That is a possibility. The ones that the Shalari use for torture could be manipulated to be such.
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On a side note, there is an actual insect that does this. Lay its eggs under human skin but I can't recall the name. Doing research for the Talari I found it. Creepy little buggers.
I like it... it seems a bit to I dunno basic. It has a little flavor but Id like more information regarding what Tomato-16 is like, or was like. But over all its interesting.
Perhaps one of the party members is mistaken for one of the members of Tomato-16 and are kidnaped or forced by the government to come in for questioning.
Ok, I realize that you have stated this is unfinished yet my vote is reflecting two things.
1) The fact it is as detailed as it is so far.
2) I have a love for Vampire : The Masquerade as well.
So far what I have read, and alas I have not completed reading it I am slowly taking it in in chunks as there is so much detail, I love it. It truely is what Vampire should have been. I agree with nearly every one of your points about the flaws of the original game and applaud you for taking this venture in hand. Definately worth it and worthy of its author.
I agree with hyland. If you intend to present this as a scholarly interpretation than present it as such. Perhaps as two scholars discussing it and turn it into a conversation, or excerpts from a tome that someone found. Or perhaps an arcane user finds said tome and opens up an immense amount of power with the understanding it brings.
Bottom line it needs more, its tempting as it is but it is lacking.