Okay, this is not my type of thing normally but I finished reading this piece as a result of doing proof-reading for the Strolenati ebook of horror. So I might as well come and seek this out. All I want to say about it is that at one point it really gave me the chills so good work. Go to Comment
Each passage is concise and beautiful in such conciseness. I also love the blockquotes of the plot hooks spanning off each wonder (Axle said I'm a gamer at heart and I think I should acknowledge that now, esp. since I'm now sorta semi-gamer). Go to Comment
Yep, understood what you were trying to do, just mentioning my own particular reader taste wrt the human truism aspects, not necessarily saying there should be more or less of them for this piece. On the diff. b/w spoken and written word, I'm referring to the characters' dialog, how this idea was expressed by Gorn.
I agree Kii's characterisation needs more work, still not quite sure why the Goddess thinks her soul so valuable even after the Goddess explained explicitly. For me, Kii comes out mostly as curious until the exchange at the very end with Gorn where she really hit the nail on the head. Dialogue, well, not an aspect that I really value in a fiction piece. I love beautiful prose and I love deep and meaningful life philosophies but I've as yet to come across dialogue in published novels that I love. Humorous dialogue I appreciate but loving is another matter entirely. Possibly one reason why I'm always inside Bortai's head and want to chop up conversation. Go to Comment
I'm like 1/3 of the way there and the presentation of what makes dwarves different from humans- the fact that their sense of orientation rely on contact w. earth is really starting to pull me in. Will report back once fully finished. Go to Comment
Okay, finally finished. The glimpse into Parna dwarven society in this sub is awesome and while reflection of human truisms is less compared with that Priest story (that's a personal taste thing really), this sub also has a little of that in it as well. The thing about the diff b/w written and spoke word I can empathise with but the wording used has a slight effect of throwing me in modern day. I also noted the same thing about the Goddess' voice as Scras. Overall, though, I still think this is high quality fiction. Really like the ending exchange b/w Gorn and Kii and how Kii now having possession of her own soul rather than any of the Parnan deities. Go to Comment
I like this sub overall- it does delve into sth unique for these plain elves although not a lot. One question I have remaining is that why are they forcing all puberty elves to move in with a different tribe that their birth tribe? To prevent inbreeding or some other reason? Nothing major that detracts from the sub but just curious. Go to Comment
Well, I can see why no one has voted on it as yet b/c everyone's holding their breath for more. But since nothing will be forthcoming anytime soon, then a score of 3 for the solidness and likeability of the underlying idea and 0.5 bonus for good write-up. Go to Comment
I like all those blockquotes that add so much flavour to the sub esp. the Conan Doyle quote and the Mourngrym Necromantic flea and the Guild War. Overall, an entertaining read even though I'm not particularly into beards as a woman. Go to Comment
As it is, it still feels somewhat less comprehensive than it could have been. For example, there is no information on how to tune magnitude of spells or is there no way of doing so? This sub doesn't really say. Can one craft something more complex from using more than 1 rune?
Overall, though, I do like this particular rune system and the way you have written it up, I esp. like the history section. Go to Comment