Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Xue Ren (Snow/Blood Blade Edge)
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-05 05:16 PM
Fixed, Muro. Thanks for letting me know. Go to Comment
Xue Ren (Snow/Blood Blade Edge)
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-06 05:03 PM
Well, I guess I have in mind that he would be famous among the martial arts world but in terms of everyday citizenry, not really. A good logical extrapolation on the foster care system :)

Nope, totally hopeless at drawings I am. I just browsed for a Chinese male and used the first thing that suited my purpose. Also, now that you mention the teaser, I did not make up the excerpt (I sometimes do but not in this instance). Li Bai is an actual poet in ancient China, in the Tang dynasty. Just want to make that clear.

Haiku about the sword? Not in the right mind for doing it right now but if my muse comes back, I will come back and add one. Go to Comment
Xue Ren (Snow/Blood Blade Edge)
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-09 01:35 AM
There you go, Axle, Scras made one up for you and spared me the effort. :) Thanks, Scras. Go to Comment
The First of Cities
Locations  (City)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-09-05 07:21 PM
I like v1.2 better than v.1, I think, mainly cos it actually explains each category. I had a vague idea of what each of the 5 category is about previously from your actual comments but didn't know how exactly you defined the 5 criteria. I also like that now you give the author a choice of whether he/she wants to receive your detailed breakdown. You know, me, you and some others love it but there're others not crazy about such feedback. Go to Comment
The Elder Crow of the Tarlathii
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-22 12:06 AM
I like this kind of subtle possession as you call it and welcome back to the realm of submitters. Let all your other subs on the backburner come forth! Go to Comment
Mark Greaves, Assassin Hobo
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-04 01:43 AM
A fairly good setup on how one becomes an unwilling assassin and I like the bit about how the curse seems to make him run into future clients. Go to Comment
Freya, Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 05:53 PM
For me (if I had to vote on the winner for the 500 word assassin challenge), I would pick either this or Dozus' sub. I liked Dozus' sub because of the background of double worship whereas this is definitely more character centred. Good work. Go to Comment
Artan Keybreaker
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 03:04 AM
Yet another uncommon assassin specimen, liked the use of headers to make the sub have a more structured feel (I'm just a structure person). Go to Comment
Buluc, death priest of Rope Woman
NPCs  (Minor)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 12:31 AM
I like the double worship very much, a good sub for an uncommon assassin archetype. Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-31 11:07 PM

Wow, Axle you have a sharp eye for word count or did you actually use word count? :P

Really like the plot you suggested

Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-31 11:32 PM
I liked Rye okay and his end was unexpected but this sub did not particularly strike a chord with me (b/c I'm non-gamer?) so I have to give a drastically different score than Axle. Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-31 11:35 PM
Ah yes, now Word automatically has word count at the bottom. I read straight off the browser for subs of conventional length at the Ctiadel but I do find reading from Word is slightly better. Go to Comment
Elainuk: Parna's Dark Elf Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-30 06:33 PM
I like the twist on the dark elf assassin stereotype but the transition from illusionary Elainuk to real Bobby was just a tad too abrupt for my taste. Still, the 500 word limit is a real constraint so did not deduct mark for that. Go to Comment
Sinister, Lord of Left Socks
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 12:26 AM
Not sure why but I liked this sub a little less than MMWWW. Still, a solid sub and nothing to fix much. Go to Comment
30 body parts for do-it-yourself Chimera
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-29 06:27 PM
When you edit your sub, I think there should be on the right hand side an option to add collaborator, you either add the person's username or id (not sure whether both works but I think id definitely works, user id can be obtained through author profile, just click on Muro's name from one of his comments). Go to Comment
MMWWW Goddess of Milk
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 12:18 AM
I've said elsewhere that I'm a serious-minded person. Still, I think there's potential here for both humorous and serious gaming and reading. Go to Comment
The Return of the White Deer- Chapter 14
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-26 08:19 PM
Update: This is an incomplete Chap where I've skipped over the wrestling as shown by the .... Not sure whether this conflict with Songkun constitutes as a complete mini story-arc. Go to Comment
The Return of the White Deer- Chapter 14
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-13 12:33 AM
For the father-son pair, yes, those were roughly the type of effects that I'm shooting for, with the father being the more major threat of course. I know what you are saying with the new character introductions (and I'm certainly glad that you tell me about its impacts on the pace) but I don't know how to fix it yet. But I will definitely sleep on what you said.

The thing with Bortai always getting bored is basically an artefact of me trying to truncate small talk out of the conversation so I just made Bortai day-dream/reflect on other things whenever small talk comes up in the scene. But I will see whether I could edit out Nalan Khan's 'small talk' entirely when I do my editing later. Now I'm going ahead with the mantra of "no editing until after the whole book is finished" b/c going back to rewrite the earlier Chapters and keep doing 'edit-as-I-go' as well as writing up new Chaps nearly had me going schizo. So yep, completely reversed tact now.

The wrestling match is what I planned as the big conflict to end this encounter in the Neermu tribe so in that sense I thought winning for Temujin would be a resolution of this conflict. Besides, it is sort of important for Temujin to win b/c the dignity thing with wrestling being one of the three manly skills, in that sense important for Temujin's confidence and moral of the party.

Also, somehow your last paragraph has been truncated. Not sure what you were going to ask there. Go to Comment
The Return of the White Deer- Chapter 13
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-20 04:55 PM

The ambush is not forgotten, just hanging until a more proper place for it to have greater effect, that was the plan anyway. As for Execution, that's a whole different story....

This is also the last of the complete Chapters that I've written. I'm currently writing Chap 15, having skipped over the last scene of Chap 14. Please advise whether I should post up an incomplete Chap 14.

Go to Comment
The Return of the White Deer- Chapter 13
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-24 07:32 PM

Ah, again you have hit the nail on the head. To be honest, I'm finding that I might have gotten Bortai's future wants a bit muddled. I've told you how I write by subconscious and at first as I wrote it Bortai just picture having another happy life with Temujin, that was back in Chap 9 when she first recovered her memories. Then in subsequent chapters as they 'adventure' together on the Steppe, Bortai had a vague sense that she wants to help with his unification of Mongols/Crunalans (I need to go back and read previous Chaps to confirm whether I got this across, I did not have character motivation really pegged down from section to section when I was planning for the book, character motivation in initial planning was one-liners in dot-point form supplanted with a 10 by 10 character grid, it seems that I've overplanned for events and plots and underplanned for characters). Now (as of end of Chap 15, I'm currently at the start of Chap 16 and a little stuck) I have Bortai a little torn over what she wants.

I will post up incomplete Chap 14 (I skipped over the last big action sequence b/c I felt I'm hopeless at action scenes in the first place and second b/c this crazy woman decided to write a big Mongolian wrestling scene totally out of her element so just procrastinating basically) shortly. Thinking that I will leave the skipped part for the end, found link to Mongolian wrestling match online but procrastinating and haven't watched it yet. Anyway, this wrestling sequence doesn't affect the story much, mostly character development for Temujin. I played with removing it entirely but after sketching out the events, plots and side-plots of this book on palm cards, decided to keep it as it is a good conflict scene. Just thought I will mention this.

Go to Comment
Total Comments:

Join Now!!

Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2