Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-23 07:43 PM
Ok, I don't get it. Its a cursed tree. Cool. It is created by cutting or ripping the head off of a beast/ creature and sticking it to the tree. Cool. It attacks, but only once, to no real affect other than hopefully killing its prey. I don't understand that part. I am not saying it isn't good but to me it needs more to make sense. The following is points I had thoughts on.

1) Perhaps this is just me. maybe if there was more information, or any information mind you, on the Deathwalkers it could have clarified some of what I feel is missing. The name sounds interesting but it brings forth visions of undead and cursed not of a pissed off treant walking around with animal heads sprouting from its body. I realize that it is not the case but I'm trying to rationalize it some.

2) Why does it kill or have prey? It is a protection of an area? Perhaps these Deathwalkers create these animal head trees to surround holy ground or some such sanctuary.

3) What, if any, does the death of their prey benefit the tree? Seems to me like if it is not used as a protective or defensive barrier then the blood or soul of those it kills is usable. Perhaps the soul of those killed by one of these trees turn into a Deathwalker. just a thought.

By the way, deathwalkers and Dembraava Wilds bring forth wonderful imagery just by their names alone.
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30 Simple Rhyming Riddles
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-21 10:55 PM
Interesting... not spectacular but ok. Go to Comment
The Cane of Abdication
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-02 05:37 PM

This bespeaks a bit of Final Destination where death itself causes random almost innocent events of chance that cause the most horrific ends. Wonderful item. A tad bit interesting and flavorful. To bad it usually ends up in death, I would make it not so detrimental unless kept for a very long time. Perhaps the random accidents get increasingly worse the longer the item is used. All in all though I liked it.

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Replacing A Traitor.
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-29 09:58 PM

Holy crap this is going ot take me a week to read... Kudos on being complete Cheka... and I will be honest I haven't finished reading this yet so I won't vote now.

I will say this though. A few things irk me.

  • The yellow font color hurts my eyes and is very hard to read.

  • The different font sizes and types from chapter to chapter seems rather odd. Some the of the longer entries having really small font size making my eyes hurt once again from squinting from reading it.

  • Some very odd grammer and spelling issues as well. Some sentences not capitalized or having correct punctuation. I can understand as it is such a huge sub you have done and sometimes your mind plays tricks on you when you write so much.

I will vote on this when I can finish it.

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Robes of the Heartmender
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-09 07:09 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Guild of Adventurers Upon Return
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Regional)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-26 08:16 PM
And omg the iPad keyboard and Strolens seem to hate each other. Will edit previous comment later. Go to Comment
Guild of Adventurers Upon Return
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Regional)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-26 08:15 PM

I like this but am not blown away by it. It bespeaks of prettmuch an any guided just with a bit of background. The excerpt from the retired guild member is good though. It brings out that normally adventurers are frowned upon and the guild is seen as a grand thing. However the inner monologue of the guild is the exact opposite. The guild is seen as a bunch of lazy thieving a-holes that their only compunction is to sit back and take money from those who actually work. A typical union of the modern era if you ask me. 

Its good I just dont see it as being epic. 

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Escape From the Tower
Dungeons  (Other)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-27 10:01 PM

I must say I began reathis train trying to find a reason to not vote a perfect score but I honestly can not find one. While I am not overly keen on you wake up in an unknown place with unknown people, this actually works. It's a tad odd but it works. The map did wonders for me as well. All in all I didn't find the plot uberly unique but with all the little extras it just works. Kudos

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Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-19 08:01 PM

This is all nit picky and I apologize in advance.

This is definitely a semi secure prison. However it bespeaks of one in a movie i saw once. With the exception of the mining area it is near identicle. 

The size of the rooms seem off to me as well a ten by ten room is not a normal sized room for two inmates to be considered cramped. Most of the rooms I've delt with (I worked in the prison system not a member) were eight by ten and those were considered very large for two people. Five by eight were common. 

The idea of the inmates in solitary having weights is a very bad idea. Assuming there are facilities for them to use the bathroom what is stopping them from flooding the rooms and then using the weights as weapons? Also having the kitchen on the solitary level also is dangerous if the kitchen is run by the inmates. It should be on the top level away from inmate living quarters. Even though knives are not allowed it is a functioning kitchen and there are a lot of utensils that can be used or fashioned into makeshift weapons. Rolling pin anyone?

All that being said, there are more I will just slow down on the harsh critique, this also has some ideas to pull from. Making the inmates work 750 feet under the water is an interesting idea. The can run but where? Without a breathing apparatus they would drown before getting to the surface. Also making the inmates responsible for pumping air into the prison is interesting. 

I don't find this a bad sub but I just don't find enough draw to it for me to make it say Whoa! It's a prison and underwater. Cool but it's been done. Add some plot hooks or some NPC personalities to make it stand out and it may just do it for me. 

