Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Fall of the Knights
Plots  (Duty)   (Campaign)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-04 02:50 AM
On the positive, all the players are introduced clearly and Wilheln's plan comes across as feasible and well though out as if it was constructed through much deliberation as suited to the context. There are bits of the writing that I don't like, though, such as "This push-and-pull effect would have the desired effect" with the word "effect" appearing twice in one sentence. But despite such personal preferences over expression, I still think it a solid piece. Go to Comment
Maddux
Systems  (Geological/ Geographical)   (Defining)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-11 08:53 PM
A nice concept, good write up. The bit abt reality being a fabric reminds me of one of my own stubs but this is a more fully fleshed out and complete idea than mine. Go to Comment
Sengur of the Warkra
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-11 05:54 AM
Despite the numerous typos that I can spot, I really do think this particular format of writing up a NPC neat as it provides a very comprehensive picture of a character in a very succinct way. One thing though, I almost thought this will be a write-up of the Son of Saulke(?) since the opening blockquote was written in his voice and also the summary says "one of the movers and shakers" so I was picturing a NPC more grand than Sengur who is well-respected among the Warkra but only has the personal loyalty of 20 odd ppl. Go to Comment
The Saulberry
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Plains)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 10:08 PM
A nice mundane berry for a fantasy world, the blockquote was well done and for that, bonus 0.5 points. Go to Comment
The Histories of the Spiked Sea
Locations  (Regional)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-04 11:03 PM
Sorry, Axle, couldn't vote full marks on this even though I was really tempted. My 5 are reserved for those that I deem perfection (i.e. wouldn't change a thing) or sweep me off my feet/keep my eyes glued at first sight. Nevertheless, this is still a high quality sub and adds great depth to the world of Decathros. In fact, now I will be eagerly following Decathros subs. Go to Comment
The Histories of the Spiked Sea
Locations  (Regional)   (Water)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-04 08:51 PM
Axle, I had promised to vote on this in exchange for your comment on my Fengshui (although I don't know whether you took notice or not). Anyway, finally I've finished reading this but I'm currently a bit torn over what score to give it- in particular, I'm choosing b/w 4.5 and a full score.

Onto the actual comments: I don't have any objections to the content and I love the 3 perspectives on history and esp. the opening blockquote. The idea of Warkra being a society incapable of hatred to me could possibly arise due to their living environment being resource-rich relative to their own population (prob. not the case here) or other things such as cultural belief that make them absolutely content with their current ways of life (I know, some ppl would start saying this is contrary to human nature which always chases after what it doesn't have but then in documentaries, sometimes you also see ppl living in less developed places and living a sort of hunt/forage life that are perfectly happy with their ways of living. And that's my personal take on these Warkra).

I do, however, have a slight issue with the formatting. As it currently stands, I find it ultra hard to read in one seating (and I actually read this piece bit by bit), esp. the History by Rachel 3rd. This is a length issue obviously but also, I think it will help improve the readability of the Rachel 3rd section if it was broken up a bit with blockquotes like the People's History of the Warkra Sea section. In addition, while I like the mythical feel of the tale of Saulke and Rachel's encounter with him, somewhat lacking is a more personal voice that will strengthen the atmosphere of this legendary encounter. Go to Comment
The Trapped Sea God
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-07-05 11:34 PM
Agreed with Dossta on the twist at the end. Overall, short and sweet. Go to Comment
Bachsel
NPCs  (Extras-Horde)   (Artistic/Performance)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-12 10:28 PM
Good concept based on modern life. Go to Comment
How Weapons Become Magic Weapons
Systems  (Combat/ Warfare)   (Defining)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-06 12:30 AM
A nice little system that makes magical weapons identifiable from one other. As Dossta already mentioned, would be a good addition to the previous Quest here on Citadel. Go to Comment
The Maritime Bank of Martinesse
Systems  (Mercantile)   (Historical)
Moonlake's comment on 2014-06-10 07:59 PM
What others said. Good sub. Go to Comment
The Commoner's Tools
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-23 11:38 PM
An interesting concept for a scroll. Go to Comment
Citadel's Blaze
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-30 05:57 PM
Well, I can see why no one has voted on it as yet b/c everyone's holding their breath for more. But since nothing will be forthcoming anytime soon, then a score of 3 for the solidness and likeability of the underlying idea and 0.5 bonus for good write-up. Go to Comment
Rune Lore
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-21 01:18 AM
As it is, it still feels somewhat less comprehensive than it could have been. For example, there is no information on how to tune magnitude of spells or is there no way of doing so? This sub doesn't really say. Can one craft something more complex from using more than 1 rune?

