ok, I could have added some clarification and more description. I thought the lightning bolt clasp might have done the trick :) but I guess not.
-Formerly, the cloak caused gooseflesh and uneasiness whenever the wearer was close to danger. Now it simply causes that sensation all the time.
-It's not that the goose bumps and such "cause" uneasiness. An overall feeling of nervousness and mild paranoia is felt as well, on top of the goose-bumps.
-Obviously people wouldn't go around calling it a "horripilation" cloak. I guess you can call it a "Gooseflesh Cloak" or something. I meant the name a little tongue-in-cheek, for exactly the reason you state. It seems such an OMINOUS word, I thought it would be funny. I guess that amused only me
-why would lightning affect it? Geez, I don't know. Why not? I don't have a scientific or detailed magical discourse on the subject.
- "Not sense danger until it passed or something along those lines." I actually like that suggestion a lot. Great alternative (probably better actually and funnier!)
- Nobody, thanks for "wooly-and-worn". Hope you don't mind.
In closing (and as Nobody mentions-thanks!) I didn't mean this to be a "world-changing" magic item, and didn't want it to be overly complicated. It's a quirky cloak, thats all. In hindsight, I should have made the entry as Yazzard the NPC.
*did some slight editing*
I DO appreciate your comments and suggestions, Mourngrymn. I guess I'll chalk this one up, to "you didn't like it" :) Go to Comment
"The only creature, that can be victorious on any battlefield, is the raven."
Best opening line of any submission I've seen to date!!
except maybe Captain Penguin's..."Return to me," she said, and as he died, he said: "I shall return".And though the years flew like sparrows from disturbed nest, he did return, year after year...! Go to Comment
Manfred- I guess they could be interested in various poisons, but I see them more as specialists. Otherwise they devolve into a Poisoners Guild. Also, the beauty of Vephelot's Milk is that you can never tell (unlike other traditional poisons) if the baby sipmly died (quite common in real world history) or was poisoned. Having said that I still think your take on it would work! and most importantly THANKS for caring. I still can't get over the fact that I found this website and like-minded INTELLIGENT individuals such as yourself who like what I like!! *gushing* ...bare with me I'm new. I'll get jaded later.
antidote- yes and no. I'm guessing somewhere out there is an antidote or cure (there would almost have to be I think), but for now there isn't. My players have decided that the best way to deal with this villainy, is either to infiltrate the cult, or find some way to actually kill Vephelot. They understand that this can't be done in a "put-up-your-dukes" kind of way, so I can't way to see what they come up with.
Vephelot- "merciful spirit"...I like that a lot!
BTW- we are playing this weekend and if YOU have any ideas on what the antidote should/could be I'd greatly appreciate some thoughts.
Scrasamax- DANG! I could not have said it better myself. Go to Comment
you know what...you got me! the 44 day thing was off-the-cuff. I was just trying to give it a limited time for it's effectiveness. Since in every other way it's pretty freaking deadly! half year sounds good. Actually maybe 66 days
"over complication" from a person who names his beasties Baha'raha'ha ra. I jest of course!!! but explain if you would re: over complication. I keep reading posts and everyone preaches maximun detail? Go to Comment
Mourngrymn- I will be a parent myself (hope hope) in a month. In fact if my pregnant wife ever read this, she'd KILL ME! ;)
Your points/take on this is DEAD ON!
I guess in my game, the pc's simply decided to find a way to kill Vephelot in lieu of cure. They started last week, by poring over ancient dusty tomes in libraries, in an attempt to find mention and clues on Vephelot. Go to Comment
Manfred- Yes that's Ilya ;) Named after Ilya Murometz, greatest of the Bogatyrs in Russian Mythology (which gives me an idea for a submission). I would of picked "Ilya" but you guys already have one of those apparently.
re: your feedback I LIKE how you think.
