Only suggestion is to fix up the typos, I found a few:
Under History, 3rd paragraph- deemed "too" expensive;
Under Grand Order, I was under the impression that the proposition after the word "preside" should be "over" rather than "of";
Cuttlefish Order- "breathing" is spelled w/o the h
Coral Buckle- in the 1st half of the 1st sentence, you mean to say "Considered to be", right? the current phrasing is weird
Ray- should be "likened" rather than "liked"
Beyond Boshic- "fiery" spelled as firey
Other than that, I would say it's very structured and the details are very good. Go to Comment
I quite like the write-up of this family of Gods and the setting when you explained the inspiration for them. But I think some of the background needs to be expanded eg. who tempered with the contract b/w Retir & Dharina and why.
btw, I think the bracer thing that you mentioned are called armguards
A solid idea even though it doesn't fit the current category well. Personally, I don't think it's that rambling but it certainly discourages one from reading it at first because it seems really long without breaks. I think breaking up the sub into separate headings (eg. Symptoms and Cures) would improve its readability quite a bit. Go to Comment
As for the Ivanvill, the society and culture section really grabbed me. The phases, social rankings and the attitude towards deserved fat are just awesome details that really bring this bunch of nomads alive. Go to Comment
Short and sweet as always. The plot hooks are quite nice.
A few typos:
2nd line- "performs" spelled w/o the r;
1st sentence of 3rd paragraph a bit off in phrasing
Origin paragraph 2nd last line- others view "him"
All the apostraphes are gone Go to Comment
It's an okay submission in the sense that it describes the phenomenon well but I only give a 3 because it doesn't mention why such a phenomenon occurs i.e. why do elephants want to migrate across the sea every 3 years? Go to Comment