Overall, though, I do like this particular rune system and the way you have written it up, I esp. like the history section.
Go to Comment
Yothats
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-07-05 08:49 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Catbooks
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-11 02:14 AM
A quite novel idea and I must say I prefer Echo's idea of petting the cat and getting the knowledge instilled in you much better than the much darker way in the sub but luckily, I don't have a very graphic imagination. Go to Comment
Tumble Melon Tree
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-07-05 08:45 PM
A nice fantasy flora. In terms of the write-up, good visuals and humour. Go to Comment
Soul Gazing
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2012-09-03 07:40 PM

Added more details on how the actual process works and accuracy. As for interpretation, basically everything is left to individual interpretation and the Soul Gazer only knows when the answer for the individual has appeared or not. How this should be used in roleplay, I must say I don't have much idea. This is just sth that came up to me on-the-fly when I browse thru the Archaic Word challenge and I couldn't it develop further into a reasonably quality sub so I just chunked out as a 100-word challenge. I have now moved my ideas on how to incorporate this into roleplay as a user submitted idea

Go to Comment
Soul Gazing
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2012-09-03 10:21 PM

Incorporation into Roleplay:


This can be either some bit of colourful background for enhancing game atmosphere or it can form a component of 1 or 2 plot hooks. For example, the PCs run into a dillemma/dead-end on one of the adventures and what the Soul Gazer shows them can be a clue to lead them out if they can decode it. Or the whole thing with Soul Gazing might be just a swindle but somehow one of these Soul Gazers have gained prominence at a particular location and the PCs are hired by someone to expose him. These are the basic examples that come to mind of a non-gamer like me. Of course, one can always blend these basic ideas into a more complicated form. For example, there might be true and swindler Soul Gazers in the world. The PCs have this problem on their hands that have to be completed within X number of days. They get stuck and go to a Soul Gazer. Is this a true Soul Gazer that will give them the true answer that they just have to decode or is this a fake one that will just waste their time?

Go to Comment
Soul Gazing
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-01 08:53 PM
Well, I'm certainly glad to hear you saying you like this idea a lot even though this is one I couldn't/didn't want to develop into a length I usually like. And I don't mind critical comments at all as long as they are constructive. Anyway, on the aspect you wanted to know, I was thinking of something really subtle rather than what you've mentioned. Basically, I was thinking that those who had been through a Soul Gazing session get their answers in a sort of "meditation/ half inspiration strike" state in which they sort of get a sense of their answers but in general they are just a bit dazzled by the experience (they feel like they are trying to grasp some idea but couldn't really and the memory is getting further away or they've just found out a key truth about themselves/learnt a new and very complex concept and needing time to digest). Go to Comment
The 9 Divine Ones and 3 Exalted Ones
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Defining)
Moonlake's comment on 2012-08-22 06:24 PM
Hi, Chaoticwaffle:
I know this is not your first sub but since you are still relatively new to the site, I don't know whether you are aware that when you input a submission, there is an option to choose the 'visibility' of a submission (this is the top drop-down menu located at the bottommost textbox on the RHS of the submission inputting page). To me, this sub seems more like a work-in-progress that would be more suited to being put into the In Work-Hidden/Private category rather than as a Normal submission (which is the default selection)

Also, to me, this sub seems more suited to the Systems-Divine and Spirits category rather than as an Article of the same sub-category but then this is a relatively minor thing and you can change the submission type easily via the drop-down menu.

Moonlake Go to Comment
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