Nobody- Where to begin. First thanks for the detailed feedback. Let me try to address a few of your points
1- it's an awfully limited poison BECAUSE a simple cleric or gaggle of concubines can't do anything about it. Hence, " incurable and unstoppable". They can't "purify" the food or water. It can't be detected either. How do you detect a colorless, odorless poison, that has a VERY mild taste of pus if it's in a bowl of Borscht. If what you mean is clerical magic, this particular poison isn't affected. Thats the whole point. As far as "only 3 uses a year", how many future kings can there possibly be to kill off in a one year period?? 3 seems okay to me. I guess it's an opinion thing. Thats cool.
Basically, I think I'll need to add a creative antidote/cure. I'm working on it. Was hoping someone here can throw out some ideas (like Manfred did-Thanks)
Making it a contact poison is a fine idea i guess...but it's not a poison created by a "deity". It's created by a minor demon. So I am not sure about "divine potency". This might be a case of semantics however on my part, so I'll leave that alone. 99 days is good point. nuff said. "hard but possible" is a great point as well.
2- Somehow I don't see the order as limited. I mean killing off royal bloodlines is a pretty major gig. A LOT of planning goes into pulling off successes for this group. Maybe I should of made it clearer, but harvesting the stuff doesn't take all that long so they are spending the rest of their time doing three things 1- plotting on how get the victim to ingest the poison 2- constantly looking to "place" key (not many but key) individuals in positions of power and 3-living their regular lives. It's not a religious order really. They don't recruit heavily. And if they screw up a "poisoning", there's always next year, or another kingdom. It's not like they are always successful. (sorry I think I'm going off on a tangent). But basically they definitely don't have a "widespread following"!
However if you mean this:
Vephelot cultist #1- "Hey, I heard the prince is going hunting. Maybe we can take him out then"
Vephelot cultist #2- "Let's try it. I can talk to that mad druid who owes me a favor. Let's plan this out well, since we screwed up killing him when he was born"
then ABSOLUTELY YES, I should of expanded on what else they do. No argument there. Great point!
I don't know what Roack means either by overcomplication. Waiting to hear.
"anecdotes" and "reeling the reader in" are both great points! Will do in future.
argghh...more detail. Won't it simply be too long?
"Describe the occult practices of the order in graphic detail, describe how the nobles react, describe how the people see these miscarriages. And don't just describe the overall effect, but describe them in a way that makes the reader feel like they are there. Go down to an individual level and really make the reader want to keep reading."
There is no way around it. Your absolutely right !!! (re: your last paragraph). Detail, detail, detail. But how many pages of this stuff do actually want to read??
Anyway, THANKS for taking the time to critique this. I appreciate that more than a simple "it's good/it's bad" comment. I guess getting that last 1/2 sword form you will take a little more work ;) Go to Comment
I'm trying to bold the headings but for some reason it's not working.
MJS- In a nutshell...The One True Faith is not so much a religion as it is a unifying religious concept, the tenets of which were developed and created by a few elite individuals (in my world), who saw the need to control the people politically and spiritually. There are so many religions, deities, cults, and pagan beliefs in this world, that certain large governments and tyrants realized the imperative need (for the sake of simply ruling the populace efectively if nothing else!) of a centralized system. The One True Faith does not deny any other gods or religions (YET!!-The Inquisition is coming later). It simply preaches that behind every deity, demigod, or religion there is one underlying FORCE...or "THE SOURCE", as the One True Faith has named it. THE SOURCE is not a personification but an IDEAL! All the gods came form THE SOURCE, and the One True Faith attempts to quantify and qualify this concept, hoping that slowly, over an admittedly long period of time spaning many generations, people will let go of their "pagan" beliefs (Its a relatively new religion) and have one monotheistic (or one might say pantheistic) belief system. Again, mainly for the sake of "real world" politics.
Of course this seemingly benign, passive-aggressive plan of conversion, wouldn't necessarily stop a man like Earl Garmon Cabbagestalk from translating the One True Faith pragmatically, using it to further his own agenda.
Yikes!- Not sure I explained this well (?)
I am always reminded of Emperor Constantine, when he gathered the various christian scholars and holy men of the time, gathered all the various writings and scriptures, and "banged out" one defining bible and belief system for Christianity. I understand that is not exactly the same thing as I described above, but nevertheless I'm reminded of it. Go to Comment