Strolen\s Citadel content. 
7 Things About Suicide Squad
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Players)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-08-15 09:32 PM
I haven't seen the movie and am not particularly interested when I saw the movie poster for it at the tram stop outside my office so I can't really give a vote to this. But as an article, this works. It's got a strong narrative voice and the 7 things form a single coherent opinion about the movie. Go to Comment
Captain Will 'Deadshot' Hiller
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:26 PM
Don't know who Audie Murphy is so can't give bonus marks but a solid NPC made from the 4 sentence template. Go to Comment
Dr. Somerset Carter
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:24 PM
+0.5 for the links and the fact that she is all these disparate aspects to her character but they work so well together into making her unique Go to Comment
Eccentrica Gallumbits
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Artistic/Performance)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:30 PM
Works as a prostitute archetype. Go to Comment
Lilya Tupoleva Valerianovna
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:21 PM
What a score of 3 says. Go to Comment
Tilde, the Fixer
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mercantile)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-08 07:01 AM
This I find a better illustration of the 4 sentence NPC concept compared to the last sub. The slightly contradictory of what this character is seduced and frightened by at the same time gives it a nice flavour. Go to Comment
Zora, Sorceress Queen
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-08 06:56 AM
I know this is supposedly to for the 4 sentence challenge and I don't mind its length. What I do mind is the one-dimensionality of the NPC. The seduced by and frightened by parts seem to me as if they are the same thing rephrased in a different way. Sorry, Scras, didn't mean to be harsh, but I just felt like some of the potential of this NPC had been wasted this way. I'm gonna go with 2.5 on this. Go to Comment
The 4 Sentence Tool
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Game Mastering)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-05 07:06 PM
I've just eyeballed this and looks like a good tool for writing up NPCs in whatever length you want to write them in. Actual vote and more detailed comment to follow.... Go to Comment
The 4 Sentence Tool
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Game Mastering)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-18 08:40 PM
As I said previously, good utility sub. Go to Comment
Collection of Daggers 2
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Villanous)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-06-14 07:51 PM
Since you requested feedback on what to add, I would say one major aspect would be the backstory behind the item's creation (not the crafting process per se or only when it's interesting. Rather, I would say you could have delved more into what dark origins from which the daggers arose from. I gather that some gamers don't find this aspect very important to include but the Citadel has a few quirks of its own and this need of the readers for an item's backstory I would say is one of them.)

