Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Ballad of the Malconvoker
Locations  (Area)   (Plains)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-24 08:31 PM
Like the other Moon, I like the way you turn the pic around too and the poem format is indeed lovable. And finally, cheers for 2nd sub for the Art Quest. The Moons collaboration are working to come with the 3rd but let's see.... Go to Comment
Articles  (Fiction)   (Players)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-20 12:15 AM
Overall, I liked this story about a son's love/hate relationship with his father. While the transition between the father telling of the story (the here and now) and the protagonist recollecting of his time with his father might be a little abrupt at places, I think the essence of the relationship between father and son and its dynamic evolution (from the son's perspective anyway) came through well. I like the mirror effect between the story about father and son that the protagonist's father is telling and the main story itself but a bit of complaint I have is that for the full mirror effect to be appreciated by the readers, they need to first know a little more abt the Sabatallee society than written down in this story itself (in particular, I'm thinking abt the three phases in life they have), can more of these cultural aspects of the Sabatallee society be worked into the story, maybe where the protagonist is delivering a value judgement on his father's blood? Go to Comment
The Light and His Lady
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (World Wide)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-15 12:06 AM
I actually read this as a creation myth and liked it in a mild way. Towards the end, it was slightly confusing simply because of the number of names introduced Go to Comment
Xue Ren (Snow/Blood Blade Edge)
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-05 05:16 PM
Fixed, Muro. Thanks for letting me know. Go to Comment
Xue Ren (Snow/Blood Blade Edge)
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-06 05:03 PM
Well, I guess I have in mind that he would be famous among the martial arts world but in terms of everyday citizenry, not really. A good logical extrapolation on the foster care system :)

Nope, totally hopeless at drawings I am. I just browsed for a Chinese male and used the first thing that suited my purpose. Also, now that you mention the teaser, I did not make up the excerpt (I sometimes do but not in this instance). Li Bai is an actual poet in ancient China, in the Tang dynasty. Just want to make that clear.

Haiku about the sword? Not in the right mind for doing it right now but if my muse comes back, I will come back and add one. Go to Comment
Xue Ren (Snow/Blood Blade Edge)
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-09 01:35 AM
There you go, Axle, Scras made one up for you and spared me the effort. :) Thanks, Scras. Go to Comment
The Elder Crow of the Tarlathii
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-22 12:06 AM
I like this kind of subtle possession as you call it and welcome back to the realm of submitters. Let all your other subs on the backburner come forth! Go to Comment
Mark Greaves, Assassin Hobo
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-04 01:43 AM
A fairly good setup on how one becomes an unwilling assassin and I like the bit about how the curse seems to make him run into future clients. Go to Comment
Freya, Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 05:53 PM
For me (if I had to vote on the winner for the 500 word assassin challenge), I would pick either this or Dozus' sub. I liked Dozus' sub because of the background of double worship whereas this is definitely more character centred. Good work. Go to Comment
Artan Keybreaker
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 03:04 AM
Yet another uncommon assassin specimen, liked the use of headers to make the sub have a more structured feel (I'm just a structure person). Go to Comment
Buluc, death priest of Rope Woman
NPCs  (Minor)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 12:31 AM
I like the double worship very much, a good sub for an uncommon assassin archetype. Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-31 11:07 PM

Wow, Axle you have a sharp eye for word count or did you actually use word count? :P

Really like the plot you suggested

Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-31 11:32 PM
I liked Rye okay and his end was unexpected but this sub did not particularly strike a chord with me (b/c I'm non-gamer?) so I have to give a drastically different score than Axle. Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-31 11:35 PM
Ah yes, now Word automatically has word count at the bottom. I read straight off the browser for subs of conventional length at the Ctiadel but I do find reading from Word is slightly better. Go to Comment
Elainuk: Parna's Dark Elf Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-30 06:33 PM
I like the twist on the dark elf assassin stereotype but the transition from illusionary Elainuk to real Bobby was just a tad too abrupt for my taste. Still, the 500 word limit is a real constraint so did not deduct mark for that. Go to Comment
Sinister, Lord of Left Socks
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 12:26 AM
Not sure why but I liked this sub a little less than MMWWW. Still, a solid sub and nothing to fix much. Go to Comment
30 body parts for do-it-yourself Chimera
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-29 06:27 PM
When you edit your sub, I think there should be on the right hand side an option to add collaborator, you either add the person's username or id (not sure whether both works but I think id definitely works, user id can be obtained through author profile, just click on Muro's name from one of his comments). Go to Comment
MMWWW Goddess of Milk
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-01 12:18 AM
I've said elsewhere that I'm a serious-minded person. Still, I think there's potential here for both humorous and serious gaming and reading. Go to Comment
The Return of the White Deer- Chapter 14
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-26 08:19 PM
Update: This is an incomplete Chap where I've skipped over the wrestling as shown by the .... Not sure whether this conflict with Songkun constitutes as a complete mini story-arc. Go to Comment
The Return of the White Deer- Chapter 14
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-02-13 12:33 AM
For the father-son pair, yes, those were roughly the type of effects that I'm shooting for, with the father being the more major threat of course. I know what you are saying with the new character introductions (and I'm certainly glad that you tell me about its impacts on the pace) but I don't know how to fix it yet. But I will definitely sleep on what you said.

The thing with Bortai always getting bored is basically an artefact of me trying to truncate small talk out of the conversation so I just made Bortai day-dream/reflect on other things whenever small talk comes up in the scene. But I will see whether I could edit out Nalan Khan's 'small talk' entirely when I do my editing later. Now I'm going ahead with the mantra of "no editing until after the whole book is finished" b/c going back to rewrite the earlier Chapters and keep doing 'edit-as-I-go' as well as writing up new Chaps nearly had me going schizo. So yep, completely reversed tact now.

The wrestling match is what I planned as the big conflict to end this encounter in the Neermu tribe so in that sense I thought winning for Temujin would be a resolution of this conflict. Besides, it is sort of important for Temujin to win b/c the dignity thing with wrestling being one of the three manly skills, in that sense important for Temujin's confidence and moral of the party.

Also, somehow your last paragraph has been truncated. Not sure what you were going to ask there. Go to Comment
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