Strolen\s Citadel content. 
NPCs  (Extras)   (Domestic/ Craft)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-06-01 09:15 PM
Short and sweet as always. The plot hooks are quite nice.
A few typos:
2nd line- "performs" spelled w/o the r;
1st sentence of 3rd paragraph a bit off in phrasing
Origin paragraph 2nd last line- others view "him"
All the apostraphes are gone Go to Comment
Saltscale Lizardfolk
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-31 08:34 PM
minor typo- should be "peaceable"
An okay sub in completeness and logic, adding in some plot hooks might be nice and I personally would help it to achieve better scores. Go to Comment
The Many
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-26 08:01 PM
As a half greenie, I quite like the idea of oceanic polluting changing the behaviour of otherwise harmless fishes into "predators of predators". Overall, a solid sub. Go to Comment
Admiral Edwin Turner
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-24 08:49 PM
Overall, a solid sub with a plausible backstory. I quite like this- global warming giving rise to a group of people being nomads on the sea. Go to Comment
Floating Marches
Systems  (Ecological)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-24 07:48 PM
It's an okay submission in the sense that it describes the phenomenon well but I only give a 3 because it doesn't mention why such a phenomenon occurs i.e. why do elephants want to migrate across the sea every 3 years? Go to Comment
St. Taria's Parish
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-24 09:00 PM
Very detailed and good physical description of the place but slightly lacking in distinguishing characeteristics. Go to Comment
Castle Merciless
Locations  (Fortification)   (Plains)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-30 10:30 PM
A pretty solid sub that has a very coherent backstory. It also ties in nicely with your Herthers sub, by the way.

One typo in the 5th paragraph of History of Castle Merciless: When the night of "the" party came...

Also, I would like to raise a pt on presentation: at first I was discouraged from even reading the sub because it's very cluttered up and appears very long (this is at work with a different browser). I don't know whether that's why you haven't received any feedback on this until now but it might be a possible reason. At home, it doesn't look that long but still quite cluttered. Maybe you should consider having a blank line between each paragraph in addition to break between headings.

Finally, I'm undecided on the vote at the moment: it's between 3.5 and 4.0 for me. So my vote is still forthcoming.
Go to Comment
Castle Merciless
Locations  (Fortification)   (Plains)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-31 05:20 AM
okay, I've decided to go with the higher vote based on the coherence of the sub. and the effort that went into this post.
Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-21 08:09 PM
A solid submission but I personally would like to know more about how this race is different from humans in terms of social customs although this sub seems to imply that they have almost perfectly assimilated into human society and culture. Nevertheless, I like the description in the summary box. In fact, I like all of summaries in your submissions. In fact, I would suggest that you put the paragraph into the main body of the submission where it's more noticeable b/c it greatly enhances the atmosphere of the piece. Maybe put these paragraphs in italics before the Full Description? the HTML syntax for it can be found on the RHS panel of the add submission page (there should a link titled HTML help) if you don't know off the top of your head. Go to Comment
Sea Pillars
Locations  (Ruins)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-24 09:59 PM
The backstory is pretty good though I think the sub might have benefited from more plot hooks maybe. Go to Comment
Crown Octopus
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-20 12:20 AM
Like Drackler, I also particularly like the recipe for cooking these octopi. Overall, this sub is yet another short and sweet one. Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Swamp)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-19 12:37 AM
You can by clicking on Edit submission and then ticking the Quest box on the Add submission page, I think. Go to Comment
The Great Demon of the Ocean
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-12 07:34 PM
Echoing all that was said above Go to Comment
The Silesian Trireme
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-08 08:02 PM
Those yellow boxes are called blockquotes. There's a HTML help link on the RHS panel on the add submission page where you can find the syntax. Basically, the syntax for blockquote is just the word blockquote within a HTML bracket Go to Comment
The Silesian Trireme
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-05-10 04:37 AM
Sorry that I didn't make it 100% clear. The correct syntax for a blockquote is (left pointy bracket) blockquote (right pointy bracket) ...Insert text...(left pointy bracket) /blockquote (right pointy bracket) Go to Comment
Chapter 3: The Ivanvil
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-12 12:28 AM
To be honest, I can fully empathise with this "self indulgent" writing as you call it. A lot of the stuff I put under Dragon Empire freetext is wholly self-indulgent. When I first created the label, I wasn't even planning on embarking on novel writing except maybe in my old ages and not for gaming purposes either. So in that sense I was doubly self-indulgent. And yes, writing in general for me is at least half about self indulgence- I just love to write and write in the way that I do.

Anyway, I somehow interpreted Val's comment as referring to the ethnographic tone but yeah, I'm all for self indulgent writing for hobby writers. As for bullet points versus blocks of text, I actually prefer the latter. But then I've never been much of a bullet point person. My bullet points usually are just normal sentences but with the first nouns removed. However, I understand for the purpose of 'stealing ideas' as quite a lot of people come to this site for, such a structure might be less preferable than your original GM bullet point lists. Go to Comment
Chapter 3: The Ivanvil
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-11 08:29 PM
I'm of two minds on this. First, I'm with Val in that I feel that this is written in a way that does not particularly draw readers. However, given that this is done in the context of a dwarven ethnographer, I don't mind it so much. The length I can also live with, not in one sitting but broken up into multiple sessions, I have no problem with it. Second, I really like the allavets and the character of the Ivanvill does come through for me. So all in all, I still think there is something different about this sub that elevates it above the conventional mass. Go to Comment
The Nation of Parna
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Country/ State)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-04-23 10:31 PM
Check your PM for grammar edits on the Codex. Not putting them here b/c want to leave the comments section for more constructive comments. Go to Comment
The Nation of Parna
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Country/ State)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-12-31 01:30 AM
I actually still vaguely remembered this sub and it is still in my fav folder, I obviously had intention to re-read it at some later stage back I first commented on this. Anyway, I find there is substantial improvement from before re: spelling and grammar mistakes. I think the last time I read through, I liked the blockquote a lot but found the rest of the content a bit dry (having said that, it beats me how it could be possibly improved upon given that this is the intro to an ethnographic text). This time, my feelings changed in that taking account of the fact that this is a Codex which is just for holding subs together, I think the highly atmospheric blockquote makes up for the rest of the sub. This is certainly more effort than I usually put into my Codex. I distinctly remembered that I once put up a Codex where I just said this is a placeholder for my series of subs to do with fabrics and then I managed to expand it to somewhat less than one A4 page specifically at the request of Muro.

Anyway, having said so much, my vote is still pending because it's my way to include the quality of the included subs into the score for the actual Codex (else in my opinion, there's really nothing to vote on given that a Codex is mostly just an organisation tool for the author and most people use it as such). Go to Comment
The Nation of Parna
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Country/ State)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-19 06:19 PM
Finally able to vote on this, phew. Go to Comment
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