Interesting crew. Like Spartans meets Samurais meets the early
Gnostics (The Logos) meets the Moonhunter.
The ideas are great, just a little rough around the edges with the overall explanations and presentation. I like the ritual suicide bit a lot, and the last paragraph on spirits and ghosts. Nice! Go to Comment
Thats not nice Cheka...mvcr4 is new and just actually asked for advice on how to improve.
mvcr4, you need to put some more effort into this character. Ok...lots more! The history, the personality, motivations, etc...I do like the flesh chunks missing from his arm. :D
You have something here, but its VERY little. He's a mercenary, he is an elf raised by dwarves. Thats good. Go back and fill out his whole story. If you want to PM me, I'd be glad to help.
take a look at some NPC posts by others, you'll see what I mean. And as per your request on main chat, post something in forum section, as far as what you need help with, and everyone will try to aid you. Go to Comment
Black Vinegar is unique to the famous Dwarven chefs of Degroz-Dag. It is made under the supervision of specialized dwarves who's soul purpose is the vinegar's quality control and keeping the process a secret. Black vinegar is made when the darkest dwarven meads go sour. Large amounts of sugar and other secret ingredients are added and the final product is akin to the long-aged syrupy, viscous balsamics of our world. Made properly, it requires at least ten years of aging in treated oaken barrels, away from any light sources or heat.
Black Vinegar, or Ooxsus as the dwarves call it, is then bottled and exported, as well as used by the dwarves themselves as a flavor addition to their meaty and hearty recipes. It is never used in the cooking process due to its extremely concentrated and piquant flavor, but as a final accent in the form of several gooey drops right before the meal is served. With its sharp, pungent smell and deep, smokey, muti-layered flavor, it is a favorite at all Dwarven marriage feasts.
The humans have taken to making imitation Ooxsus, but this comes out more sour and less thick than the dwarven original. This pleases the enterprising dwarves, since it just allows them to charge even more for their Ooxsus. Go to Comment
Love subs like this! Travel guides for campaign worlds! People, Places and Things. Though I'm now familiar with most of these places from previous subs, its nice to see it all together. Gives the world overall panache! Go to Comment
I find it difficult to give this anything other than a 5 for 2 reasons. One, it shows your passion for your craft and subject once again. Two, there is just TOO MUCH to take from all these details and concepts not to love it! Is it the perfect seamless plot? Maybe not. But as in Black Legion, my personal favorite Opus of yours, there is so much malleable information to steal for my campaign!
Also, unlike Cheka and Roack, I LOVE not having every last detail explained regarding Long Man Death. I can do with him what I please, and have more than enough information to do so. I think it serves wonderfully as the side plot its intended to be. The main plot is explained FULLY. A somewhat vague, minor side scenario, like Long Man Death, gives the overall presentation texture and makes it even better!
"5" vote definition says 1) "Awesome!", which it is 2) "I will find a way to use it!" which I will.
One thing I dont like is the name Ackranon for some reason. Just doesnt seem to fit this dwarven character, no matter how much I want it to. It sounds like a name from a pre-teen video game. But thats personal preference I guess. Go to Comment
one last thing...the Local Legend on Long Man Death, should be identified as a children's sing-song, not unlike 'Ring around the Rosey'. Not sure if the adults would use it much. I think having the children sing this as the PCs walk by is more sinister. IMHO.
2 things make them unique. Well 3. Their strong distaste for magic is sublime! I like that they are heavy wine drinkers, but ale eludes them. Facial hair immediately makes me picture them. Thats a nice touch Nice details! Am I supposed to mention their Basqueness or not?
I have mentioned my love for LOW magic campaigns several times in previous comments, so I tend to think of Bosques as "My Peeps!" Go to Comment
Natural Hazards- Rock slides, tunnel collapses, poisonous gas vents, water-filled passages, radioactive mineral deposits, impenetrable darkness, pressurized wind tunels, bottomless crevices.
"The Bleeding Door". An two-foot thick Obsidian gate, carved from the surrounding rock, leading into the ancient dust-filled dwarven crypts. Drops of blood ooze from it, coagulating on the floor beneath it. (what it does is up to you).
"The Beard Golem". A hideous creature woven from countless dwarven beards, and ensorcelled to defend the inner catacombs, shambling among the empty halls. (holy crap! I might have to write this one up into a submission!)
"Dwarven Vampire". The rare and deadly dwarven vampire is not often expected by adventurers. This creature is the last of the dwarves!
"The Curse of Hawmeggora". A curse layed on a specific area. Once entered, the trespassers begin to slowly but irrevocably turn to stone over the course of the next several weeks.