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Crawling Giants
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-05 02:13 AM
I see, I thought you were requesting input for an edit but I understand that sometimes there are just pieces that you are done with and don't want to do major work on. Go to Comment
Crawling Giants
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-02 02:13 AM
The idea of there being crawling giants I find unique and I quite these odd takes. However, I concur that this sub feels somewhat under-developed. Different to the comments above, though, for me, the content is sufficient (although I'm not averse to more info. provided as per previous comments). It's really the fact that first, you gave us a sort of mythical explanation of why the giants are here- they are chasing after some elusive lights in the ground (I presume that in doing so, they found an intra-dimensional rift or sth and crossed over to the current world and got stuck, anyway, that's my personal take on this) and then suddenly in the Wise Giants section, a biological reason on why they have to be crawling are given. And that just seems odd in terms of structuring content i.e. if they are the 2 reasons for why they have to be crawling, why is it that one is revealed at the start and one is mixed in with the Wise Giants section? Unless the biological reason was info revealed by the Wise Giants specifically, then it would make sense but currently in the sub, this is not the case.

So I second Redgre: good idea but edit/expansion needed Go to Comment
Crawling Giants
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-04 10:48 PM
Forganthus, I'm one of the ones voted 3.5. I have read the edit and I keep to my vote b/c my pt on the structuring of this piece still stands. I still do not see how it adds value to the flow or the atmosphere of this piece to have content that I see belong together in one section being separately revealed as in the current write-up. For example, I would say the bit abt the giants chasing underground lights, their inability to deal with gravity and their physiology being different to normal giants in fantasy all belong together in one section (I would title it General Description or Crawling Giants) but currently, you have them scattered in 3 sections. 

On your concern over storytelling, I would think Elbin's suggestion of making this an old script by someone describing this race will hit the nail on the head in this regard.  I actually thought this was more or less what you are doing now as this is written in 1st person tense but then I would add an extra line at the end to let ppl know they are reading an excerpt from some written work like this: ~ An excerpt from xxxx. However, if you don't want to keep to the conventional structure of grouping content as this will be leading you towards, then you can write it this whole sub in the voice of someone who learnt abt info. on these Crawling Giants bit by bit and then it would justify the current structure of content not being grouped together. 


Overall, I really think me and Elbin are saying the same things abt this sub although our votes are slightly different. Happy to revote on it after edit. If I don't see a revised version of this myself, just PM me. You can probably PM Gossamer and Redgre and ask them for a revote now as it seems to me like they are mainly after more info on these Giants and your addition of the Explanations section will have satisfied them in that regard already. 


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Specialized Fungus Cultures
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-05 06:01 AM
I'm a bit of a mushroom lover so I like the topic of this sub. Plus it is also well written. Another good piece of Weaver work from you, well done. Go to Comment
Dreams-of-beauty Minotaur Bard
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-31 06:18 PM
Another good Weaver sub, a likeable minor NPC that will spice up the atmosphere Go to Comment
A Noble Rest
Locations  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 06:41 AM
What a score of 3 says. Go to Comment
The Square Of Heroes
Locations  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 06:44 AM
A good 100 word sub though I would have liked an explanation on what the Carnival de Culture is actually about. Go to Comment
Onyx Guardians
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-30 05:49 PM
Kassy, just had an idea that floated into my head on this sub. I think what you've written so far would make a great start to the Tales of Adventure format. All you need to do now is to add the 3 possibilities on why the sailors are in a panic to get the figurines back. Go to Comment
Onyx Guardians
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-31 06:10 AM
I probably got the sub name wrong, it was a Codex by Wulfhere if I remember correctly. Okay, I just did a search, the Codex is actually called Tales of the Road (Tales of Adventure is the format and I got mixed up). 

