Ok, I realize that you have stated this is unfinished yet my vote is reflecting two things.
1) The fact it is as detailed as it is so far.
2) I have a love for Vampire : The Masquerade as well.
So far what I have read, and alas I have not completed reading it I am slowly taking it in in chunks as there is so much detail, I love it. It truely is what Vampire should have been. I agree with nearly every one of your points about the flaws of the original game and applaud you for taking this venture in hand. Definately worth it and worthy of its author.
I agree with hyland. If you intend to present this as a scholarly interpretation than present it as such. Perhaps as two scholars discussing it and turn it into a conversation, or excerpts from a tome that someone found. Or perhaps an arcane user finds said tome and opens up an immense amount of power with the understanding it brings.
Bottom line it needs more, its tempting as it is but it is lacking.
Its great backstory... the information here is good but to me it seems... half hazzard perhaps? Like PA stated it lacks clarity. Not saying it isn't interesting but it lacks a solid fist in my face saying this is where this is going. Having said that, after speaking to you at length on your rpg experience and what you intend this information for it works but the site here in and of all its members require meat with their potatoes so to speak... It has potential if it is cleaned up some and the thought process is more geared to making someone understand where your coming form.