Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-30 11:41 PM
Although I find this sub more fully fleshes out Trianarianism compared to what I've read pre-Cataclysm, I have the following two questions:
1. I know a large part of this sub is the actual religious text but just wondering that given the set-up at the start, why is it important for the Three to stop ppl from turning away from their worship? As far as I understand it, they need to keep the balance b/w themselves and are interested in maintaining the world Atheus (i.e. make sure it doesn't get destroyed). But as the sub currently stands, it doesn't lead me to have any pre-disposition as to thinking that the Three actually cares abt getting worshipped.
2. The Deific Antangonist section, I was somehow expecting a set of opposing deities for the Three but instead it's just abt the re-discovery of Trianarianism and then it branches off into angels and devils. I also get the impression that the Lunists and the Barbarianism's Polytheism (which you haven't released yet) might be the actual 'antagonists' so maybe just change the heading to prevent such mis-leading impressions?

Meanwhile, my gut feeling tells me that I'm still leaning towards my old vote. I appreciate the effort put into this particular piece and they have all improved the sub from previous versions. For example, in this current version, I like the fact that in practice section has been expanded quite a bit. But sorry to say that I cannot say that the improvements are substantial enough for me to upvote this particular piece. Go to Comment
Three Unusual Types Of Fire
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-09 08:15 PM
The Green Slime is fantastic (contains both elements of originality and utility), the Ash Fire is also somewhat new but Holy Fire seems somewhat lack-lustre compared to the other two. Anyway, I still think this is a high quality sub overall. Go to Comment
My Voting Practices
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-09 12:21 AM
I like the fact that you clearly spell out your own interpretation on each of the possible scores. For me, this sub is 3.5. Go to Comment
An Ode To The Colour Red
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-07 08:29 PM
I like this system of blood magic- being quite powerful but also offset by major dangers. I personally think this might fit better into a modern setting rather than fantasy (not sure whether medieval people know abt the concept of iron and minerals intakes and linkage with health, but then they might have known)

P.S. At first I got gibberish when I wrote down the bolded letters and I thought it was some arcane language you invented yourself but then I realise you have to read it backwards to get the sentence. Go to Comment
The Stitchers Amulet
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-06 12:53 AM
A good solid item for a Spider Cult and good description on the amulet. The history abt the pact with Gyatharmar is likeable as well. Go to Comment
The Worm's Nurse - Part 2
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-06 01:16 AM
Besides a few spelling mistakes, nothing majorly wrong with this piece. Is your 2 subs titled The Worm's Nurse a novel you are planning to write? If so, you might like to join the novel writing group which basically overlaps with the Weaver Guild at the moment. The forum thread is,6293.msg77226/topicseen.html#new. Go to Comment
The Worm's Nurse - Part 1
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-06 01:04 AM
So far so good. This piece has mystery- the hint of humans being turned into cows? and excitement- Botia and her encounter with the worm. Any specific areas you want comment on or still needing general feedback? Go to Comment
The Worm's Nurse - Part 1
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-06 07:01 AM
Well, I'm female and I don't have problem with a setting featuring abuse of women- I mean abuse of women is a part of reality back in history and hence any fantasy setting in general since most are based on medieval times (and I'm an avid fan of fantasy, granted, most don't focus on abuse of women that much, but there are refs here and there and I don't have no probs with them). Anyway, in terms of this piece, I'm fine with it b/c the abusing part was part of the story and not some attempt to degrade women or anything. Go to Comment
Gardener Pfloem Dark Naturalist
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-06 12:41 AM
As a sub, this is a high quality and comprehensive one. However, as a character write-up, it seems to be somewhat lacking. Same as Forganthus, I'm currently seeing him as just another scholarly/wizardly character with an obsession and nothing much to set him apart from others belonging to this category (although, the fact that his life depends on this obsession of his is a far more credible reason for his obsession than him just having an obsession fullstop as often happen with other characters of this genre and I do like this bit of background that you put in) Go to Comment
Player Cult Macguffins
Items  (Other)   (Campaign Defining)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-03 09:46 PM
Read it, think that it is a good sub for expanding the Player Cult. However, for the same reason mentioned on your last Player Cult associated sub, I'm refraining from voting b/c some of the items just don't speak to me personally and the potential score I could give it is stretching over too wide a range depending on how objective I want to look at the piece. Go to Comment
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-03 01:25 AM
A decent creature for use against the undead. Go to Comment
Sigh Inc
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 08:22 AM
An intriguing sub that blends in the 2 unrelated subs seamlessly. Good work on that part as usual. However, I need more time to think abt actual score to give- currently, I can't even pinpoint a score range (usually, I would give an indication that I'm torn b/w a score of x versus y). Maybe just a 'late at night" effect. Go to Comment
Sigh Inc
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 08:39 AM
Well, yes, no actual 'blending' but then I would imagine it is very hard to blend these particular two together. The other possibility I could think of was maybe a story abt a particular flesh peddler's discovery of sth that could spark a change in magic/tech paradigm and how she dealt with it. What I meant by blend in the previous comment was just in more generic terms incorporate the 2 subs into a sub and not having it sound forced (which in the technical sense, is a bit 'inferior' to true blending but I still sound it a sound achievement). In this respect, I think this particular sub is successful. Go to Comment
Sigh Inc
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 07:40 PM
Okay, vote decided. This sub is a notch below your usual standard and would be a 3 in my personal opinion. As previously mentioned, it does a good job of incorporating the 2 previous subs w/o making the link seem forced but does not really add value as your previous subs. However, considering the difficulty involved (and I'm not playing nice this time, it is part of my revised voting practice to take into account the difficulty involved in any Challenge subs eg. Oekaki, sth like this), bonus 0.5 points. So 3.5 it is. Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 01:01 AM
Update: Will post another sub on the First and their descendants (which will describe Fu Xi) soon. Basically, the First refers to the creatures that are believed to be the first creations by a Pantheon of Gods in this particular setting.

