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Cloak of Dusk
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-08 12:01 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Creepy Little Dead Girl
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-07 10:03 PM
Reminds me of the little girl in Silent Hills. Description is well done- her history is quite creepy and a little sad.

Two minor typos and things I noticed in the Additional Info section:
1. Shouldn't it be her "bite mark" covered by... rather than "her bite" as the latter means she bit someone?
2. last paragraph- missing word: "the meat she is so happily eating/chewing on etc. is in fact human flesh"

btw, do you like the name Amber that much? I remember you are also the author of Amber, the Queen of Whore though I realise she was also a character from an earlier work.

Also, I've moved the Ice Maiden post to In work to properly expand on it using Manfred's and your ideas. Thanks so much. Go to Comment
Ice Maidens
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-07 04:02 PM
What I had in mind is that these Snow Sprites, being spiritual beings, will use the dead bodies as hosts (much like possession of bodies by typical ghosts). But I thought the word possess has the connotation that these bodies are forcefully taken over so I somehow used the word infuse which I see now gave you the impression that someone helps to put the snow sprites into the dead bodies. Maybe I should change the sentence? But I don't know how to phrase it better? Alternatively, I could update the history and say that a mage, taking pities on the Snow Sprites, helped them with the transformation. Other ppl's thoughts on this? Go to Comment
Ice Maidens
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-07 08:04 PM
Re: Cheka Man's comment:
To be honest, I haven't thought about this part as the Ice Maidens came to me due to my other post Icesilk, for which I was going to write up a long entry on how the Ice Maidens are discovered and how trade opens up on this commodity etc. And then it occurs to me that I need to explain the Ice Maidens so I put up this current post to not clutter up the other post. My initial thoughts are that I will not be fleshing this idea out, hence the link to the Minor Race Codex which I understand to be for such ideas.

Anyway, to answer your question, I think one of the half-formed snippets I have in my mind on the Ice Maidens is that they have basically procured any bodies of elvan females (buried else the families would surely know) that they chance upon and walked off with them. So I would say currently, the familes do not know. Your question, though, gave me another half-formed snippet on the Ice Maidens- that later the families will find out but I don't know their reactions yet.

Re: Manfred:
What you wrote is certainly an interesting idea that goes well with the Ice Maidens. Thanks for suggesting it. However, as I've mentioned before, I don't know whether I will be expanding on this entry. Currently, I've already got quite a few posts in the In Work section (both hidden and public) and sometimes when I try to progress on one, it turns out that I'm not in the mood for it and I will write something else. Eg. I was really trying to expand on my Icesilk post when I started thinking abt the Ice Maidens and out this post pops. So we wil wait and see whether one day my mind tells me to come back to this. Go to Comment
Ice Maidens
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-07 10:02 PM
A good thought, I will incorporate it into my entry if I come back to this one day. A minor point that I would like to clear up, though, is that the families might not recognise their daughters first becasue the Ice Maidens' looks (white hair and blue eyes) are a result of the body being inhibited by the Snow Sprites. The originals have hair and eyes of other colours. But facial features and body build will be identical to the originals so that when the families actually look upon the Ice Maidens, they won't see their daughters exactly but rather a modified version. So the latter part of your statement will apply, I guess.

All right, since you and Manfred have made the effort to help me flesh out this idea, I think I will move it to the In Work section and come back to it so your efforts won't go to waste. Go to Comment
Ice Maidens
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-07 10:06 PM
Updated: Moved to In work section and will be expanded so that Cheka Man and Manfred's efforts don't go to waste. Thanks guys! Go to Comment
Ice Maidens
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-12 04:29 AM
Updated: Again, thanks to a chat session with Cheka Man, had another part of the Ice Maidens figured out. Also have the full history of them worked out now, pending final write up.

New Update: Changed into Scroll format for easier reading and also to facilitate more easy editing and addition later Go to Comment
Ice Maidens
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-03-31 07:47 PM

The history of the Ice Maidens is roughly separated into four ages, as they themselves tell of it: The Age of Discovery, The Age of Enlightenment, The Age of Isolation and The Age of Trade. It is in fact not until the Age of Trade that the Ice Maidens became the name that outside races use in reference to this unique race of beings, the name being translated from the Shou* term Bing Jie. It is not known what they call themselves as a race in the eras before nor can we trace what the elves refer to them by in the Age of Enlightenment. Consequently, the term Ice Maiden will be applied to this special race all throughout.

*Shou is the official language of the Dragon Empire

The Age of Discovery
The changed Snow Sprites settled on the Svetla Glaciers.
This is the period during these new beings are experimenting with and adapting to having a physical body. While theyve observed different races often enough, its an entirely different issue when it comes to actually working with a physical body. Some decided to take a peek at the elves.

