Strolen\s Citadel content. 
White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-05 10:42 PM
I see an edit had been done to cut down on verbosity but the balance between the fiction and White Death itself is still a bit problematic. Like Val said, this is somehow screaming for separation into 2 subs, 1 being fiction and the other being White Death as an NPC. But the prose is really perfect. Go to Comment
The Maze
Locations  (Other)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-27 09:38 PM
So are you specifically looking for advice about structure or just noting about readability problem up front? I've tagged this in favs but can't make promises as to how soon I can provide feedback. Go to Comment
The Maze
Locations  (Other)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-28 02:02 AM
I see, yep, that sometimes happens, no worries. Go to Comment
Ogre Sports
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Local)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-01-14 06:21 PM
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is inspired by the very educational convo we had yesterday about what meta-fiction is. Rise, meta fiction!

Very gruesome but very believable accounting of a couple ogre sports.

Too bad this isn't about shapeshifters else we could include this straight into issue 1. Go to Comment
7 Spells for Pompous Nobility
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-01-07 10:53 PM
Except for the Thaumometer that I'm not sure about (is it basically a transmutation alert thingy?) I feel that this can be called the 7 spells for pompous nobility and works to that effect. Go to Comment
The Cursed Cup of Immortality
Items  (Potion)   (Cursed)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-31 01:12 AM
To me, this is complete and probably can be used as-is in a game. I was never taken much for the idea of the Holy Grail and spin-offs but I'm giving this a score of 4 purely on the prose in this piece. Go to Comment
Alethia Goodchild
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-31 01:19 AM
This NPC has some promise- giving her a maternal urge is a nice touch to counterbalance her praying mantis/black widow side. But overall, this is a very snapshotish sub. If this is a character sheet, I might give it a higher score. Go to Comment
Zherebetz Zimna
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-02 09:21 PM
This is a very good and wholly unexpected adaption of the magic item template to a lifeform. And the lifeform itself has good merits on its own. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-12 05:34 PM
You are right, I think I like this sub just as-is. Most of the time, I think people expect a plot hook section just cos the nature of this site but I've often skipped that. It might have affected the votes I got for the sub (my overall average is closer to 3 than 4 and Strolen would say that's very good already, down with the skewed voting) but I don't think it changes the fact that the sub itself is decent in quality. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-12 01:31 AM
As-is, I would give it a 3. It's got weirdness and plausible applications in a fantasy world. I guess what's lacking is how would PCs interact with it besides gathering it for money to sell to alchemists, buying some for adventuring purposes etc. Maybe a fancy lore about their origin? Don't know but I sorta like this but then I like any speculative fauna/flora type of sub. Go to Comment
Phantom Wood
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-21 07:55 PM
Not much to add, great imagery of the ethereal trees with solid roots. The other thing that I could think of is that in real life, coal packets are popular around HK and Japan for keeping hands warm and I think that burned Phantom Word can be wrapped in a cloth and sewed up to make the same thing. Go to Comment
The Leg of St. Goag
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-10 04:09 PM
I like this sub for its potential to be either serious or silly (and working in both counts). I also like the fact that you could have the leg truly running around inciting peasant rebellions or that being such tales and rumours made up by the peasant army. Overall, just a very flexible, fun and utility sub. Go to Comment
7 Rings
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-08 05:12 PM
Besides the actual rings themselves, I kinda like how their names rhymed. Like Muro said, the limitations are very nice. I think I like Hurl and Hang the most. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-06 01:18 AM
Muro, I seem to have picked up your liking for bizarre lifeforms that are a mix-match of different things. I was thinking this could go into Dossta's PetDex as an entry as well (except for its length, that is). Go to Comment
Sorcerer's Skin (Pants)
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-06 01:26 AM
+0.5 for the stranger than fiction part Go to Comment
The Heart of Winter
Locations  (Area)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-04 07:19 PM

Pretty much what was said above. I liked this but it's a tad short for its potential (not much can be done about that though given this is a 500 words challenge, maybe you should do a no word count version?) and can be expanded on as suggested above. Nevertheless, it's a nice Weaver piece showcasing the 2 very well-written pieces by MM and Scras.

Go to Comment
The Heart of Winter
Locations  (Area)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-04 05:39 PM
What I'm going to say is not really relevant to this sub but what Skull said about never-ending summer reminded of the Chinese legend about the time when there were ten suns in the sky and how nine had to be shot down. Anyway, my own comment on the actual sub shall shortly follow, after I read all the linked subs. Go to Comment
Lore of Legendary Chinese Spears
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Historical)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-02 08:40 PM
I admit that I pushed this out purely so that I could level up.... Go to Comment
Lore of Legendary Chinese Spears
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Historical)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-08 05:01 PM

Actually, as I was writing this sub up, I already noticed that it's somehow all about the wielders of the various spears rather than the spears themselves. But this really came about because this bunch of subs started off as a pure research and translation exercise. My source for all these subs is really Chinese Wiki and usually the lore always overshadows the actual item so I think that's why I named the whole Codex Chinese lore But I understand how people reading single entries would have different expectations. Since I'm still transitioning to becoming an actual player, my subs do tend to gloss over usability prospects in terms of incorporation into gaming. (And looking over the Codex just now, I did say one of the intentions for the Codex was to compile Chinse themed stuff that people could plug into their games so it appears I am falling short of announced intentions.) Again, a possible solution might be to add an embellishment scroll to this.

Go to Comment
Lore of Legendary Chinese Spears
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Historical)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-12-10 12:08 AM
Okay, I was still stuck in my Chinese mindset I guess, 'losing colour' usually refer to a diminishing in beauty but I think in this context it refers to the fact that they (the married women) lose prestige, power in terms of backup from birth family, that kind of thing. It's a very literal translation but whenever I come across archaic passages, usually that's the best I can do. Go to Comment
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       By: manfred

Temple of some malign being invites you warmly and offers help (curing,needed spell etc) for some minor sacrifice . Sacrifices must be everytime bigger to work - up to living inteligent creatures. Maybe you pay some other price,too...

Ideas  ( Plots ) | January 7, 2002 | View | UpVote 1xp