Thanks Axle, I didn't mean that I will avoid the all-seeing perspective, merely stating that I think that I have do more work on this area to make it have the effect it should have. I don't see you as "picky" at all, I actually want my readers to be "picky". That's why I posted here as opposed to one of these places like Wattpad or Booksie (haven't interacted with the community there yet but seems like platforms where massive amt of fiction is posted and everyone can subscribe and read so I'm thinking the readers won't be as picky. I read Internet fic in my native tongue and I know they are quite low quality on average but I didn't mind so much cos just entertainment value).
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What you said about the spotlight is very apt description of the current trouble I have with this perspective- part of it is my stream-of-consciousness writing habit and I find it's hard to get this spotlight thingy right for a newbie like me without putting conscious thought into this aspect. Also, when I do my edits later, I'm very good at picking out spelling and grammar mistakes and small non-clarities but not any big thing like your feedback is providing me. I really need time to chill down so that I can switch mindset to perform a quality review of my own work. So yes, this moving b/w character perspectives will definitely go into my checklist for priority aspect to fix for the second draft.
Thanks for this feedback, again very valuable to me. What I was attempting to do in scene 2 was to revive the sense of threat to the party after the lovers coming together in scene 1. (Then scene 1 of next Chap builds on this scene (or is meant to) and takes the conflict higher.) But ugh.... I will see how I could fix this scene on my 2nd draft for this book.
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Yes, I'm trying to drop bits about their culture here and there, as much as possible (that's why I personally love fantasy at any rate). I've never read Moby Dick before or even heard about the Cup of Gold (but I can tell you I can never finish Treasure Island, not even the kids' version but then I was reading a Chinese translation so that's a contributing factor as well). I'm currently re-reading Lord of Rings to learn from this absolute fav or mine but yes, Moby Dick will now be on my reading list. Cup of Gold? I have to read the abstract to see if it interests me enough to pick it up. There're classics that I simply cannot abide.