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Collection of Daggers 2
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Villanous)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-06-14 07:51 PM
Since you requested feedback on what to add, I would say one major aspect would be the backstory behind the item's creation (not the crafting process per se or only when it's interesting. Rather, I would say you could have delved more into what dark origins from which the daggers arose from. I gather that some gamers don't find this aspect very important to include but the Citadel has a few quirks of its own and this need of the readers for an item's backstory I would say is one of them.)

I also find that the entry on the 13 Obsidians a bit too sparse in that there's not even a description of its properties. Go to Comment
Fantasy Military Rankings
Systems  (Combat/ Warfare)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-05-05 08:32 PM
Firstly, welcome to the Citadel! This is a solid system, could use a bit more details but as is, it provides a good overview of the this specific ranking system. Go to Comment
Arrow of the Winged Sparrow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-05-05 08:38 PM
I like it, from the summary I somehow had in mind that this arrow would be serving as a means of sending a message (clearly I glossed over the adjective pointed) so I was a bit surprised as I read on. The legend is a nice touch. Go to Comment
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 08:18 PM
I don't want to argue semantics but while I see this as a complete idea, it doesn't seem to me to stand alone as a sub, more like a stub. The second comment I have is unfortunately also about semantics. To me, this sub is more about the underlying idea seed from which one can create a bunch of NPCs rather than a NPC submission itself. Now if this is a scroll with a few short NPCs entries ala the 101 Village/Town People style, then I feel that it would be a more fitting NPC sub. As this currently stands, I feel odd about it. But these are just my personal quibbles. Go to Comment
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 09:04 PM
I see, it's hard to quibble with technology :) Go to Comment
Atarkhul, Lord of Passions
Society/ Organizations  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 08:57 PM
Logically, this is a bit of a confusing read to me but I like the overall execution of this piece so doesn't care much of the fact that I don't completely get it. Go to Comment
The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-04 08:55 PM
Good write-up of a mind-boggling location for adventuring/divination and the combo use with ephe's sub would be... wow, more mind-boggling I can only say. Go to Comment
Ring of Subtle Injury
Items  (Jewelry)   (Cursed)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-03 08:57 PM
Firstly, welcome aboard and hope that you enjoy your stay here. This is a solid cursed item in my opinion but I agree with previous comment that it is a bit off-balance in terms of seeming benefits versus drawbacks. My first instinct on this area is that the ring might come with more 'mental tricks' than it currently has that 'compels' wearers to keep holding onto it which is the easy way out. If you wanted real benefits that would tempt the wearer, then I think it would have to give a boost in some other attributes other than mental (since you already have the ring making the wearer less intelligent)/areas of their lives. For example, maybe the wearer gets greater ability to handle/sustain wounds as a side-effect from wearing this ring (which makes it desirable for warriors esp. if they are ascertic) or maybe it makes them far more appealing to the opposite gender etc... I'm just rattling random thoughts here but I think you get the idea. Go to Comment
30 Amazons
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-03-10 11:17 PM
I'm not up to touch with all comics but the 5 complete specimen of Amazon we have here are solid character snapshots. Of them, I only recognise Cat Woman but I somehow think Yuna is from Final Fantasy X, is it? Just wondering. Not sure what vote to give this, will ponder and come back to vote. Go to Comment
The Xan-Axe
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-13 05:56 PM
Great boon and drawback to this weapon to cause fun and mayhem. Go to Comment
The Xan-Axe
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-14 05:27 PM
That is hilarious, Muro. For that, have an upvote. Go to Comment
The War Drum of Oyr
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-05 03:55 AM
I seem to be pushing towards the fact that the War Drum isn't created from a Shard of Storm and for that reason that seems not 100% fitting towards the Shards of Storm quest but I think I have at least made the case that it could be made from a Shard of Storm. It certainly is a possibility- one of two, circulating among sages in my world. Go to Comment
The War Drum of Oyr
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-05 04:20 PM
Cloudy origin and convoluted myth seem to be personal fav of mine or at least, they tend to crop as recurring themes in my items time and again.

Really like the bovine idea btw and shall incorporate into the sub. Go to Comment
The War Drum of Oyr
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-05 04:23 PM
Update: Incorporated Muro's idea of Drum effect on nearby bovines Go to Comment
Power Stones
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-03 08:20 PM
The Options & Ideas section sets this apart but otherwise this is a solid but slightly too conventional idea. Go to Comment
Wings of Wondrous Power
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-03 08:51 PM
Muro summed up very well. So what he said. Go to Comment
Horn of Magic Power
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-03 08:47 PM
I personally feel like this should be put under Items rather than Lifeforms but that's a nitpick and I find this sub greatly amusing. Go to Comment
White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-05 10:38 PM
I had my suspicions with Val's comment and you just confirmed it :) Go to Comment
White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-02-05 10:42 PM
I see an edit had been done to cut down on verbosity but the balance between the fiction and White Death itself is still a bit problematic. Like Val said, this is somehow screaming for separation into 2 subs, 1 being fiction and the other being White Death as an NPC. But the prose is really perfect. Go to Comment
Ogre Sports
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Local)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-01-14 06:21 PM
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is inspired by the very educational convo we had yesterday about what meta-fiction is. Rise, meta fiction!

Very gruesome but very believable accounting of a couple ogre sports.

Too bad this isn't about shapeshifters else we could include this straight into issue 1. Go to Comment
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