Ok let me first begin by saying creating new versions of a race are difficult. having done it myself and nearly pulled my hair out I know its frustrating.
The introduction leads me to believe that this post will be talking about a community instead of a singular type of elf. Which is fine, but I was expecting more on the dwarven, gnomish, and half-ogres.
You speak of short elves with a berzerking quality when in battle yet describe them as, about five feet tall, naturally skinny, with fine features, such as high cheekbones, long limbs, and delicate looking fingers. They are proportioned as a tall man might be, with long legs and arms, and short torsos. Their faces have a sallow appearance, with overly large eyes, and somewhat sunken features. But the Red Elves have super dense bone structures, and are incredibly hardy. They lack endurance, so most of their fighting is done in quick, insane bursts.
This confuses me, they are skinny yet dense sallow looking yet fine featured, five feet tall but proportioned like a tall man with long arms and legs. I get the distinct image of them being more porportioned like an ape with short squat bodies and long arms.
The specialize in heavy two handed weapons yet are only five feet tall. Rather difficult for someone that size. I am 5'9" tall and I have practiced with a two handed claymore and let me tell you, it is made for someone much taller than I am.
Ok. Now for what I would recommend. Explain more about why they have decided to live with a group of dwarves, gnomes, and half-ogres and how the inner bred. Explain the society more. What is their culture like now. Do they have one of their own or is it inter mingled with the other races?
Religion. Do they have any? Or is it again focused more on their patrons?
A good idea is to find any race write up by Captain Penguin. I took some pointers from him and his work is great to read. I wil lgive a 3/5 right now but will be more than happy to change it should it be altered. Don't give up... just give it more work than two paragraphs. Go to Comment
Ok. First, what would make a single player go off on their own after a battle to come into a dark room in an 'evil wizard's' home?
While I like the concept of it, I love throwing curve balls at my group, I don't feel it is plausible the way it is described. I love the concept, just not the way it was delivered. I feel it needs more background into the item and possible setting then a description of how the fight fought himself and then found himself in another room with his party. What does the mirror look like, how was it made, why was it made?
The response anyone in my group would be, without prior knowledge of it from me, would be. "What? Wait did you just say I walked into the room? I am in the room." Which then would cause a five minute debate on what really transpired.
I think you definately eed to pick the right player. I have five players in my group and only two of them could pull that off.
My addition would be this. Instead of beating the evil badguy wizard. During the fight, have a spell go off and the entire party is seperated. Wizard isn't destroyed, he is still there but gearing up to get right of the pests he has placed through his house. Could have been an accident, could have been planned. One of those who you choose before hand ends up walking into a room with a wall or a very large mirror. The person enters and sees themself. I would explain how the difference in the mirror is slight but nearly the same. Colors and textures seem off. Then when they turn to leave, have the reflection in the mirror do something different to catch their eye. The person walks to inspect it, if they touch it then bam... if not, have it reach out and touch them. Battle ensues between the two and one of them runs off through the castle. At this point tell them they feel oddly detached but it could be due to having to fight themself. A chase ensues. Have them meet up with a member of the party or two. have the others leave the room, or call a break and talk to them seperately. They meet have both people think its the real one. Then pull the rest aside and meet with the other one. Make both groups think the one with them is real. If there is confusion tell the person as far as you know this is what happened. When the two groups meet, an interesting fight should happen with the bad one claiming the others with the real character are also fake and its a ploy by the wizard.
I realize I went into far more detail than I wanted to. A plot like this I realy don't see a good way to detail it where it is impartial without making it seem like a module. Go to Comment
Call me different but I like the idea. At first I had assumed it was mobile until I completely read the entire sub. While not genius it is still believable. Often in literature you find cities that were founded and designed specifically for the military and its deployment of supplies and troops.
However, the 150% military standing I see as a problem. Having been in the military if there is nothing but military issue society, no civilians to offer up fun, than it is true bordem sets in, melencholy, among other problems later down the line. The idea of a bootlegger selling alcohol is perfect, there needs to be establishments for relaxation and entertainment. Go to Comment
This has enough of a painful reoccurance to the players that is bespeaks of many fun filled hours of reoccuring nightmares for them. They could meet him one day and have a splendid time, then the next time they meet him it always seems ot be a bad day for them to where they think he draws them bad luck, then the next time, good again. A perfect on again off again kind of relationship with an NPC like this is classic. Go to Comment
Ok, how in the world with a 2.1 vote score did this ever make it to the HOH category?
Unfortunately my sensibilities about this are making me challenge this. And while I realize that the challenge feature is setup to challenge actual submissions, I am more or less challenging the HOH vote as there are dozens of other submisisons by EVERYONE that deserve a HOH and never recieved one. Go to Comment