The Needles of Zhi and Wu (Acupuncture Needle)
Description:
A set of acupuncture needles ordinary in every way except that they are of a green colour as if made of jade, rumoured to be so potent in healing properties that even revival of the dead are achievable.
The Origin:
These needles are the tools of trade of Bian Que, the miracle doctor of the Era of Spring and Fall. It was rumoured that Bian Que is in fact the offspring of the Goddess of Mercy and is a divine entity himself. According to such sources, these needles have developed direct healing qualities themselves as a result of prolonged contact with Bian Que with his godly presence pervading this set of tools.
Current whereabouts:
Unknown- Immediately following the end of the Era of Spring and Fall comes the Period of the Warring States, a time of turmoil accompanied by many refugees of wars fleeing the Dragon Empire for more peaceful outlying regions. It was speculated that Bian Que and his family might have been among such refugees.
Note: This is historical fiction since it is genuinely recorded in Chinese history that there was a miracle working doctor known as Bian Que active during what is known as the Spring and Autumn and the Warring States Period.
Through consultation with Clergyman 2, the PCs had narrowed down the list of suspects to 3 possible parties:
1. The Order of Wisdom from the Earth which have a long rivalry with the Church over followers and conflicting theologies. It was speculated that the theft of the artifact might be an attempt to discredit the faith of the Heavenly Sight. The rumors currently flowing around town on the church angering their own deity and the artifact having been taken back as punishment seem to support this theory.
2. The "Unfaithful One" who was banished and just before his banishment was caught trying to taint the artifact with his unholy stain. While more protection had been put in around the artifact after the attempt, the "Unfaithful One" has his own unholy powers and his familiarity with the church would give him a reasonable chance of success in stealing away the artifact.
3. An overzealous patron of the Church who had expressed his desire to house the artifact in his own mansion in 'proper splendour'. It was clear that he had both the resources and the possible motivation for arranging for the artifact to be stolen.
The underlying idea is solid and logical. The overall submission is also quite likeable as a whole. A good first post.
I read this purely as a creation myth without any knowledge of the Locastus setting and liked the way the idea was executed, esp. the first part on the myth of the Grey Lady and the Seir ( I agree with Silveressa's point on the sci-fi terms although personally I just glossed over their actual meaning and interpreted them as being part of the description for a titanic battle with devastating impacts on the world so I didn't deduct any points for this aspect).
Overall, however, I did think this seems like a sub that has enough content to be labelled complete (and is accompanied with good quality write-up) but still lacks something to reach its full potential. In particular, I think the sub would have benefited if you could insinuate more on the culture of the Seir within the creation myth so that they are more vivid as a people. I think that would also address Silveressa's comment on this currently doesn't quite fit into the category of Lifeforms.
62. Extra recreation activity- train your pet croc!
63. Opens up a new career path as animal trainer
64. Provides a quick way of earning some money when short on cash- surely the novelty of seeing a croc performing ‘tricks’ on command will draw some spectators
65. Be renowned for the entirely new unique “fighting with a croc at your side” style of combat
Certainly a very high quality piece. Overall, I don't think I can really suggest any useful suggestions for improvement. Oh, one minor thing, the sub mentioned in the 4th paragraph something abt his "access to the nets" was limited. I thought this referred to the Internet or some such equivalent in which case it would be better to capitalise the "nets" bit else there may be a slim chance (very slim) that the reader might wonder abt it meaning something else (as I briefly did but then again maybe it's just me)
Overall, a solid piece. Like Dossta, I like the tragic yet positive ending to the bard's story that gives rise to the tree.
A solid first submission. I quite like the descriptions in the second paragraph. Personally, I would insert some bold headings to separate out different sections but as it is, it's still quite easy to read and I didn't take any points off.
A good quality sub overall, with a coherent backstory. I also quite like the interweaving b/w the narrative story and the scientific/medical excerpts.
An interesting idea with solid write-up. But, I still need to ponder more before voting.
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