A very versatile species for an acquatic setting and a good solid submission. I personally feel that this sub seems to lack somewhat in the exploration of the character of such a lifeform but then I did note that you said that they are supposed to be a diverse race and you were probably writing this up for game use rather than meta-game description. I guess I'm just measuring this sub. against the normal Val standard. Go to Comment
A neat idea, I agree that sometimes 100 words is way too short. While I normally use it strictly for my 'discarded' ideas, there are once or twice where I'm over by like a few words and then find it a headache to try to cut down to the word limit. For this, bonus 0.5 mark. Go to Comment
Excellent 30, covering a wide range of different terrain are unique in the sense that they could only have evolved in a fantasy setting. I simply love fantasy so how could I not love this sub? Go to Comment
Actually, I am aware of the nature of the Decathros challenge but it is true that I did not start reading this sub with the Decathros association in mind. My comment was basically written from my impression that the length of this sub was what Val had intended it to be and the fact that I'm fine with it in this particular instance. But yes, I can understand why others would expect more of this sub starting their reading experience from the Decathros angle. And in general I do think that more content in a sub would be of benefit to it rather than being detriment. In this particular case, I was just judging more on the basis of author positioning, I guess. Go to Comment
It would be helpful if you put up a link to 30 Reasons why Not Everyone is a Magic User so that ppl aren't contributing duplicates. I've tagged this in my fav folder and will try to contribute 1 or 2 items to the list but I need to know the original 30 reasons so that I'm not doubling up Go to Comment
A fully fleshed out character and I like the Personal Failing, Secret and Motivation sections. However, might like to do an once-over to check spelling etc. For example, the end of the first paragraph under Appearance of Impressions:
"Among the Ator women in social situations are expected to guide the conversation even if they don't offer much input....According to the Ator mores Ysra speaks when she should be quiet and is quiet when she should be speaking. If one were to watch with her interact with husband or close family privately, only then would they see her reveal any joy or pleasure in life."
The first sentence reads a little awkward. I'm not aware that "mores" is a word (2nd sentence but then if this is archaic form, then maybe it's okay). The first 'with' in the last sentence is a typo. Go to Comment
Like the companion sub on his wife, I like the contrast between him being a good diplomatic and leader and his weakness in calvary and esp. his struggle with his cultural heritage. I like Ysra slightly more because she seems more interesting whereas Halldor still seems essentially a knight at heart but then I know not much could be done about that given that he's lawful good in alignment.
Typo alert- I thought the last line of the Appearance paragraph contained the typo "since" which should be "sense" or something similar. Go to Comment
This sub could use a once-over since there are typos that impede understanding (only slightly but still) at places. Sounds like a good set of adventures that could incorporate both a combat solution and a more puzzle type solution. And I just happen to let the theme of this sub quite a bit. Go to Comment
I really like the ending. It took the story off in a totally different direction that I had expected. It was also at part 4 that the poignant themes of this story really started to sink in. Overall, good work. Go to Comment