Well, usually the three scenarios will make the sub into a sufficient length since each will be an independent scenario on its own. While it is clear from your summary that these figurines came from a looted temple, I can't, for the life of me, guess the motivations for these pirates wanting the figurines back based on what was written down here so far (well, not 100% true, prob a curse or sth, but still no idea at all abt nature of the curse since you can take it so many ways) 

And I just had more thoughts on turning this into a Tale of the Road. I know this is for the world you're building and you've revealed the cause of the curse but was thinking that as it currently stands, it doesn't explicitly says that the pirates were the ones looted the temple (although very likely that it's them) so was thinking in your 3 scenarios, could possibly include whether they were the culprits and if not, how they came into contact with the culprits. 

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Venettos Soup Spider
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 05:35 AM
As a blending of random sub exercise, this is great. The two subs are seamlessly integrated together. Go to Comment
The Helmet Of BEES!
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-27 09:49 PM
An item that's sort of whimsical (as in a normal item but somehow became silly thru chance). Go to Comment
Skittering Steel
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-27 06:44 AM
What the score says. However, I really wish you would de-100 this sub. Seems like their creation story would be an interesting one. Go to Comment
Skittering Steel
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-27 05:49 PM
Ah, good to hear your plans for this sub. Personally, I always use the 100 word format for "abandoned ideas" or sth that came to me on-the-fly and didn't fit into the more serious stream of pieces that I write. But I know what you mean by getting sth out first. Go to Comment
Chinese Whispers
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-27 06:40 AM
Well, you can vote anyway you want, there's no standard voting practice for scrolls if that's what you mean. Personally, I will judge a scroll based on the underlying concept and the quality of the scroll entries and I think most ppl share this.

Right, it is short at the moment, I will be adding one scroll entry tmr. Go to Comment
Chinese Whispers
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-27 09:57 PM
“There’s a crown, made of Fools’ Gems” 

Rumour 1: “And so King Fedroas ordered a Fool’s Crown to be made out of Fools’ Gems, as befitting such a fool of a king as Crohatus, and gifted it to him before sending him away on exile on a remote island” 

Rumour 2: “This is the Crown of Fools, the heirloom left by the First King of Sydknon. As the one who has accomplished what was deemed the impossible task of uniting all of Sydknon, he commissioned a crown to be inset with Fools’ Gems, to remind his descendants that with persistence, the most plain will shine one day”

P.S. I should really thank Muro's comment for inspiring this particular entry and hence the whole of this scroll. 


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Chinese Whispers
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 08:02 PM
I see what you mean with the game-specificness, esp. if you want to use this scroll to be in accordance with Shadoweagle's suggested usage. When I posted this, I was actually thinking of these being more background material (as I'm wont to think of them, given that I'm a non-gamer).

Your idea on someone posting the seed rumour and others contributing replies would be fun. I guess in that case, I would turn this into a Wiki. Okay, I think I will do it, makes this scroll more useful and fun. Go to Comment
Chinese Whispers
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 08:07 PM
Update: Turned this into a Wiki based on comment from Dossta. Updated instructions on how to separate seed text and accompanying rumours Go to Comment
Planted Madness
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 05:11 AM
This rounds out the reasoning for the Everlife Dungeon occurring nicely. However, I have one small quibble. I found the following sentence mighty hard to comprehend: "The result can be a constant burden to endure until a solution is found with the constant danger of succumbing to the Tree's power (in the case of the knight) or a source of power to draw upon, that has to be kept in constant check unless it tries to draw back (in the case of the necromancer/magic user)." I get the main gist but it's just an ultra-long sentence and some of the wording seems a bit off. Go to Comment
Ife And Eath Governors Of Existence
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 04:48 AM
Like others before me, the concept of Eath tiring is intriguing and I also love the voice that this piece is written in. It was confusing to read at some places but then this confusion also adds to the flavour of this piece- a nice paradox. Go to Comment
Everlife Dungeon
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-28 04:38 AM
A very complete explanation for a unique dungeon ecology Go to Comment
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