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The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-03 06:47 PM
A fair enough comment though I meant this to be a background myth so they are not supposed to be affecting anything in my setting (or not much anyway in the current way things stand in my mind. A lot of this setting is still in the nebulous but things will be revealed in their own times). I was actually about to edit this piece today by adding in an Author Note declaring abt this being bg material.

On the English translation of their names, the names of the Nine in the real version are mostly words that are no longer in popular use anymore- the characters that form their names really means nothing outside their names. A lot of times, ancient Chinese names don't have much meaning in modern terms. Also, truth be told, my native tongue is Cantonese, not Mandarin, I just made up the names by sound (I'm pretty sure there's a corresponding character to what I typed up but I need to track down quite a few of them). So unfortunately, it's not really feasible for me to do. But I appreciate the comment and the suggestion on how to expand this.
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The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-03 06:50 PM
Update: Clarified author intention on this piece. Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-03 07:09 PM
I see, in the real version, the Nine each has characteristics they were known for and they appear in different ornamentation in ancient China in correspondence with these characteristics. In my own version, I haven't gotten so far with them on this particular area. People in general don't pray to the Nine though they have reverence for the Dragon Lords (I slipped that in at the start but not sure whether ppl noticed), which are the descendants of Au Chao and maybe Xie Tse for those who believed she's still around. I do, however, see a few of the Nine being featured in stories but not all. Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-19 01:48 AM
If you want more of these exact same mixtures, then you need to summon the other Moon (Mystic Moon) for me. I have 2 collab subs with him planned (for his Pocket Realms setting mashed up with Scras' Kaiju Challenge-turned-Quest and this "Dragon + 9 'off-springs' idea seed I had then) but then first I disappeared and now he's disappeared.


Also, I'm not totally done with this sub yet cos I still need to update the scroll on the actual 9 in Chinese folklore.  I got my sources already but would u believe it there are 3 different versions of them (all right, 2 are quite similar but still)! 

Actually, I just realised that the companion sub to this that will be upcoming, the First and its Descendants, will be the same exact mixture, although this time I'm doing any mixing of animal parts by myself. The appearance of the First are as detailed in Chinese folklore. Anyway, stay tuned! 

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The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-22 01:49 AM
Update: Added a few more details inspired by Dossta and Val's comments. Finished scroll on the real Nine Off-springs from ancient text and folklore. Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-30 08:42 PM
Update: Quick formatting fix by compulsive editor of own work Go to Comment
The Dragon And Its Nine Offsprings
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-31 05:18 PM
Thanks for the 4, Aramax. Personally, I would be happy with a 3.5 for such background material. And I do owe any expansion (the longer entries among the Nine except for Au Chao) mainly to Dossta and Val's comments as I've already said. Go to Comment
Crawling Giants
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 03:13 AM
The idea of there being crawling giants I find unique and I quite these odd takes. However, I concur that this sub feels somewhat under-developed. Different to the comments above, though, for me, the content is sufficient (although I'm not averse to more info. provided as per previous comments). It's really the fact that first, you gave us a sort of mythical explanation of why the giants are here- they are chasing after some elusive lights in the ground (I presume that in doing so, they found an intra-dimensional rift or sth and crossed over to the current world and got stuck, anyway, that's my personal take on this) and then suddenly in the Wise Giants section, a biological reason on why they have to be crawling are given. And that just seems odd in terms of structuring content i.e. if they are the 2 reasons for why they have to be crawling, why is it that one is revealed at the start and one is mixed in with the Wise Giants section? Unless the biological reason was info revealed by the Wise Giants specifically, then it would make sense but currently in the sub, this is not the case.

So I second Redgre: good idea but edit/expansion needed Go to Comment
Crawling Giants
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-04 11:48 PM
Forganthus, I'm one of the ones voted 3.5. I have read the edit and I keep to my vote b/c my pt on the structuring of this piece still stands. I still do not see how it adds value to the flow or the atmosphere of this piece to have content that I see belong together in one section being separately revealed as in the current write-up. For example, I would say the bit abt the giants chasing underground lights, their inability to deal with gravity and their physiology being different to normal giants in fantasy all belong together in one section (I would title it General Description or Crawling Giants) but currently, you have them scattered in 3 sections. 

