A good piece with solid content and good breaking up of content using blockquotes to aid readability but I personally feel that the write up could be improved upon. Still, a high quality piece. Go to Comment
One thing that puzzles me though is why this sub belongs under an Ethereal lifeform inhabiting the Swamps? Other than that, a solid sub that's complete but just doesn't particularly draw me. Go to Comment
A misc. question to the Citadelians: can anyone see a lot of sidelinks and odd characters with this sub? I had inadvertently ddled a lot of junk software and I kept seeing them on my submission page and I came wanting to get rid of them but I couldn’t. So if they’re bothering no one but me, I will ignore them from now on. Go to Comment
Thanks Val. I do have a virus scan installed that apparently does auto scan at 12p.m daily. Maybe I will download Adware and Spydoctor again which were on my old comp and worked quite well. This is a new comp that I bought last year and the company I got it from just installed a single one for me. Go to Comment
For the looks, I left it blank because in my mind if you compare different Mistflower pairs, it's like comparing different pairs of people. One set of comparison would have the two quite similar but another set could be completely different. Go to Comment
Well met, fellow Weaver. You’re surely welcome to try your experimentation on me (although I’m not sure the Weavers had sorted out the authority issue, I’m certainly the second most senior member according to time of initiation and I guess the only other contender for temp leader besides me is Val now that both the leader and the only Journeyman Weaver is MIA). Anyway, Weaver biz aside, your 3.5 score is exactly what I would’ve given myself and I think your criteria-by-criteria fairly on the mark.
As for improving this sub, I have an urge to revise old subs once in a while. But then on the other side, I’ve got strong wanderlust too. The fact that I made this sub a 500 words already bespoke the fact that this is a semi ‘discarded’ idea for me but then if the whim took me, I might come back one day to work on what you term the Craft and Style parts. Meanwhile, I’m trying my hand at writing a novel based on the Crunalan society and is playing with the idea of posting up a sub about the Crunalan society in general. But then I need to be taking stuff out of my Sister of Magul stub (I’m pedantic about how to organise content across different subs) and I’ve got an idea for the current quest so that will also take a while.
So the short of it for anyone really liking this sub and want to see it improved/expanded is: stay tuned but don’t hold your breath for it. Go to Comment
The content of this sub is solid, the character and her surroundings have been fleshed out properly. But I find this sub a bit hard to read as it seems quite ‘jumbled’ in terms of how content flows from one aspect of this Queen from the next. Besides the HOOK section, there’s no headings and this sub would probably read better with more of them.
One final point is that I’m not sure whether you’ve already tidied up this sub or just expanded a character sheet into words (at one point I thought you had done the later from your first comment but now I’m not sure, anyway, I hope you do not find it offensive for I mean none). I think that might be why no one had ventured to comment but then it could be just inopportune timing that you’ve posted this sub in. Also, the fact that you wrote 3 comments yourself could be why as well. On the Citadel, getting 3 comments is already very good catch. Go to Comment
Good questions all. This is one of my work that has been held up for a long long time by Mathom that I finally get tired of and kicked out so there's bound to be some loose ends with it. Anyway, my answers are:
1. To tell the truth, I do not have a genuine answer for it as many of the wordings just come to me while I was finally settling down to finish this piece. Doing a logical extrapolation on this first aspect, one could take it that these sprites somehow have moments of lucidity during this Deep Slumber that provide chances for communication or else that while their active consciousness shuts down in the Deep Slumber, they have some kind of 'secondary consciousness' that is still active in a kind of fuzzy way (the mages might not be aware of this peculiarity of the sprites though) that is able to be communicated to.
2. To enter this hibernation state, the Sprite itself has to reach a certain threshold in terms of its own powess so this excludes the case of them forever hibernating. Go to Comment
A very versatile species for an acquatic setting and a good solid submission. I personally feel that this sub seems to lack somewhat in the exploration of the character of such a lifeform but then I did note that you said that they are supposed to be a diverse race and you were probably writing this up for game use rather than meta-game description. I guess I'm just measuring this sub. against the normal Val standard. Go to Comment
A neat idea, I agree that sometimes 100 words is way too short. While I normally use it strictly for my 'discarded' ideas, there are once or twice where I'm over by like a few words and then find it a headache to try to cut down to the word limit. For this, bonus 0.5 mark. Go to Comment