The scroll on the actual Nine Off-Springs as detailed in Chinese text/folklore is forthcoming (in the middle of compiling info now) but I'm releasing it now because this sub is ready to be voted on. The scroll itself shouldn't form part of the graded content- I'm expecting to be assessed on the creativity of my ideas and the quality of my write-up and other aspects that the readers view important, not the quality of my research skills! 

Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 01:02 AM

This is another
creative adaptation piece with original inspiration in Chinese folklore. In particular,
there was a phrase in an ancient text that translates to “The Dragon gave birth to nine off-springs, each
of them being different” that is the
basis of this particular sub. Note, however, that unlike this particular sub,
the Dragon in this ancient phrase was just referring to the particular Dragon
that it was talking about which is just a common Chinese dragon rather than
this ancient creature whose appearance is unknown as I’ve made the Dragon into. A common Chinese dragon’s outllook is basically
my description of Au Chao in the main sub. To be honest, I didn’t dig up the actual
references on these Nine Off-springs as detailed in Chinese folklore until
after I finished my own set of Nine. Nevertheless, I thought providing the set
of Nine detailed in actual Chinese folklore would be a nice complement to the
version I’ve made up specifically
for the Dragon Empire setting.

There are actually
three different version of the Nine Off-springs according to different texts,
both in terms of what the Nine actually are and their birth orderings:

Version A:

Qiu Niu- Depicted as a
typical Chinse dragon, Qiu Niu is said to have a passion for music and its head
often serves as ornamentation for the tops of musical instruments

Ya Zi- Depitced as a
creature with the head of a wolf and a dragon’s body, its preference for
killing makes it a common decorative component on sword-grips. Its name also
appears in a Chinese idiom/proverb (the special four-charcter phrases in
Chinese) describing vengeful personalities.

Chao Feng- Chao Feng
itself is considered an incarnation of birds and takes the image of a phoenix.
It is said to like precipices
and therefore figurines of Chao Feng are placed on the four corners of roofs. However, these
figurines are normally of a four-legged beast form.

Pu Lao- Another with
the look of a typical Chinese dragon. Reputedly, it likes to cry. It is
represented on the tops of bells, serving as handles

Ni- A lion-like creature that likes to sit down. Figurines of it are commonly
found upon the bases of Buddhist idols under the Buddhas’ feet.

Bi Xi/Ba Xia- Bi Xi is
a creature similar in form to a Trionychidae (a form of soft-shelled turtle which can be found in Asian diet, viewed
as a delicacy and prized for the its supposedly health strengthening effects)
which is said to be fond of literature. It is put on the sides of grave
monuments. Alternativley, Ba Xia is a big tortoise that likes to carry objects.
Figurines of Ba Xia are commonly the support structures for grave monuments.

A tiger-like creature which likes litigation. Figurines of it are placed over
prison gates to keep guard.

Xi (pronounced with inflections)- Unclear of its entire outlook but it is
certain that it has the serpentine body typical of a Chinese dragon. Fu Xi
looks anything of an artistic nature and is depicted as spiraling in a vertical
sense at the top of stone monuments

Chi Wen- It has the head of a
dragon but has the body of a fish. It likes swallowing and is place on both
ends of the ridgepoles of roofs to swallow all evil influences.


