing field is quite large. As the ogre teams get ready by hurling vile insults at each other across the field of play, other ogres prepare the game "implements."

Sixteen massive ogre skulls (if you are wondering, ogres are fond of saving the skulls of their dead, boiling them for many hours, and---oh never mind, I ramble!) are stuffed with pitch and dirt, and I don't want to guess what else. All except one skull which is stuffed with a small, live goblin, in such a way, that the cramped, "folded" wretch cannot move an inch, and can merely stare out of the skull's eye sockets...and whimper helplessly.

The game begins when the sixteen skulls are all rolled out to the center of the field. An officiating ogre speaks some gibberish, blows some sort of aurochs horn, and the two teams of ogres bum-rush toward the center of the field, looking to grab the right skull.

I am not going to lie to you. This sport is entertaining to watch, though that is probably because I am now bordering on insanity, and am numb to the horrors I witness. Also because the ogres tend to suffer gruesome injuries themselves during the matches. This makes me happy.

The goal of the sport is to advance the skull with the goblin to the opposite end of the field, while the ogres from the opposing team do everything in their power--kick, punch, gouge, smash, jab, tackle, you name it, they do it--the skull "carrier" and retrieve it for their own side, at which point the same thing happens in reverse. One team carrying the skull, and the other team looking to maul them.

There are intricacies involved (I cannot believe I am using that word to describe these savages!) During the bloody melee, the ogres lose track of which skull houses the goblin naturally, and therefore frantically attempt to get *every* skull to their opponents end.

Additionally, spectators hurl insults and gobs of spit upon the participants, and are allowed to toss more skulls (stuffed with dead goblins, oh the trickery!) into the fray from the side-lines, completely confusing the players involved. Chaos reigns for approximately an hour. Bloody, lovely, chaos! (I am losing my mind!)

Finally, some ogre or other (there are usually ogre casualties involved), stumbles with the right skull toward the correct field-end. At this point, the goblin inside the skull actually feels some hope. A bit shook up, but still alive! This hope lasts a mere moment, as the "winning" ogre proceeds to impale the skull, goblin still inside, onto a sharpened stake in the ground, signifying the end of the match.

Much merriment and celebration ensues among the ogres, while the goblin bleeds out, ignored and forgotten.

Thank the gods that I cannot fit inside a boiled ogre skull!

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7 Spells for Pompous Nobility
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-08 10:17 AM
Nothing wrong with these per se, but they strike me as either rather ubiquitous spell effects (7- silence, 5- fear, 2- insect repellant) or strangely random ones (scratch/itch?). I think 1, 6, and 3 are interesting, but 3 is a magic item. Also not sure about them necessarily being spells for "pompous nobility". I think regular old poor hedge wizards can get their hands on silence, fear, scratching and itching spells too. :) Go to Comment
7 Spells for Pompous Nobility
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-08 12:15 PM
idea for "pompous nobility" spell...

Clear the Path

Traveling nobles love this magic and will often use it much to the annoyance of the people it affects. When cast, this spell forces (compels) all those in the nobles "way", to move or step aside for as many seconds as it takes the noble to pass through the throngs of commoners and "rabble" unimpeded. It functions in a cone-like radius of several dozen feet. When riding through their cities or visiting other places, this will cause a "wave" of folks to move away or merely step aside, clearing a path for the noble, creating an impressive visual, and of course feeding the noble's ego. As soon as the noble passes, the compulsion wears off, leaving people muttering under their breaths and rolling their eyes at the interruption.

This spell will ONLY affect ordinary people (0 level folks), and would not stop PCs from remaining in the noble's way, if they choose to do so.
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7 Spells for Pompous Nobility
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-08 03:43 PM
Instant Flatterer

This spell causes one random commoner within a fifty foot radius of the noble to suddenly erupt with uncontrollable flattery, reverence, and various blandishments in regards to said noble. The affected will do their best to loudly speak up on the noble's behalf and remind everyone in the vicinity just how amazing and awe-inspiring the noble is.

"Why it's none other than the glorious, resplendant, Prince! Conqueror of kingdoms, our magnanimous ruler, look how he shines as he rides!" (Etc...)

This lasts for approximately a minute or so, or until the noble has moved on, after which the person effected returns to normal...and probably gets a clop to the head, by whichever annoyed commoner is standing next to them. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-04 11:04 PM
Now that is a great name for...that. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-04 11:06 PM
suggest 'Morskiye Lyudi" and 'Rusalki' (plural). Will comment on the meat soon. Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-04 02:43 PM
Not to answer for Scras, but if I recall he uses google-Russian for his translations. So I'm guessing this is how "sea-place" comes out :)

Scras, for a small, tidy fee of zero dollars, I can help with the Russian names for things if you like. Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-04 03:40 PM

Sure! No co-author credit needed. Let me play around with a few names, because direct translations can be tricky...

Some ideas...Vodamests, Moryedoms, Podvodniydoms (or Podvods for short).

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Locations  (City)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-04 04:17 PM
Also, now having read this, I like how you have the neo-soviets choosing to "dominate" the oceans and sea-floor. Particularly fun to consider is what exactly (new tech, new lifeforms, new science, new clues on life's origins, etc...) they discover and or create miles below the surface. Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-05 07:37 PM
Scras, was just reading about these things in a Nat Geo mag today, in an article called "remnants of a failed utopia" :) Apparently the soviets made these prototypes to use against US navy subs, but never mass produced them.

But of course they reminded me of this sub, so... Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-04 08:12 PM

I got it!!

Podvadom(s). Sounds like podvodoy which means underwater and has it as a prefix. Plus it has dom, house. But it's shortened and also sounds like a word meaning something akin to a deep dark cellar, so becomes slightly more modern and dark humor Russian-y. The Federation just calls them "podvods" and uses numbers for naming the few(?) they know of...

I could see them actually being called Podvadoms if they existed. Back me up on this, Alaknog! ;)

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Identity Theft in the Cosmic Era
Systems  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Specific)
Murometz's comment on 2016-01-16 11:30 AM
Another great (and scary) CE read. A simple but fun plot hook for Body Doubles and Doppelgängers could involve a PC escaping (whichever hell he/she was stuck in) and having to (desperately wanting to?) hunt down and kill off all duplicates. Go to Comment
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