Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Queen Nekcrola the 47th (a Tale of Mysantia)
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-10-28 02:21 AM
The content of this sub is solid, the character and her surroundings have been fleshed out properly. But I find this sub a bit hard to read as it seems quite ‘jumbled’ in terms of how content flows from one aspect of this Queen from the next. Besides the HOOK section, there’s no headings and this sub would probably read better with more of them.

One final point is that I’m not sure whether you’ve already tidied up this sub or just expanded a character sheet into words (at one point I thought you had done the later from your first comment but now I’m not sure, anyway, I hope you do not find it offensive for I mean none). I think that might be why no one had ventured to comment but then it could be just inopportune timing that you’ve posted this sub in. Also, the fact that you wrote 3 comments yourself could be why as well. On the Citadel, getting 3 comments is already very good catch.
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Spritestones
Items  (Materials)   (Sentient)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-10-22 05:08 PM
Good questions all. This is one of my work that has been held up for a long long time by Mathom that I finally get tired of and kicked out so there's bound to be some loose ends with it. Anyway, my answers are:
1. To tell the truth, I do not have a genuine answer for it as many of the wordings just come to me while I was finally settling down to finish this piece. Doing a logical extrapolation on this first aspect, one could take it that these sprites somehow have moments of lucidity during this Deep Slumber that provide chances for communication or else that while their active consciousness shuts down in the Deep Slumber, they have some kind of 'secondary consciousness' that is still active in a kind of fuzzy way (the mages might not be aware of this peculiarity of the sprites though) that is able to be communicated to.
2. To enter this hibernation state, the Sprite itself has to reach a certain threshold in terms of its own powess so this excludes the case of them forever hibernating. Go to Comment
Spritestones
Items  (Materials)   (Sentient)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-10-24 05:28 PM
When I wrote up this sub, I was thinking more like MM but what you suggested about the sprite becoming a 'de facto' familiar is certainly an interesting direction to take this in. Go to Comment
Introducing Generators!
Articles  (Other Gaming)   (Citadel Help)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-11-06 01:08 AM
Good utility sub. I just added one- Chinese name generator. Maybe a more complex one to come, I'll see how it goes. Go to Comment
World Creation and the Citadel
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Citadel Help)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-06-10 07:30 PM
Update: Another sub saved from Mathom's grasp, yay! Go to Comment
World Creation and the Citadel
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Citadel Help)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-06-11 07:00 PM
Thanks, Val, for the info about regions admin rights. I've added your name to the region section. Go to Comment
500 Word Submission
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-10-28 07:53 PM


I didn't think I would be the first one to put one up but there it goes. Very positive feedback too for a sub that I consider less than a real sub. Thanks, Kassy, for introducing this great format.

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500 Word Submission
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-06-14 03:16 AM
A neat idea, I agree that sometimes 100 words is way too short. While I normally use it strictly for my 'discarded' ideas, there are once or twice where I'm over by like a few words and then find it a headache to try to cut down to the word limit. For this, bonus 0.5 mark. Go to Comment
7 More Reasons Why Not Everyone is a Magic User
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-11-09 03:32 PM
It would be helpful if you put up a link to 30 Reasons why Not Everyone is a Magic User so that ppl aren't contributing duplicates. I've tagged this in my fav folder and will try to contribute 1 or 2 items to the list but I need to know the original 30 reasons so that I'm not doubling up Go to Comment
The Song That Doesn't End, Part One
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-04-22 10:45 PM


An unusual story and entertaining read.

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Ysra Fulsven Vineblud (Noblewoman of Parna)
NPCs  (Minor)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-11-29 03:50 PM
I see, thanks for the enlightenment regarding the term mores. :) Go to Comment
Ysra Fulsven Vineblud (Noblewoman of Parna)
NPCs  (Minor)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-11-28 06:08 PM
A fully fleshed out character and I like the Personal Failing, Secret and Motivation sections. However, might like to do an once-over to check spelling etc. For example, the end of the first paragraph under Appearance of Impressions:
"Among the Ator women in social situations are expected to guide the conversation even if they don't offer much input....According to the Ator mores Ysra speaks when she should be quiet and is quiet when she should be speaking. If one were to watch with her interact with husband or close family privately, only then would they see her reveal any joy or pleasure in life."
The first sentence reads a little awkward. I'm not aware that "mores" is a word (2nd sentence but then if this is archaic form, then maybe it's okay). The first 'with' in the last sentence is a typo. Go to Comment
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-05 07:10 PM
A very comprehensive sub on a location. The formatting is good and makes it extremely easy to read thru despite the length. I think the Legend, the Persons of Note and Plot Hook sections are done very well but I like the other sections quite a bit less. In particular, I have the following issues with them:
1. Recent History: it's still well-written but I would have appreciated more sign-posting (i.e. tell me to refer to persons of note section for the personages). Currently, the various names mentioned in a short paragraph has a slightly overwhelming effect on me
2. Culture: currently, the majority of the section is concerned with what garb ppl of this city wears. I agree that's one part of culture but I would have appreciated sth more in-depth on cultural aspects. You did go into mindsets of the ppl and beliefs in after-life later but I guess what's bugging me is the inbalance b/w the more 'shallow' aspects of culture (what they wear) and these more in-depth aspects.

Overall, a high quality sub that achieves its purpose of describing the city very well. Go to Comment
Creating Generators from 30s
Articles  (Resource)   (Citadel Help)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-11-06 08:00 PM
Val, quick question: I've recently uploaded a new 30+ Chinese name generator. I'm currently working to expand it into 101 and here comes my problem. So far I can only see an edit button which then requires me to copy and paste in items one by one. Is there a function that allows me to override the existing generator by uploading a new text file to replace the old or is the only option for me to delete the old one and replace it with the expanded version? Go to Comment
Alexandra Stacja
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 05:57 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Excerpt from Lockwhistle’s Adventurer’s Companion for Beginners
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Non-Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-11-28 04:01 AM
I found the format used to present this idea appealing- reminds me of the Forgotten Realm books starring a travel novelist as the main protagonist but written a notch better. Maybe you could revisit this and turn it in a proper sub when you have some more snippets along the same lines and then you can change the title to Excerpts rather Excerpt. Or maybe you could turn this into a Wiki if you can't seem to let it go as a stub (Wiki Duo at it again, what is it with me and you together? It's becoming like every second correspondence b/w us involves a Wiki somehow) Go to Comment
The Pack
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-11-20 10:12 PM
The comment I have is that I would like to know more but you did say this is a building block sub so I will await future subs. Go to Comment
Reposia
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-11-20 04:27 AM


Now that I've read the sub, it does seem the tattoo part is sort of secondary to Reposia as a location. I agree tattooing is somewhat a central part of their culture but now like you, I'm a bit uncertain whether this belongs to the quest or not. So I guess we'll wait for the next person/persons to decide.



Quite solid sub but need to ponder a bit before voting.

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The Azul Deck of Shadows
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-11-20 06:00 PM
A very complete set of cards with a good legend attached. good work. Go to Comment
Subdermal Monitor
Items  (Tools)   (Non-Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-11-20 06:21 PM
I'm also leaning towards what Val said. I'm seeing this as more fitting stub material. Go to Comment
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