I also find that the entry on the 13 Obsidians a bit too sparse in that there's not even a description of its properties. Go to Comment
Fantasy Military Rankings
Systems  (Combat/ Warfare)   (General)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-05-05 08:32 PM
Firstly, welcome to the Citadel! This is a solid system, could use a bit more details but as is, it provides a good overview of the this specific ranking system. Go to Comment
Arrow of the Winged Sparrow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-05-05 08:38 PM
I like it, from the summary I somehow had in mind that this arrow would be serving as a means of sending a message (clearly I glossed over the adjective pointed) so I was a bit surprised as I read on. The legend is a nice touch. Go to Comment
Godmarked
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 08:18 PM
I don't want to argue semantics but while I see this as a complete idea, it doesn't seem to me to stand alone as a sub, more like a stub. The second comment I have is unfortunately also about semantics. To me, this sub is more about the underlying idea seed from which one can create a bunch of NPCs rather than a NPC submission itself. Now if this is a scroll with a few short NPCs entries ala the 101 Village/Town People style, then I feel that it would be a more fitting NPC sub. As this currently stands, I feel odd about it. But these are just my personal quibbles. Go to Comment
Godmarked
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 09:04 PM
I see, it's hard to quibble with technology :) Go to Comment
Atarkhul, Lord of Passions
Society/ Organizations  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-08 08:57 PM
Logically, this is a bit of a confusing read to me but I like the overall execution of this piece so doesn't care much of the fact that I don't completely get it. Go to Comment
The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-04 08:55 PM
Good write-up of a mind-boggling location for adventuring/divination and the combo use with ephe's sub would be... wow, more mind-boggling I can only say. Go to Comment
Ring of Subtle Injury
Items  (Jewelry)   (Cursed)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-04-03 08:57 PM
Firstly, welcome aboard and hope that you enjoy your stay here. This is a solid cursed item in my opinion but I agree with previous comment that it is a bit off-balance in terms of seeming benefits versus drawbacks. My first instinct on this area is that the ring might come with more 'mental tricks' than it currently has that 'compels' wearers to keep holding onto it which is the easy way out. If you wanted real benefits that would tempt the wearer, then I think it would have to give a boost in some other attributes other than mental (since you already have the ring making the wearer less intelligent)/areas of their lives. For example, maybe the wearer gets greater ability to handle/sustain wounds as a side-effect from wearing this ring (which makes it desirable for warriors esp. if they are ascertic) or maybe it makes them far more appealing to the opposite gender etc... I'm just rattling random thoughts here but I think you get the idea. Go to Comment
The Old City
Locations  (Ruins)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-27 09:30 PM
Is this really meant to be an invitation for collaboration or just advice requested on what more to add? If the latter, can the author briefly outline what feedback he/she is seeking to get? Go to Comment
The Old City
Locations  (Ruins)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-31 11:36 PM
Originally, the collaboration requested submission type was meant to be a submission type meant for situations where you ran into trouble bringing a sub to conclusion and asks for help from everyone (it was called Advice Requested) though a few of us with the perfectionist streak/cautionary personality uses this submission type so that Strolenati can pre-screen our subs and comment and we can see whether we need to edit our subs before releasing it to the public and then there are instances where people want a collaborator in on a piece and can't select a relevant submission type out of the others and select what was then Advice Requested. So then Strolen wanted to separate out b/w all these widely different uses for this single submission type and decided to change its name to Collaboration Requested to cater for the third group of users cos we can always give a shout-out in the chatbox or forums if you need help. But as far as I know, established Strolenati just stuck with their sub like I said and want any feedback to get them out of it probably still uses this submission type. And really, I think this is a submission type very much neglected anyway. I think Scras tried to put a few of his attempted 30s into Collaboration Requested to get collaborations on board to help him take them to 30 but no one took up his call so then he just ended up publishing them as normal subs but tagged them as incomplete. Val created a new region called the Workshop holding all "not quite done submissions that could use a helping hand" to try to address this neglect or experiment with a new concept but I think I'm the only one who has taken any interest in this region.

On collaboration here in the Citadel, there is a distinction between first author and contributing author. This distinction doesn't affect xp, levelling and number of subs written etc. but does affect quests. I've done a 50/50 collaborative sub for a quest before and I wasn't credited as having done the quest even though the submission was one of the two tied-winners of the quest cos I wasn't the first author. I personally don't care about credits too much but just giving you a full picture of stuff since you and falcon are relatively new to the Citadel. In practice, a piece becomes a collaborative sub when the first author inputs the author id(s) of specific Strolenati into the contributing author box on the submission page (one of these options on the RHS of the screen). I think originally, this collaborative sub option wasn't meant for 50-50 collaborations but was for an older version of the Citadel where we got this submission type called scrolls that has now been superseded by the ability for readers to submit ideas to a submission to add to it where authors would tag someone as a contributing author if they started a new scroll and someone came along and added a great number of items to the scroll.

Sorry, became long history lesson. Go to Comment
The Old City
Locations  (Ruins)   (Any)
Moonlake's comment on 2016-07-31 11:49 PM

In short, if you want to have a collaborator, any collaborator, just select the Collaboration Requested submission type (on RHS of submission page where the default option is Normal Submission) but you are NOT guaranteed to have anyone even knowing about it, less jumping on board. Slightly better way in terms of getting attention is to go to Sagely Advice on forum and outline your sub but again whether people want to jump on board vary on case-by-case basis. Best way is for you to identify who you want as a collaborator exactly and then PM him/her directly within forums (or you can try to catch people in the chatbox but you might not get lucky cos even established Strolenati wander in and out of the Citadel constantly). At the forums page, go to My Message sandwiched between "Member Map" and "Members" on the forums drop-down and there are only two options: Read message or Write message. You can PM to anyone as long as you get their username right. Sent messages will be remain in your Outbox till they are read by the other person (so they are not actually stuck, they only appear to be stuck. We thought that was a bug before and reported it to Strolen but apparently it's a unique feature of the forum code which he outsourced. :) )

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