The Age of Enlightenment
The Ice Maidens not only look identical to the originals except for the colouring of hair and eyes, they also act in identical ways (in posturing and little actions of habit eg. if the original plays with her hair when nervous, the copy also does so now etc.) After the families found out about their existence, they are invited to live the families, who still see them as their loved ones. In fact, for a while they lived amongst the elves. However, the differences between them and the originals soon became apparent. They are incapable of reproduction, being immortal. Moreover, their mindsets are very alien- they have no concepts of love as well as that of life and death. The husbands who expected the return of a Bonded partner soon become disenchanted with the fact that their wives are now very distant. Over time, the elves become increasingly disturbed by the presence of the Ice Maidens as they cannot share the communal joy at the birth of a new life nor mourn to the passing of a life. The families, in particular, become torn between the desire to keep the Ice Maidens, which are such acute replicas of their loved ones, with them and the pain of interacting with these alien beings on a daily basis.

Most departed from the elves in sorrow but a few, with the support of their adopted families, did learn to love over time and gradually become more akin to the original in mindset. With such changes, these maidens now are able to bear children. They stayed with the elves and interbred with them, creating offsprings that have the same distinguished traits as themselves. These maidens and their children become known as The ones of Snow while the departed ones become known as the Ice Maidens.

The Age of Isolation
The Ice Maidens went back to the Svetla Glaciers. They are a peaceful race living in seclusion from the common races but remained in contact with fellow Snow Sprites and in this way accumulated a large amount of knowledge on various things across the world.

The Age of Trade
This period coincides with the Lu Dynasty as reckoned in the Dragon Empire. This is an age where the Ice Maidens first come into sustained contact with the human race at large. Go to Comment
Woolragon, Druid-turned-Poacher
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-06 11:00 PM
I agree with your comment as to the possible clash of eras. I acknowledge when I first came up with the idea, I didn't realise the original entry mentioned a Jeep.

As I read over the original entry and thought things out, however, I thought the druid-turned-poacher idea might can go with a more modern era as well as the more medieval setting common to most fantasy themes. In my current entry, I certainly just did the fantasy take in my entry as you pointed out. I think I will add a caveat to explain how this applies to a more modern setting.

Thanks for the comment. Go to Comment
Woolragon, Druid-turned-Poacher
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-06 11:10 PM
Updated: Added in caveat to address Kassil's comment Go to Comment
Raziel of the Crimson Storm
NPCs  (Minor)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-06 10:13 PM
A good concise counter-stereotype piece. A minor typo in History, 2nd paragraph, end of 2nd line- it should be "so too can it", not "so to". Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Desert)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-05 05:57 PM
A quality submission, I like these creatures Go to Comment
The Seven-Fold Flame
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-05 05:27 PM
A nice, concise and well-written submission on a refreshing idea Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-05 06:59 PM
Good descriptives, solid plot hooks.
I especially like the italic parts. Go to Comment
Lance-Lieutenant Hailland Vairs
NPCs  (Extras)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-05 03:12 AM
Firstly, I can see the efforts being put into this to make this character come to life (well done on the character description and conversations).
However, I have to say this character as it is seems to me rather standard (Sorry, it might be just me, though. I have to say I'm a girl so maybe I can't like muscle guys that much. The other guys on this site might like Vairs more), without much distinguishing traits aparts from being part demon. I would suggest working more on his personality. Currently, the most noticeable trait for this character is that he's intimidating and a bit ominous and yet you've said that he's managed to gather a group of trusted friends so maybe you could shift a bit of the emphasise away from his intimidating character into how he developed such relationships (some positive aspect for Vairs).

The bit abt him can't stand loud noises and therefore want to work on his alcoholism- do you mean he finds it too noisy in the taverns and want to quit drinking because of that? otherwise you lost me as to what is the linkage b/w the two.

Hope I'm not being too harsh, I meant any criticism I made as constructive criticisms. So hope you find them helpful.

Finally, you forgot to add this submission to the current quest. And also, wondering if you are willing to comment on my Twin Lotus submission? I've expanded on it substantially since I first submitted it but as it's already got 5 comments when I first posted, I think everyone's bypassing it. Thanks if you do that. Go to Comment
Lance-Lieutenant Hailland Vairs
NPCs  (Extras)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-05 05:19 PM
Well, you gain more experience if you click the Quest box- 18 exp instead of 3 w/o the votes. Also, probably more ppl will see it that way since it's the current quest.

Abt the alcoholism and loud noises, I get it now. Thanks for clarifiying that for me.

Thanks for offering to comment on my Twin Lotus. Go to Comment
Lance-Lieutenant Hailland Vairs
NPCs  (Extras)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-08 05:18 PM
Like the new additions, esp. on the pistols. Vote updated. Go to Comment
Kosuranda, Princess of Albatrosses
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-04-16 11:30 PM
Updated: Too slack to rework this fully but has dreamed up an explanation for this character's quirk Go to Comment
Kosuranda, Princess of Albatrosses
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-02 07:04 PM
I must say I'm quite fond of the character myself. Glad that others also like her :D
Thanks for the comments. Go to Comment
Kosuranda, Princess of Albatrosses
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-02-04 05:25 PM
Updated: added link in main text Go to Comment
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