Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-08 01:30 AM
Update: Expanded inhabitants section with additions of some stat. info. (I know some would say this doesn't really add value to the World but I wrote them anyway even if it's only good for my own ref.). Added Location section which gives me info. on some of the uniqueness aspect of Kalimon itself or its races. Go to Comment
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-08 05:30 AM
Actually, I added two new sentences to the Choca paragraph abt how they live to address your comments. Anyway, thanks for the vote. Go to Comment
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-08 05:32 PM
I meant the dwarves adapt better to hotter climates. In contrast, the elves are more balanced in adapting to both extremely hot and cold weathers. I fixed up the wording to make this more clear. 

So far (up to the point of the War of Redemption), the Alliance races on Kalimon are not competing over terrain type yet b/c there are still unexplored parts on the World although the exploration expeditions have been sent out on a less frequent basis now (the races are at the stage of reinforcing the civilisation they've built rather than expanding territories)
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Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-08 05:48 PM
Actually, I was so glad I could use your Frost Owls. I mean, as a Weaver Guild sub, I thought the locations section gave me a perfect opportunity to link to other ppl's subs and it was a bit of a shame really that I wanted another arctic monster that's large in size and so all the other existing arctic life forms on the Citadel didn't fit my requirements. Go to Comment
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-09 06:57 PM
I see what you mean, these are as yet unformed parts of this particular setting. Will add those details when they come to me. Anyway, have an upvote (when I get my votes back) Go to Comment
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-11 06:24 AM
go to code view when you input your submission (click 1st button from the left on top row, the one that looks like pointy brackets- the ones above comma and fullstop on keyboards) and then enclose whatever text what you wanted to make into a big heading into the following 2 HTML tags: 1. <h1> 2. </h1> . Number 1 is the opening syntax and Number 2 is the closing syntax. 
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Flowers Of Innocence And The Killer Of Undertown
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 09:53 PM
It's great as a short story and a sub for the Oekaki challenge. I got slightly confused when the write-up switches from third-person perspective to first-person bu then I realise the whole thing is written from the killer's point of perspective. A great job! btw, you might want to link back to the original sub on Flowers of Innocence. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 02:57 AM
What the score says. I think the underlying idea likeable and original but then there is one unanswered question that is nagging at me: You say that based on this flower's need for blood, it somehow "surely develop the capacity for innocence". I just find the logic of that too much of a jump. I mean, making ppl de-age (innocent) will make them less cautious and so more easily killed but surely that's not the only way to get blood.

Also, in general, I feel that this piece has somehow been rushed a little and could do with a proof-read. I normally don't deduct points for minor typos etc. but for this sub I sort of did because I felt some of the sentences relied on the readers to make the logical connections as well as having the typos. For example, when you discuss the downside of the flowers, instead of leaving things hanging, you could add in a sentence somewhere to say when ppl are not under the thrall of flower and are uneasy, they might move on and foil the flower's "scheme". Currently, it just trails off into a description of how ppl are trying to find a reason for the unease and I get a bit of a question mark on what this paragraph is trying to tell me. 

I don't mean to be somehow negative abt this sub as I think it a solid one but I just think that it would benefit from some editing.



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Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 06:54 PM
Ah I see, I saw the freetext but I wasn't in the Citadel when Scras threw up his sub on Oekaki so I had no idea abt it being a challenge at all. But now that you've explained it, I think you have done very well given the context. Therefore, I will now be revising my vote accordingly. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 07:01 PM
A revote based on understanding of Oekaki, which was previously not accounted for. While I remain of the same opinion of the logic of the flower, I'm opting for a high score because I really appreciate the nature of the Oekaki challenge (and so I'm downgrading the point penalties on the logic part of the sub). Go to Comment
30 Devils
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-04 06:43 AM
I don't think so because the hyperlink to the sub is attached to the original title you create the sub in. Well, of course, if you are somehow really desperate to change the name, you can PM Strolen but in this case, I wouldn't worry abt it as there are plenty of subs here that are titled 30 something and never reaches it. Besides, if you are here on Strolens for the long term (as you seem to be), then you can always make it reach 30 by bumping this sub even when you run out of ideas on this one. But if you're thinking of doing more than 30 here, I personally advise against it. Given the amount of details you go into each devil, I just think ppl might go insane if they see more than 30 entries on this sub. You can always submit another sub titled 30 More Devils or sth if you can more inspiration. Go to Comment
30 Devils
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-04 02:18 AM
Though quite early for the 30 tag yet, what's here are fairly fleshed out and of high quality. I especially like no 2 and 3.

A few typos with the first devil, though: typical (in 1st line) spelled wrong, 'his' typed twice (2nd paragraph, 1st line), omission of the word "to" (last paragraph, line 4) Go to Comment
Elementallion
Plots  (Crisis)   (Campaign)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 06:05 PM
The elements of magic are meta components of magic (your analogy of magical vitamins and minerals).
When a creature is 'elementalised', I picture it as some kind of mutation/monsterisation going on mostly so yeah, your house cat becoming Pokemon example would fit right in. Go to Comment
Finding The Kings Arms
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 03:03 AM
Ah, I see, that point didn't detract from the quality of the sub but just got me puzzled a little. Thanks for the upvote. Go to Comment
Finding The Kings Arms
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-04 02:35 AM
The twists and further twists are quite nice but the following wording relating to the pacifist shaman is unclear to me: "the king refused to ....access to the ceremony". What ceremony? the King's birthday party? Go to Comment
The Oracle Of Ein
Locations  (Other)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-02 03:54 AM
Update: Just trying to kill two birds with one stone here-it's a very short sub for the Religion and Cults quest but then it belongs under the Short and Sweet challenge with 75 word count. Also, a companion stub to this sub on the Elementallion is coming up. Go to Comment
The Oracle Of Ein
Locations  (Other)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-02 07:04 PM
Yes, the hourglass is sideways. I'm not sure whether this comes thru clearly in the sub (I was operating with a 75 word limit) but it is really one of these optical illusion images (you know, young girl versus a hag) where you can interpret it as a butterfly, a bat or a sideways hourglass. Go to Comment
The Oracle Of Ein
Locations  (Other)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-02 07:05 PM
This was really meant for Muro's Short and Sweet which has an even shorter word count but I see what you mean so I've added the freetext now. Go to Comment
Volguloi
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-01 09:05 PM
A very engaging piece based on a novel concept and good writing. Go to Comment
Halan Of Gimirrai
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-12 03:30 AM
A decent piece of work. One little nitpick-I wish you had flagged abt the existence of a Magic section when u first mentioned Soul Reaving but I didn't deduct any marks b/c of this. Go to Comment
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