Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Guild of Adventurers Upon Return
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Regional)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-26 07:16 PM
And omg the iPad keyboard and Strolens seem to hate each other. Will edit previous comment later. Go to Comment
Escape From the Tower
Dungeons  (Other)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-27 09:01 PM

I must say I began reathis train trying to find a reason to not vote a perfect score but I honestly can not find one. While I am not overly keen on you wake up in an unknown place with unknown people, this actually works. It's a tad odd but it works. The map did wonders for me as well. All in all I didn't find the plot uberly unique but with all the little extras it just works. Kudos

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Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-19 07:01 PM

This is all nit picky and I apologize in advance.

This is definitely a semi secure prison. However it bespeaks of one in a movie i saw once. With the exception of the mining area it is near identicle. 

The size of the rooms seem off to me as well a ten by ten room is not a normal sized room for two inmates to be considered cramped. Most of the rooms I've delt with (I worked in the prison system not a member) were eight by ten and those were considered very large for two people. Five by eight were common. 

The idea of the inmates in solitary having weights is a very bad idea. Assuming there are facilities for them to use the bathroom what is stopping them from flooding the rooms and then using the weights as weapons? Also having the kitchen on the solitary level also is dangerous if the kitchen is run by the inmates. It should be on the top level away from inmate living quarters. Even though knives are not allowed it is a functioning kitchen and there are a lot of utensils that can be used or fashioned into makeshift weapons. Rolling pin anyone?

All that being said, there are more I will just slow down on the harsh critique, this also has some ideas to pull from. Making the inmates work 750 feet under the water is an interesting idea. The can run but where? Without a breathing apparatus they would drown before getting to the surface. Also making the inmates responsible for pumping air into the prison is interesting. 

I don't find this a bad sub but I just don't find enough draw to it for me to make it say Whoa! It's a prison and underwater. Cool but it's been done. Add some plot hooks or some NPC personalities to make it stand out and it may just do it for me. 

Sorry for the long and potentially harsh critique. 

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Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-19 09:27 PM
Face Off with Nicholas Cage and John Travolta Go to Comment
Deepbend Maximum Security Prison
Locations  (Fortification)   (Water)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-28 02:16 PM

Another thing I thought of, since the entire complex is run off of 14 hour batteries that are charged daily by inmate power... what happens during a huge storm? Say a four or five day hurricane plows through the area. it will be impossible to throw the inmates on the roof of this floating bobber to withstand 75 mile and hour winds, if your lucky, to be able to recharge the generator that will only last for 14 hours which takes ten hours to fiully charge the air supply and generator. I agree with Siren that this complex is far to small to be cost efficient even in a magical fantasy world where we can get magic to do for us that manual labor couldnt. Just another observation.

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Bucket of Waterbreathing
Items  (Tools)   (Magical)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-20 06:10 AM

Funny. The whole don't know if it works until you drown entertains me some. 

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Grinning Towers
Locations  (Fortification)   (Plains)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-04-15 06:26 PM

I miss MJS, where are you sir....

Side note, love it.

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The Chosen
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-31 01:28 PM

I agree with the others. This has merit and the basic idea is a nifty one. However I would have liked a tad bit more information other than the short quoted text. Maybe have showed a detailed account of one such transition into a Chosen, perhaps the transformation of Grysh.

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The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 06:16 AM

At first reading the beginning i was thinking this to be similar to one of my subs an underground prison as well. But on reading further I found this to be an entirely near complex adventure/ campaign that can be used as Muro stated. It is very feasible to have this dropped into an ongoing game for a respite from a current plot or to create an entirely different flow altogether. 

I will have to follow the freetext for more information regarding this. It is near a complete sub as could be, although more information about the city would help me put it jus right. Kudos sir. Great work. 

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The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 07:10 PM

Oh. I love this. It speaks of a system and a system can be beneficial to play and run. I loved it. 

Hellgate is a child that may never grow to its full potential. 

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The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 07:36 PM

You make me want to visit Hellgate and add more to it. Always a sign of a good sub.

I shall toss a HoH to this when the site stops hating me.

