Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-23 07:29 PM
Interesting, more information about the ecology would be a nice tough... Go to Comment
Surgeon Birds
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-23 07:33 PM
This is a pretty cool idea. It has some function to it that would definitely scare the hell out of a group of players that see a swarm of these mob a single victim and leave a husk dropping limply to the earth before their eyes only to turn and run when the birds see them and begin swarming in their direction. Go to Comment
Surgeon Birds
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-29 07:33 AM
I had completely forgotten about the stirge.. .damn those things. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-23 07:43 PM
Ok, I don't get it. Its a cursed tree. Cool. It is created by cutting or ripping the head off of a beast/ creature and sticking it to the tree. Cool. It attacks, but only once, to no real affect other than hopefully killing its prey. I don't understand that part. I am not saying it isn't good but to me it needs more to make sense. The following is points I had thoughts on.

1) Perhaps this is just me. maybe if there was more information, or any information mind you, on the Deathwalkers it could have clarified some of what I feel is missing. The name sounds interesting but it brings forth visions of undead and cursed not of a pissed off treant walking around with animal heads sprouting from its body. I realize that it is not the case but I'm trying to rationalize it some.

2) Why does it kill or have prey? It is a protection of an area? Perhaps these Deathwalkers create these animal head trees to surround holy ground or some such sanctuary.

3) What, if any, does the death of their prey benefit the tree? Seems to me like if it is not used as a protective or defensive barrier then the blood or soul of those it kills is usable. Perhaps the soul of those killed by one of these trees turn into a Deathwalker. just a thought.

By the way, deathwalkers and Dembraava Wilds bring forth wonderful imagery just by their names alone.
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Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-24 07:08 AM
You can have a fauna style trap, that's fine. Just a reason for it would be nice. I'll read the Deathwalker sub first chance. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-25 12:00 AM

There are rumors of a hidden glade deep in the forest, ringed by dozens of towering oaks, each with dozens of eldest lupine dendrognaths leering from their trunks. And in the center of the glade, stairs downward.This only explains the possibility of why they are in this one area not the rest of the wilds.

I don't think it explains it enough to make sense. If that is the only place these things are found then its perfect but by reading it it seems they are scattered throughout the wilds in a random half hazard order. It still doesn't give a reason why they are made or why they only attack once. Unless I am simply missing it somewhere.

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Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-25 07:15 AM
The Wilds hating humans is port of important information. Knowing that makes this much clearer. Put everything you just said in that last explanation and it will change my vote. Good job its fleshing out to be a wonderfully, horrible place. Go to Comment
30 Simple Rhyming Riddles
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-21 10:55 PM
Interesting... not spectacular but ok. Go to Comment
The Cane of Abdication
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-02 05:37 PM

This bespeaks a bit of Final Destination where death itself causes random almost innocent events of chance that cause the most horrific ends. Wonderful item. A tad bit interesting and flavorful. To bad it usually ends up in death, I would make it not so detrimental unless kept for a very long time. Perhaps the random accidents get increasingly worse the longer the item is used. All in all though I liked it.

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Replacing A Traitor.
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-29 09:58 PM

Holy crap this is going ot take me a week to read... Kudos on being complete Cheka... and I will be honest I haven't finished reading this yet so I won't vote now.

I will say this though. A few things irk me.

  • The yellow font color hurts my eyes and is very hard to read.

  • The different font sizes and types from chapter to chapter seems rather odd. Some the of the longer entries having really small font size making my eyes hurt once again from squinting from reading it.

  • Some very odd grammer and spelling issues as well. Some sentences not capitalized or having correct punctuation. I can understand as it is such a huge sub you have done and sometimes your mind plays tricks on you when you write so much.

I will vote on this when I can finish it.

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Robes of the Heartmender
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-05-09 07:09 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Guild of Adventurers Upon Return
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Regional)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-26 08:15 PM

I like this but am not blown away by it. It bespeaks of prettmuch an any guided just with a bit of background. The excerpt from the retired guild member is good though. It brings out that normally adventurers are frowned upon and the guild is seen as a grand thing. However the inner monologue of the guild is the exact opposite. The guild is seen as a bunch of lazy thieving a-holes that their only compunction is to sit back and take money from those who actually work. A typical union of the modern era if you ask me. 

Its good I just dont see it as being epic. 

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Guild of Adventurers Upon Return
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Regional)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-26 08:16 PM
And omg the iPad keyboard and Strolens seem to hate each other. Will edit previous comment later. Go to Comment
Escape From the Tower
Dungeons  (Other)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-27 10:01 PM

I must say I began reathis train trying to find a reason to not vote a perfect score but I honestly can not find one. While I am not overly keen on you wake up in an unknown place with unknown people, this actually works. It's a tad odd but it works. The map did wonders for me as well. All in all I didn't find the plot uberly unique but with all the little extras it just works. Kudos

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Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-19 08:01 PM

This is all nit picky and I apologize in advance.

This is definitely a semi secure prison. However it bespeaks of one in a movie i saw once. With the exception of the mining area it is near identicle. 

The size of the rooms seem off to me as well a ten by ten room is not a normal sized room for two inmates to be considered cramped. Most of the rooms I've delt with (I worked in the prison system not a member) were eight by ten and those were considered very large for two people. Five by eight were common. 

The idea of the inmates in solitary having weights is a very bad idea. Assuming there are facilities for them to use the bathroom what is stopping them from flooding the rooms and then using the weights as weapons? Also having the kitchen on the solitary level also is dangerous if the kitchen is run by the inmates. It should be on the top level away from inmate living quarters. Even though knives are not allowed it is a functioning kitchen and there are a lot of utensils that can be used or fashioned into makeshift weapons. Rolling pin anyone?

All that being said, there are more I will just slow down on the harsh critique, this also has some ideas to pull from. Making the inmates work 750 feet under the water is an interesting idea. The can run but where? Without a breathing apparatus they would drown before getting to the surface. Also making the inmates responsible for pumping air into the prison is interesting. 

I don't find this a bad sub but I just don't find enough draw to it for me to make it say Whoa! It's a prison and underwater. Cool but it's been done. Add some plot hooks or some NPC personalities to make it stand out and it may just do it for me. 

Sorry for the long and potentially harsh critique. 

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Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-19 10:27 PM
Face Off with Nicholas Cage and John Travolta Go to Comment
Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-28 03:16 PM

Another thing I thought of, since the entire complex is run off of 14 hour batteries that are charged daily by inmate power... what happens during a huge storm? Say a four or five day hurricane plows through the area. it will be impossible to throw the inmates on the roof of this floating bobber to withstand 75 mile and hour winds, if your lucky, to be able to recharge the generator that will only last for 14 hours which takes ten hours to fiully charge the air supply and generator. I agree with Siren that this complex is far to small to be cost efficient even in a magical fantasy world where we can get magic to do for us that manual labor couldnt. Just another observation.

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Bucket of Waterbreathing
Items  (Tools)   (Magical)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-20 07:10 AM

Funny. The whole don't know if it works until you drown entertains me some. 

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Grinning Towers
Locations  (Fortification)   (Plains)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-15 07:26 PM

I miss MJS, where are you sir....

Side note, love it.

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The Chosen
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-31 02:28 PM

I agree with the others. This has merit and the basic idea is a nifty one. However I would have liked a tad bit more information other than the short quoted text. Maybe have showed a detailed account of one such transition into a Chosen, perhaps the transformation of Grysh.

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