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Captain Will 'Deadshot' Hiller
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:26 PM
Don't know who Audie Murphy is so can't give bonus marks but a solid NPC made from the 4 sentence template. Go to Comment
Dr. Somerset Carter
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:24 PM
+0.5 for the links and the fact that she is all these disparate aspects to her character but they work so well together into making her unique Go to Comment
Eccentrica Gallumbits
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Artistic/Performance)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:30 PM
Works as a prostitute archetype. Go to Comment
Lilya Tupoleva Valerianovna
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:21 PM
What a score of 3 says. Go to Comment
Tilde, the Fixer
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mercantile)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-08 07:01 AM
This I find a better illustration of the 4 sentence NPC concept compared to the last sub. The slightly contradictory of what this character is seduced and frightened by at the same time gives it a nice flavour. Go to Comment
Zora, Sorceress Queen
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-08 06:56 AM
I know this is supposedly to for the 4 sentence challenge and I don't mind its length. What I do mind is the one-dimensionality of the NPC. The seduced by and frightened by parts seem to me as if they are the same thing rephrased in a different way. Sorry, Scras, didn't mean to be harsh, but I just felt like some of the potential of this NPC had been wasted this way. I'm gonna go with 2.5 on this. Go to Comment
The 4 Sentence Tool
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Game Mastering)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-05 07:06 PM
I've just eyeballed this and looks like a good tool for writing up NPCs in whatever length you want to write them in. Actual vote and more detailed comment to follow.... Go to Comment
The 4 Sentence Tool
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Game Mastering)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:40 PM
As I said previously, good utility sub. Go to Comment
Collection of Daggers 2
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Villanous)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-06-14 07:51 PM
Since you requested feedback on what to add, I would say one major aspect would be the backstory behind the item's creation (not the crafting process per se or only when it's interesting. Rather, I would say you could have delved more into what dark origins from which the daggers arose from. I gather that some gamers don't find this aspect very important to include but the Citadel has a few quirks of its own and this need of the readers for an item's backstory I would say is one of them.)

I also find that the entry on the 13 Obsidians a bit too sparse in that there's not even a description of its properties. Go to Comment
Fantasy Military Rankings
Systems  (Combat/ Warfare)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-05-05 08:32 PM
Firstly, welcome to the Citadel! This is a solid system, could use a bit more details but as is, it provides a good overview of the this specific ranking system. Go to Comment
Arrow of the Winged Sparrow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-05-05 08:38 PM
I like it, from the summary I somehow had in mind that this arrow would be serving as a means of sending a message (clearly I glossed over the adjective pointed) so I was a bit surprised as I read on. The legend is a nice touch. Go to Comment
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 08:18 PM
I don't want to argue semantics but while I see this as a complete idea, it doesn't seem to me to stand alone as a sub, more like a stub. The second comment I have is unfortunately also about semantics. To me, this sub is more about the underlying idea seed from which one can create a bunch of NPCs rather than a NPC submission itself. Now if this is a scroll with a few short NPCs entries ala the 101 Village/Town People style, then I feel that it would be a more fitting NPC sub. As this currently stands, I feel odd about it. But these are just my personal quibbles. Go to Comment
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 09:04 PM
I see, it's hard to quibble with technology :) Go to Comment
Atarkhul, Lord of Passions
Society/ Organizations  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 08:57 PM
Logically, this is a bit of a confusing read to me but I like the overall execution of this piece so doesn't care much of the fact that I don't completely get it. Go to Comment
The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-04 08:55 PM
Good write-up of a mind-boggling location for adventuring/divination and the combo use with ephe's sub would be... wow, more mind-boggling I can only say. Go to Comment
Ring of Subtle Injury
Items  (Jewelry)   (Cursed)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-03 08:57 PM
Firstly, welcome aboard and hope that you enjoy your stay here. This is a solid cursed item in my opinion but I agree with previous comment that it is a bit off-balance in terms of seeming benefits versus drawbacks. My first instinct on this area is that the ring might come with more 'mental tricks' than it currently has that 'compels' wearers to keep holding onto it which is the easy way out. If you wanted real benefits that would tempt the wearer, then I think it would have to give a boost in some other attributes other than mental (since you already have the ring making the wearer less intelligent)/areas of their lives. For example, maybe the wearer gets greater ability to handle/sustain wounds as a side-effect from wearing this ring (which makes it desirable for warriors esp. if they are ascertic) or maybe it makes them far more appealing to the opposite gender etc... I'm just rattling random thoughts here but I think you get the idea. Go to Comment
The Old City
Locations  (Ruins)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-27 09:30 PM
Is this really meant to be an invitation for collaboration or just advice requested on what more to add? If the latter, can the author briefly outline what feedback he/she is seeking to get? Go to Comment
30 Amazons
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-03-10 11:17 PM
I'm not up to touch with all comics but the 5 complete specimen of Amazon we have here are solid character snapshots. Of them, I only recognise Cat Woman but I somehow think Yuna is from Final Fantasy X, is it? Just wondering. Not sure what vote to give this, will ponder and come back to vote. Go to Comment
The Xan-Axe
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-13 05:56 PM
Great boon and drawback to this weapon to cause fun and mayhem. Go to Comment
The Xan-Axe
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-14 05:27 PM
That is hilarious, Muro. For that, have an upvote. Go to Comment
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