The journal excerpt was amazing. Very original take on a necromancer, that's for sure, she seeks immortality for everyone. I LOVE how her story begins epically, and then this line---"Her survival was purely the work of a traveling necromancer who happened to be staying in the town which massacred the clan." I really like the dichotomy there of "fated to be this way" fractured by, "happenstance and serendipity". You can tell this was written with some emotion and extra care. The comments are good too. The questions apt, and the answers satisfactory.
I figured that for dwarves, "the lame" already carries a strong negative connotation. Spartan-esque thinking. Born lame, he was probably a useless warrior and smith. He could not "work". What could he turn to, but evil?
Also, I did a piss-poor job describing these knives. Or at least describing the idea in my head. These knives are supposed to be reason that dwarves are in fact no longer fecund. I think I left this a stub because I didn't do a good job transferring this from the brain to the page. Go to Comment
1. Mineral oils? What are those? That sounds interesting. 2. like the tunnel maze and love the plot-hook!
3. love the name Knadric Yaar, but the maze could use some oomph. 4. great visual on the horizon
5. hmmm, its ok
6. A massive, Gothic (gargoyles) dwarven bridge is a pretty cool idea. Plot-hook: Bridge over the river Kwai!! 7. again, great visual
Ok, I LOVE!! the concept of the Seven Wonders of the Dwarven World. Wish I thought of it first! But this could really use a once-over on spelling, punct, line breaks, etc and maybe a few more inspiring bits on each.
Ahh, the priest-hood of the "Concluders", or the "Closers" in sales parlance :-) I like the line about artists seeing the priests and deity as the bane of True Art.
I first read this at 2am last night, then proceeded to have a dream wherein a Mathomite challenged an Othammite to a duel to the death. The Mathomite failed to show up on the chosen day however. The Othammite waited only briefly, unsurprised, then went back to getting other things done. Go to Comment
I also like the imagery. Reads like one of those international uber-clubs in Ibiza. I like the twist that this was done as a 5-room dungeon as well. For the right game, this could provide a barrel of fun. Go to Comment
Solstice celebration and St. Mark's Day are deeply amusing. Ganymede one rocks, as if pulled straight from actual headlines. Human pets, i have to say, I'm not "feeling". Too controversial, even for the "future". How there can be "humans" that live 15-17 years and remain pre-pubescent as pets(!) is beyond me...
I love this sub because its a great format for letting the reader get to know the world with brief but detailed and vivid, bullet-points, without the techno-mech. Not that there is anything wrong with techno-mech :-) Go to Comment