Except for different birth orderings and the 5th, 6th  and 9th Off-springs being entirely
different creatures, version B is really quite similar to version A. 

Xi (as above)

Chi Wen (as above)

Pu Lao (as above)

(as above)

Tao Tie- A horned, clawed beast with a tail
roughly corresponding to the relevant body part of a cow, tiger and goat. Its
face decorate a wide range of tools and storage devices made from an alloy of
bronze, tin and lead whose name translates to Indigo Bronze. It is associated
with gluttony and greed. In modern terms, part of its name is used in a term
that refers to food connoiseirs.

Xia (pronounced with different inflections than the Ba Xia in version A)- With
a typical Chinese dragon’s apperance, Ba Xia is said to like water and his
image is sculpted into the foundation pillar for bridges.

Zi (as above)

Ni (as above)

Tu- A conch or clam, which does not like to be disturbed. It decorates door
knobs or the doorstep (in ancient times, door knobs have a flat surface which
is in the shape of Jiao Tu’s face that is attached to a ring of metal which is
used to knock)


*Each of the
Off-springs in this set have two charcter names in Chinese as well (they are
all called xxx Dragon if I translate them across but I can’t since some
characters are basically meaningless by itself) but I can’t find their
pronounications and I surely am not even going to attempt to make them up
myself since my Mandarin just isn’t good enough and also 3 of the characters I
can’t even pronounce in my mother tongue of Cantonese.

dragon with horns on its head (the leader while the rest are in no particular

dragon with scales on its body

dragon with wings

dragon without horns

dragon who cannot fly

dragon who likes water

dragon who likes fire (whose name translates to Fire Dragon)

dragon who likes to call/shout/emit sounds

dragon who likes to fight

there are also several Chinese links that I used but since I would take a punt
that at least 90% of the Strolenati can’t read Chinese, no point for me to put
up the actual links. Anyway, I think I’ve made it clear enough that this entire
scroll is research-based/the actual version of the myth Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 06:37 AM
Yes, Fu Xi is not one of the Nine and will be featured in forthcoming subs on the Dragon Empire. I clarified this now in the 1st comment.  Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 06:44 PM
Thanks for the typo alert. This is meant to be a background myth for my setting (i.e. what the populace at the Dragon Empire believe abt the Dragon and its Nine Off-springs). As such, some of the Nine have longer sections b/c they stick to the minds of the populace more, some are only 2 lines of text cos the populace have nearly forgot abt them if not for the records of the Nine that can still be found in text. Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-03 06:47 PM
A fair enough comment though I meant this to be a background myth so they are not supposed to be affecting anything in my setting (or not much anyway in the current way things stand in my mind. A lot of this setting is still in the nebulous but things will be revealed in their own times). I was actually about to edit this piece today by adding in an Author Note declaring abt this being bg material.

On the English translation of their names, the names of the Nine in the real version are mostly words that are no longer in popular use anymore- the characters that form their names really means nothing outside their names. A lot of times, ancient Chinese names don't have much meaning in modern terms. Also, truth be told, my native tongue is Cantonese, not Mandarin, I just made up the names by sound (I'm pretty sure there's a corresponding character to what I typed up but I need to track down quite a few of them). So unfortunately, it's not really feasible for me to do. But I appreciate the comment and the suggestion on how to expand this.
Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-03 06:50 PM
Update: Clarified author intention on this piece. Go to Comment
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Man-Eating Grapes!

       By: Murometz

A wild species, vinus homophagus, more akin to sea-grape rather than the terrestrial variety, is not a monster despite its fanciful name. The grapes, a deep purple color when in bloom, and oozing dewdrops of perspiration, like the most prized and delectable of drinking wine grapes, do however deserve their moniker. Wine made from this fruit, is deadly to most humanoids, as is the raw berry, if plucked and eaten from the vine. It is the unnatural chemical concoction found within the fruit’s tart skin, which gives the man-eating grape its name. The chemical stew found inside each berry, functions as a necrotic agent, the same as found in some species of venomous snakes. The grapes literally eat the victim from the inside out, via cell death, dissolving organs and flesh in quick succession.

The tribes of Pra-Oohk Crater, from the jungles of Ghlush are known to sell the fermented “wine” of this grape to merchants of distant lands. Sadly, the taste of the concoction is divine when first quaffed, and even worse, the man-eating grape wine will never detect as poisonous via mundane means, its horrid natures somehow masking all attempts. Luckily the man-eating grapes are extremely rare, and endemic to humid jungles.

Encounter  ( Forest/ Jungle ) | October 8, 2013 | View | UpVote 8xp