Strolen\s Citadel content. 
City of Venerability
Locations  (Other)   (City)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 05:32 AM
The core idea of this place being a rumor is okay and there's nothing flawed abt it in terms of content but the structure of this piece is just all over the place and that's where this is a 2.
*Commented on for the Commenting Challenge Go to Comment
A man that needs a drink
Plots  (Duty)   (Side-Quest)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 05:30 AM
The core idea of a plot that largely serves to confuse players is okay but I think the bit abt the drunken staying in the same bar for 3 years and starting a barfight with anyone attempting to steal the note from him a bit of a logical flaw as it implies that somehow he has the note very securely kept around his person OR he's somehow the best fighter in terms of a bar-fight which I find hard to believe.
*Commented on for the Commenting Challenge Go to Comment
Book of Fury
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Heroic)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-19 09:21 PM
Short and sweet. Go to Comment
The Meerschaum Smoking Man
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-11 10:18 PM
A good 'informant' type NPC with his own ulterior motives.
*Commented on for the Commenting Challenge. Go to Comment
Spark
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
Moonlake's comment on 2009-03-16 06:14 PM
I would have liked a bit more touch up on the presentation eg. maybe the first big chunk of text under Background could go into a blockquote or flufftext format (borrowing from Scras' terminology) aka italics.

But this certainly doesn't detract from the quality of the idea. Very usable in gameplay as well as just from a literary point of view. Go to Comment
Weaves of Caging
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-04 05:56 AM
An item useful both as background material and for having more active role in a setting. Personally, I really like all types of mundane or utility items. Go to Comment
The Accursed Heirloom
Plots  (Discovery)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 08:23 PM
A good open-ended plot.
*Commented on for the Commenting Challenge Go to Comment
Saber Rat
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-18 01:38 AM
The fundamental idea is there (and as far as the bg goes, it's okay, but the way it's written makes things seem abrupt) but I can't give it a 3 because the amount of details given doesn't support such a score.
*Commented on for the Commenting Challenge
Go to Comment
The See-through Assassin
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2011-02-21 12:48 AM


A truly devious construct


Go to Comment
The Art of Healing
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-20 07:23 PM
The myth is excellent and also, I just happen to like all utility item subs. Go to Comment
Claw of the heart
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Cursed)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-22 01:58 AM
Aside from editorial issues, the story of Hensaz wasn't badly written although on the actual item, it's really just sth that will get whoever acquires it killed in prob. no time unless it's picked up by a hermit living in a place with nobody else. I will go with a vote of 2 as well since as it is, I think it could be some random story told by an odd old man who goes around villages telling stories or sth (like Belgara in the Belgariad by David Eddings) Go to Comment
Demano Demois
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-22 07:44 PM
A classic 2 to me, no logic flaws but just too sparse in details. Go to Comment
Cloak of Wailing Misery
Items  (Clothes)   (Cursed)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 03:15 AM
Agreed with Val.
*Commented on for the Commenting Challenge Go to Comment
War Paint of Dothkar
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-19 10:42 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Swords of Kanalith
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Moonlake's comment on 2012-05-17 07:33 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Land That Forgets
Locations  (Other)   (Establishment)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-25 01:44 AM
An eerie place that could be dropped into most fantasy settings. Go to Comment
Sadist Dagger
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Villanous)
Moonlake's comment on 2011-02-21 12:35 AM


A short, simple but complete sub with logical, coherent links between the item's origin and its properties.


Go to Comment
Dro'Hizzir
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 06:39 AM
This is less than a 2 because I don't think it makes sense to have an insane character that can be devoted to a care-taking responsibility at the same time unless said role was just about manually cutting down ppl but then that's really stretching the normal definition of care-taking.
*Commented on for the Commenting Challenge Go to Comment
The Paintings of Marcus Diellus
Items  (Art and Music)   (Cursed)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 05:18 AM
Bonus 0.5 points for the added paintings, otherwise a solid 3.
* Commented on for the Commenting Challenge Go to Comment
The Green Rose
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-26 05:56 AM
Same as what other said, more details would be good. As it currently stands, it's more complete than a 2 but has less content required for a 3 so hence a 2.5 this is for me. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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