"over complication" from a person who names his beasties Baha'raha'ha ra. I jest of course!!! but explain if you would re: over complication. I keep reading posts and everyone preaches maximun detail? Go to Comment
Mourngrymn- I will be a parent myself (hope hope) in a month. In fact if my pregnant wife ever read this, she'd KILL ME! ;)
Your points/take on this is DEAD ON!
I guess in my game, the pc's simply decided to find a way to kill Vephelot in lieu of cure. They started last week, by poring over ancient dusty tomes in libraries, in an attempt to find mention and clues on Vephelot. Go to Comment
Manfred- Yes that's Ilya ;) Named after Ilya Murometz, greatest of the Bogatyrs in Russian Mythology (which gives me an idea for a submission). I would of picked "Ilya" but you guys already have one of those apparently.
re: your feedback I LIKE how you think.
Nobody- Where to begin. First thanks for the detailed feedback. Let me try to address a few of your points
1- it's an awfully limited poison BECAUSE a simple cleric or gaggle of concubines can't do anything about it. Hence, " incurable and unstoppable". They can't "purify" the food or water. It can't be detected either. How do you detect a colorless, odorless poison, that has a VERY mild taste of pus if it's in a bowl of Borscht. If what you mean is clerical magic, this particular poison isn't affected. Thats the whole point. As far as "only 3 uses a year", how many future kings can there possibly be to kill off in a one year period?? 3 seems okay to me. I guess it's an opinion thing. Thats cool.
Basically, I think I'll need to add a creative antidote/cure. I'm working on it. Was hoping someone here can throw out some ideas (like Manfred did-Thanks)
Making it a contact poison is a fine idea i guess...but it's not a poison created by a "deity". It's created by a minor demon. So I am not sure about "divine potency". This might be a case of semantics however on my part, so I'll leave that alone. 99 days is good point. nuff said. "hard but possible" is a great point as well.
2- Somehow I don't see the order as limited. I mean killing off royal bloodlines is a pretty major gig. A LOT of planning goes into pulling off successes for this group. Maybe I should of made it clearer, but harvesting the stuff doesn't take all that long so they are spending the rest of their time doing three things 1- plotting on how get the victim to ingest the poison 2- constantly looking to "place" key (not many but key) individuals in positions of power and 3-living their regular lives. It's not a religious order really. They don't recruit heavily. And if they screw up a "poisoning", there's always next year, or another kingdom. It's not like they are always successful. (sorry I think I'm going off on a tangent). But basically they definitely don't have a "widespread following"!
However if you mean this:
Vephelot cultist #1- "Hey, I heard the prince is going hunting. Maybe we can take him out then"
Vephelot cultist #2- "Let's try it. I can talk to that mad druid who owes me a favor. Let's plan this out well, since we screwed up killing him when he was born"
then ABSOLUTELY YES, I should of expanded on what else they do. No argument there. Great point!
I don't know what Roack means either by overcomplication. Waiting to hear.
"anecdotes" and "reeling the reader in" are both great points! Will do in future.
argghh...more detail. Won't it simply be too long?
"Describe the occult practices of the order in graphic detail, describe how the nobles react, describe how the people see these miscarriages. And don't just describe the overall effect, but describe them in a way that makes the reader feel like they are there. Go down to an individual level and really make the reader want to keep reading."
There is no way around it. Your absolutely right !!! (re: your last paragraph). Detail, detail, detail. But how many pages of this stuff do actually want to read??
Anyway, THANKS for taking the time to critique this. I appreciate that more than a simple "it's good/it's bad" comment. I guess getting that last 1/2 sword form you will take a little more work ;) Go to Comment
I'm trying to bold the headings but for some reason it's not working.
MJS- In a nutshell...The One True Faith is not so much a religion as it is a unifying religious concept, the tenets of which were developed and created by a few elite individuals (in my world), who saw the need to control the people politically and spiritually. There are so many religions, deities, cults, and pagan beliefs in this world, that certain large governments and tyrants realized the imperative need (for the sake of simply ruling the populace efectively if nothing else!) of a centralized system. The One True Faith does not deny any other gods or religions (YET!!-The Inquisition is coming later). It simply preaches that behind every deity, demigod, or religion there is one underlying FORCE...or "THE SOURCE", as the One True Faith has named it. THE SOURCE is not a personification but an IDEAL! All the gods came form THE SOURCE, and the One True Faith attempts to quantify and qualify this concept, hoping that slowly, over an admittedly long period of time spaning many generations, people will let go of their "pagan" beliefs (Its a relatively new religion) and have one monotheistic (or one might say pantheistic) belief system. Again, mainly for the sake of "real world" politics.
Of course this seemingly benign, passive-aggressive plan of conversion, wouldn't necessarily stop a man like Earl Garmon Cabbagestalk from translating the One True Faith pragmatically, using it to further his own agenda.
Yikes!- Not sure I explained this well (?)
I am always reminded of Emperor Constantine, when he gathered the various christian scholars and holy men of the time, gathered all the various writings and scriptures, and "banged out" one defining bible and belief system for Christianity. I understand that is not exactly the same thing as I described above, but nevertheless I'm reminded of it. Go to Comment
wow! dreary...Everything about this town seems to evoke the opposite for me. Its cheery! :D
But yes, there are no plot hooks of any kind, amd no adventure (necessarily). That was done on purpose too actually. Its a place for PCs to unwind. My players challenged me to come up with something like this. No danger (necessarily), no adventure, but flavorful.
I very much appreciate you reading this. First one is always special I guess :) Go to Comment