On your concern over storytelling, I would think Elbin's suggestion of making this an old script by someone describing this race will hit the nail on the head in this regard.  I actually thought this was more or less what you are doing now as this is written in 1st person tense but then I would add an extra line at the end to let ppl know they are reading an excerpt from some written work like this: ~ An excerpt from xxxx. However, if you don't want to keep to the conventional structure of grouping content as this will be leading you towards, then you can write it this whole sub in the voice of someone who learnt abt info. on these Crawling Giants bit by bit and then it would justify the current structure of content not being grouped together. 


Overall, I really think me and Elbin are saying the same things abt this sub although our votes are slightly different. Happy to revote on it after edit. If I don't see a revised version of this myself, just PM me. You can probably PM Gossamer and Redgre and ask them for a revote now as it seems to me like they are mainly after more info on these Giants and your addition of the Explanations section will have satisfied them in that regard already. 


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Crawling Giants
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-05 03:13 AM
I see, I thought you were requesting input for an edit but I understand that sometimes there are just pieces that you are done with and don't want to do major work on. Go to Comment
Specialized Fungus Cultures
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-05 07:01 AM
I'm a bit of a mushroom lover so I like the topic of this sub. Plus it is also well written. Another good piece of Weaver work from you, well done. Go to Comment
Dreams-of-beauty Minotaur Bard
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-31 07:18 PM
Another good Weaver sub, a likeable minor NPC that will spice up the atmosphere Go to Comment
A Noble Rest
Locations  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 07:41 AM
What a score of 3 says. Go to Comment
The Square Of Heroes
Locations  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 07:44 AM
A good 100 word sub though I would have liked an explanation on what the Carnival de Culture is actually about. Go to Comment
Onyx Guardians
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-30 06:49 PM
Kassy, just had an idea that floated into my head on this sub. I think what you've written so far would make a great start to the Tales of Adventure format. All you need to do now is to add the 3 possibilities on why the sailors are in a panic to get the figurines back. Go to Comment
Onyx Guardians
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-31 07:10 AM
I probably got the sub name wrong, it was a Codex by Wulfhere if I remember correctly. Okay, I just did a search, the Codex is actually called Tales of the Road (Tales of Adventure is the format and I got mixed up). 

Well, usually the three scenarios will make the sub into a sufficient length since each will be an independent scenario on its own. While it is clear from your summary that these figurines came from a looted temple, I can't, for the life of me, guess the motivations for these pirates wanting the figurines back based on what was written down here so far (well, not 100% true, prob a curse or sth, but still no idea at all abt nature of the curse since you can take it so many ways) 

And I just had more thoughts on turning this into a Tale of the Road. I know this is for the world you're building and you've revealed the cause of the curse but was thinking that as it currently stands, it doesn't explicitly says that the pirates were the ones looted the temple (although very likely that it's them) so was thinking in your 3 scenarios, could possibly include whether they were the culprits and if not, how they came into contact with the culprits. 

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Venettos Soup Spider
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 06:35 AM
As a blending of random sub exercise, this is great. The two subs are seamlessly integrated together. Go to Comment
The Helmet Of BEES!
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-27 10:49 PM
An item that's sort of whimsical (as in a normal item but somehow became silly thru chance). Go to Comment
Skittering Steel
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-27 07:44 AM
What the score says. However, I really wish you would de-100 this sub. Seems like their creation story would be an interesting one. Go to Comment
Skittering Steel
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-27 06:49 PM
Ah, good to hear your plans for this sub. Personally, I always use the 100 word format for "abandoned ideas" or sth that came to me on-the-fly and didn't fit into the more serious stream of pieces that I write. But I know what you mean by getting sth out first. Go to Comment
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