Sorry for the long and potentially harsh critique. 

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Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-19 10:27 PM
Face Off with Nicholas Cage and John Travolta Go to Comment
Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-28 03:16 PM

Another thing I thought of, since the entire complex is run off of 14 hour batteries that are charged daily by inmate power... what happens during a huge storm? Say a four or five day hurricane plows through the area. it will be impossible to throw the inmates on the roof of this floating bobber to withstand 75 mile and hour winds, if your lucky, to be able to recharge the generator that will only last for 14 hours which takes ten hours to fiully charge the air supply and generator. I agree with Siren that this complex is far to small to be cost efficient even in a magical fantasy world where we can get magic to do for us that manual labor couldnt. Just another observation.

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Bucket of Waterbreathing
Items  (Tools)   (Magical)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-20 07:10 AM

Funny. The whole don't know if it works until you drown entertains me some. 

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Grinning Towers
Locations  (Fortification)   (Plains)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-15 07:26 PM

I miss MJS, where are you sir....

Side note, love it.

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The Chosen
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-31 02:28 PM

I agree with the others. This has merit and the basic idea is a nifty one. However I would have liked a tad bit more information other than the short quoted text. Maybe have showed a detailed account of one such transition into a Chosen, perhaps the transformation of Grysh.

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The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 07:16 AM

At first reading the beginning i was thinking this to be similar to one of my subs an underground prison as well. But on reading further I found this to be an entirely near complex adventure/ campaign that can be used as Muro stated. It is very feasible to have this dropped into an ongoing game for a respite from a current plot or to create an entirely different flow altogether. 

I will have to follow the freetext for more information regarding this. It is near a complete sub as could be, although more information about the city would help me put it jus right. Kudos sir. Great work. 

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The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 08:10 PM

Oh. I love this. It speaks of a system and a system can be beneficial to play and run. I loved it. 

Hellgate is a child that may never grow to its full potential. 

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The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 08:36 PM

You make me want to visit Hellgate and add more to it. Always a sign of a good sub.

I shall toss a HoH to this when the site stops hating me.

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The Devoted Children of Midnight
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 09:14 PM

After reading the Shardis Goals I came to this expecting a grand tale describing these children of darkness. This feels to me that it is a good start but it is lacking information about the children I think. It seems to explain what the children want or are looking for but little about them other than they are in hiding and they sacrifice people for a reason. The reason being a perfect tie in to the ever lengthening shadows. I was just hoping for more about the children themselves. Its not bad, again seems like a good beginning.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 09:26 PM

Ok, so here we have this eternal black hell. Interesting. There is no light here and anyone trapped here that has no way of seeing in this blackness is pretty much screwed. Cool. I echo Siren in asking how does one stumble to this Hell or be sent here? Seems like a foolish place to willingly go for sure. A trek to find an item hidden within the realm to stop the ensuing darkness perhaps? Into the Lion's Den for sure.

It is a grand and horrible place brought to life by its unique ecosystem, each one seeming to have a real mind of their own yet to echo Pariah I do not understand the ability to be immune to light if they are blind. No immune persay but not as weak to it as others when "the touch of light is anathema to the natives of this hell, searing flesh and burning away the darkness that comprises their very essence." 

Regardless this is a nifty place and it speaks of dark and ill nightmares should it leak out into the real world. A wonderful forboding place to have a campaign.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-30 08:12 AM
Possibly throw in an NPC or two to explain that. A demon, dark/demi god, a powerful once mortal sorcerer perhaps that was banished here as punishment and how the Hell affects them or how they affect the realm. Perhaps there is a dark, undead, and powerful mortal sorcerer that has built a bastion of relative safety for himself and is strong enough to fight off the onslaught of the darkness with a darklight. He resides and bides his time gathering minions for the fateful day he will break free. Not part of the ensuing darkness but entwined in it. Perhaps he knows how to stave off the shadows in the real world and that is why he was sent here to die eternally, he is just stronger than that. A bad evil guy for sure, but a possible player ally if grudgingly. Go to Comment
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       By: Agar

For those familiar with cantrips, you know they are minor acts of magic that have hardly any noticable effect on the world. For example a cantrip to make your food taste better won't heal you any more, or be any more nourishing, just won't make it so hard to get it down. A light cantrip certainly won't be able to blind or even distract anybody, but you might be able flash it to signal someone looking at the right spot.

What if children's nusery ryhmes were a form of cantrip? Like the "Rain, Rain, go away, come again another day." One child singing it wouldn't do more than spare her house a couple raindrops, but what if the whole village got together and was chanting in unison? Each one doing just a bit might actually be able to divert a whole storm...

Ideas  ( System ) | June 29, 2003 | View | UpVote 3xp