I agree with the others. This has merit and the basic idea is a nifty one. However I would have liked a tad bit more information other than the short quoted text. Maybe have showed a detailed account of one such transition into a Chosen, perhaps the transformation of Grysh.
At first reading the beginning i was thinking this to be similar to one of my subs an underground prison as well. But on reading further I found this to be an entirely near complex adventure/ campaign that can be used as Muro stated. It is very feasible to have this dropped into an ongoing game for a respite from a current plot or to create an entirely different flow altogether.
I will have to follow the freetext for more information regarding this. It is near a complete sub as could be, although more information about the city would help me put it jus right. Kudos sir. Great work.
After reading the Shardis Goals I came to this expecting a grand tale describing these children of darkness. This feels to me that it is a good start but it is lacking information about the children I think. It seems to explain what the children want or are looking for but little about them other than they are in hiding and they sacrifice people for a reason. The reason being a perfect tie in to the ever lengthening shadows. I was just hoping for more about the children themselves. Its not bad, again seems like a good beginning.
Ok, so here we have this eternal black hell. Interesting. There is no light here and anyone trapped here that has no way of seeing in this blackness is pretty much screwed. Cool. I echo Siren in asking how does one stumble to this Hell or be sent here? Seems like a foolish place to willingly go for sure. A trek to find an item hidden within the realm to stop the ensuing darkness perhaps? Into the Lion's Den for sure.
It is a grand and horrible place brought to life by its unique ecosystem, each one seeming to have a real mind of their own yet to echo Pariah I do not understand the ability to be immune to light if they are blind. No immune persay but not as weak to it as others when "the touch of light is anathema to the natives of this hell, searing flesh and burning away the darkness that comprises their very essence."
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Regardless this is a nifty place and it speaks of dark and ill nightmares should it leak out into the real world. A wonderful forboding place to have a campaign.
I am on the same page as Mystic in saying this came out far better than I had originally thought by reading the title. Some are really good while others just do not seem to hit with me very well. For instance #4 just seems off. I may just not be fond of it or it may be written in a strange way.
I agree with Mystic on this, it gives a good idea that a common language would exsist. In my world I do not have a common language but I do have a Traders Common which is a very limited form of communication existing of approximately 200 to 300 words that can be used mainly for trade and little else. Similar to Chinese Pidgin English except a bit more limited.
Different than I recall the conversation but it is still a unique and scary item to be had. An interesting plot, should the players try to infiltrate a new cult using this and see it work, how then would they react to seeing someone they know on its grill? A mad dash to save them and a large fight ensues in the midst of a few dozen cultist. Fun times.
Most of what I had planned on saying was said, although I disagree with Muro should I run this I would inevidably end up throwing the players or some of them into those who got arrested the night before and end up on the shopping block in the morning none the wiser for being from somewhere else. Kudos.
As a fan of magic of all kinds I love it when someone puts something detailed like this up. It is not extravagantly so but enough to wet the perverbial whistle. I agree with axlerose in that it seems more of a flashy thing that actual mechanic wise, but if they could somehow become a mechanic that made them unique without bogging down gameplay that would be wonderful.
And on a side note, I think the idea of Embuing is a grand idea.