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The Devoted Children of Midnight
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 08:14 PM

After reading the Shardis Goals I came to this expecting a grand tale describing these children of darkness. This feels to me that it is a good start but it is lacking information about the children I think. It seems to explain what the children want or are looking for but little about them other than they are in hiding and they sacrifice people for a reason. The reason being a perfect tie in to the ever lengthening shadows. I was just hoping for more about the children themselves. Its not bad, again seems like a good beginning.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 08:26 PM

Ok, so here we have this eternal black hell. Interesting. There is no light here and anyone trapped here that has no way of seeing in this blackness is pretty much screwed. Cool. I echo Siren in asking how does one stumble to this Hell or be sent here? Seems like a foolish place to willingly go for sure. A trek to find an item hidden within the realm to stop the ensuing darkness perhaps? Into the Lion's Den for sure.

It is a grand and horrible place brought to life by its unique ecosystem, each one seeming to have a real mind of their own yet to echo Pariah I do not understand the ability to be immune to light if they are blind. No immune persay but not as weak to it as others when "the touch of light is anathema to the natives of this hell, searing flesh and burning away the darkness that comprises their very essence." 

Regardless this is a nifty place and it speaks of dark and ill nightmares should it leak out into the real world. A wonderful forboding place to have a campaign.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-30 07:12 AM
Possibly throw in an NPC or two to explain that. A demon, dark/demi god, a powerful once mortal sorcerer perhaps that was banished here as punishment and how the Hell affects them or how they affect the realm. Perhaps there is a dark, undead, and powerful mortal sorcerer that has built a bastion of relative safety for himself and is strong enough to fight off the onslaught of the darkness with a darklight. He resides and bides his time gathering minions for the fateful day he will break free. Not part of the ensuing darkness but entwined in it. Perhaps he knows how to stave off the shadows in the real world and that is why he was sent here to die eternally, he is just stronger than that. A bad evil guy for sure, but a possible player ally if grudgingly. Go to Comment
30 Genies
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-17 07:28 PM

Some very interesting ideas here. I especially like the gene who requests three wishes of you. Very funny.

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30 Maggots
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-11 11:09 AM

I am on the same page as Mystic in saying this came out far better than I had originally thought by reading the title. Some are really good while others just do not seem to hit with me very well. For instance #4 just seems off. I may just not be fond of it or it may be written in a strange way. 

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Generating Fear: Disappearing Pursuit
Articles  (At Table)   (Gaming - Genre)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2015-01-08 09:30 PM
I had no idea what I was getting into when I read the title. After reading this, more than once, I find this a grand scheme and idea to throw at my players. They are ripe for this very thing to happen and knowing how cautious and questioning they are I know this will worry and drive them mad. Kudos CM! Go to Comment
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - In General)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-07 06:31 AM

I agree with Mystic on this, it gives a good idea that a common language would exsist. In my world I do not have a common language but I do have a Traders Common which is a very limited form of communication existing of approximately 200 to 300 words that can be used mainly for trade and little else. Similar to Chinese Pidgin English except a bit more limited.

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Castle Kaukenn
Dungeons  (Other)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-10 05:40 PM


I echo Strolen in saying I like Haukagaron the most out of it and learn little to almost nothing about him, which is fine because it is about the castle not him. But the castle seems to bland. Nothing about it jumps out at me. Ok, so this noble becomes a lich, you've mentioned it now so tell me how? Sure the marble it is made from is cool, the elemental torches are really niffty (I wil luse that) but nothing screams at me that it is outrageous. Its like there are at least three to four subs linked together and all are incomplete.


Im not saying it isnt a good sub but I would have described how the castle was pulled down into the abyss. I think that is an intergal part of the castle itself. Which sounds like if fleshed out it could make it into a different form of Hell or whatever that sub was.


I would have described how the castle is now affected by the abyss, how has it changed, has it affected the surrounding creatures any? You said, "If there is a god in this realm, Haukagaron has not met him. Perhaps a liche registers no more here than any of the other dead." Perhaps make it to where the denziens see Haukagaron as a deity and they flock to the castle.

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Altar of Grilling
Items  (Tools)   (Villanous)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-04 08:59 AM

Different than I recall the conversation but it is still a unique and scary item to be had. An interesting plot, should the players try to infiltrate a new cult using this and see it work, how then would they react to seeing someone they know on its grill? A mad dash to save them and a large fight ensues in the midst of a few dozen cultist. Fun times.

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