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Fire Flies
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-11-04 12:17 AM
Quite a solid sub.

Typo alert: 2nd paragraph, end of 3rd line- "cause" much harm. Go to Comment
Lost Idea
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-08-17 09:56 PM
A very logical neat concept. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Plains)
Moonlake's comment on 2012-06-19 02:57 AM
A well-detailed sub, presented in a scientific way. Go to Comment
Trinket of the Mariner's Son
Items  (Art and Music)   (Non-Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-09 11:39 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
NPCs  (Extras)   (Domestic/ Craft)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-06-01 09:15 PM
Short and sweet as always. The plot hooks are quite nice.
A few typos:
2nd line- "performs" spelled w/o the r;
1st sentence of 3rd paragraph a bit off in phrasing
Origin paragraph 2nd last line- others view "him"
All the apostraphes are gone Go to Comment
Saltscale Lizardfolk
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-31 08:34 PM
minor typo- should be "peaceable"
An okay sub in completeness and logic, adding in some plot hooks might be nice and I personally would help it to achieve better scores. Go to Comment
The Many
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-26 08:01 PM
As a half greenie, I quite like the idea of oceanic polluting changing the behaviour of otherwise harmless fishes into "predators of predators". Overall, a solid sub. Go to Comment
Admiral Edwin Turner
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-24 08:49 PM
Overall, a solid sub with a plausible backstory. I quite like this- global warming giving rise to a group of people being nomads on the sea. Go to Comment
Floating Marches
Systems  (Ecological)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-24 07:48 PM
It's an okay submission in the sense that it describes the phenomenon well but I only give a 3 because it doesn't mention why such a phenomenon occurs i.e. why do elephants want to migrate across the sea every 3 years? Go to Comment
St. Taria's Parish
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-24 09:00 PM
Very detailed and good physical description of the place but slightly lacking in distinguishing characeteristics. Go to Comment
Castle Merciless
Locations  (Fortification)   (Plains)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-30 10:30 PM
A pretty solid sub that has a very coherent backstory. It also ties in nicely with your Herthers sub, by the way.

One typo in the 5th paragraph of History of Castle Merciless: When the night of "the" party came...

Also, I would like to raise a pt on presentation: at first I was discouraged from even reading the sub because it's very cluttered up and appears very long (this is at work with a different browser). I don't know whether that's why you haven't received any feedback on this until now but it might be a possible reason. At home, it doesn't look that long but still quite cluttered. Maybe you should consider having a blank line between each paragraph in addition to break between headings.

Finally, I'm undecided on the vote at the moment: it's between 3.5 and 4.0 for me. So my vote is still forthcoming.
Go to Comment
Castle Merciless
Locations  (Fortification)   (Plains)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-31 05:20 AM
okay, I've decided to go with the higher vote based on the coherence of the sub. and the effort that went into this post.
Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-21 08:09 PM
A solid submission but I personally would like to know more about how this race is different from humans in terms of social customs although this sub seems to imply that they have almost perfectly assimilated into human society and culture. Nevertheless, I like the description in the summary box. In fact, I like all of summaries in your submissions. In fact, I would suggest that you put the paragraph into the main body of the submission where it's more noticeable b/c it greatly enhances the atmosphere of the piece. Maybe put these paragraphs in italics before the Full Description? the HTML syntax for it can be found on the RHS panel of the add submission page (there should a link titled HTML help) if you don't know off the top of your head. Go to Comment
Sea Pillars
Locations  (Ruins)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-24 09:59 PM
The backstory is pretty good though I think the sub might have benefited from more plot hooks maybe. Go to Comment
Crown Octopus
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-20 12:20 AM
Like Drackler, I also particularly like the recipe for cooking these octopi. Overall, this sub is yet another short and sweet one. Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Swamp)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-19 12:37 AM
You can by clicking on Edit submission and then ticking the Quest box on the Add submission page, I think. Go to Comment
The Great Demon of the Ocean
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-12 07:34 PM
Echoing all that was said above Go to Comment
The Silesian Trireme
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-08 08:02 PM
Those yellow boxes are called blockquotes. There's a HTML help link on the RHS panel on the add submission page where you can find the syntax. Basically, the syntax for blockquote is just the word blockquote within a HTML bracket Go to Comment
The Silesian Trireme
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-10 04:37 AM
Sorry that I didn't make it 100% clear. The correct syntax for a blockquote is (left pointy bracket) blockquote (right pointy bracket) ...Insert text...(left pointy bracket) /blockquote (right pointy bracket) Go to Comment
Chapter 3: The Ivanvil
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-12 12:28 AM
To be honest, I can fully empathise with this "self indulgent" writing as you call it. A lot of the stuff I put under Dragon Empire freetext is wholly self-indulgent. When I first created the label, I wasn't even planning on embarking on novel writing except maybe in my old ages and not for gaming purposes either. So in that sense I was doubly self-indulgent. And yes, writing in general for me is at least half about self indulgence- I just love to write and write in the way that I do.

Anyway, I somehow interpreted Val's comment as referring to the ethnographic tone but yeah, I'm all for self indulgent writing for hobby writers. As for bullet points versus blocks of text, I actually prefer the latter. But then I've never been much of a bullet point person. My bullet points usually are just normal sentences but with the first nouns removed. However, I understand for the purpose of 'stealing ideas' as quite a lot of people come to this site for, such a structure might be less preferable than your original GM bullet point lists. Go to Comment
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