A good first try out. A very basic item with just some story to give it some color.
It could use some polishing in terms of description, and some of the spelling and punctuation. (Run it through a spell check or through ms word before you submit and it should be fine).
It does have a nice little story, giving the reason for the mage to make a quick and dirty enchantment (that must of been in his grimoire before). I do wonder why he is sitting alone after the job.
So the invisability requires the character to have a good bonus for cover, in shadows, and probably a successful skill check for deception/ stealth. The success would be total, rather than the normally expected resisted roll. Nice twist on the inviso device. Go to Comment
The Furling were a humanoid race that appeared to be nothing more than overly tall Asgardians with many veins on their skull. They became a great race based on their technological mastery. They achieved a Transhuman state, to move beyond their organic form using a combination of machines and genetic engineering.
Their forms are a blended mix of organic complexes and nanites. They tailor their form to what ever they need for their task at hands. Since they were a highly logical race, without an asthetic bone in their body, their define their form on a practical basis.
There are only 2 million or so Furlings dispersed between four galaxies. Each one has the personal powers of a small replicator colony that understands teleportation, beam weaponry, and the warped space that wormholes pass through. In short, they have every piece of technology that every other great race has and a willingness to use it.
To be honest, they only interact with each other. Ascended beings are an interesting diversion and considered a near equal, but seem to have too many limits. Gaold and Asgardians are something to study, other races are nothing more than lab rats.
They might dial a gate through, just for oldtimes sake or energy needs, rather than punching their own wormhole.
So the Furlings are here, cloaked just to avoid being bothered. They are exploring and experimenting on the universe. Go to Comment
I read this on the gateworld (http://www.gateworld.net ) in reference to We were going to meet the Furlings in Season Ten teases the staff mentioned about the alleged 10th season. I also saw the lime, "Who said we haven't already met them?" in the same article. This got me thinking about what race would they have been. There is really one good suspect.
The Furlings are a non corporal lifeform. Each Furling appear to be animated warm water. This translucent pale blue form is fluid and warm to the touch. It is animated, able to act against gravity (lift itself up) and take any shape. This motion is slower than human motion. It can not float in the air, so it is subject to gravity. However, it can appear to become steam. In this gaseous form, it can float about. Each Furling seems to be about three gallons (10 liters) worth of size. A Furling can expand and contract is apparent volume by a factor of nearly 10, allowing it best fit its environment or fulfill its needs.
Each Furling is physically comprises of billions upon billions of cellulates (cell like structures that are not cells as we conventionally define them). Each being is not actually a liquid, but comprised of nearly uncountable number of microscopic beads that look and function much like water. These cellulates absorb, store, and release stored heat energy while functioning. The absorption and release of heat seems to be the main driving metabolic force in a furling. The cellulites can do the same for any energy form up or down the electromagnetic, but these seem to require great effort on the Furlings part.
The Furlings intelligence seems to be contained in an energy matrix or spiritual format. (Thus they can be considered non material, even though they are anchored to a material form). This mode of existence allows them to share thoughts as easy as they can share cellulites, allowing for total communication and coordination of actions.
Furling seem to communicate by radiation or direct beaming either spiritual energy or other EM to each other. They may be able to communicate by vibrating cellulites if they are touching, but this is conjecture.
They tend to live together in pools or oceans, interacting with each other and with minimal need for any material culture. Anything them seem to need, they can usually form their material forms into. This includes space faring form. The lack of material culture makes them the most alien of all the Major Races.
Note: they can dominate any large amount of liquid, incorporating and containing it in its own mass. They can also enter (in gaseous state usually) and control any carbon based lifeform. They are mostly water after all, and they can coopt must of the chemical functions as well.
Note II: It is hard to determine if this is the Furling's natural form or the product of a transhuman technology program. Their form makes each Furling effectively immortal and nearly indestructable (as they can seem to be able to move between cellulates). This could be another near Ascension, where they are still some what bound to material plain, but non material/ spiritual in conciousness. Go to Comment
In the Star Gate Universe, lifeforms can Ascend. Ascension is a process by which sufficiently-evolved sentient beings may shed their physical bodies and live eternally as pure energy on a higher plane of existence full of knowledge and power.
It is a mental, spiritual or evolutionary enlightenment that can arise as the direct result of achieving a certain level of wisdom and self-knowledge. Ascension was also employed by the Ancients as a means to avoid a number of issues threatening their species with extinction.
The Furlings, they almost Ascended.
Their belief system and physics denied the existance of anything "beyond". They believed that "other physics" practiced by other races were just flawed and had quirks in their math.
Yet, like all races, they were looking for a way to perfect themselves and become immortal. They achieved Singularity through the use of technology. Their minds and energy patterns were merged into near indestructable crystal pylons. The Pylons function as... well we don't hvae the words to really explain the concept yet. Put simply...
Pylons acted as computers in which the minds and energy patterns were downloaded. The pylon provides a virtual world for the mind to exist in and provides augmented mental processes for the mind embedded in it.
Pylons have powerful sensory and communication equipment, allowing them FTL sensory access and communicated with other Pylons and if they slow down their perceptions enough.... minds/ being outside their pylons.
Pylons are zero point energy tranducers, providing them a near unlimited source of power to power themselves and to construct any matter they would need.
Furling Technology had nannite, forcefield, and neutron matter abilities. Since the mind in the Pylon has the access to "the database" of all Furling Knowledge (or they could simply ask another Furling who knows something and that knowledge could be downloaded) and the ability to force create psuedo matter through the use of zero point energy, they can make anything they might need.
Furlings now live in a state of pure conciousness and at a rate thousands of times faster than any material being. They still have community with each other, but they can opt to be single. No matter what, they are still perfecting themselves, as that is their goal. They have divorced themselves from material reality in most ways. For all effective purposes, they have ascended.
A Furlong Planet normally looks like a planetary garden with a classical greek motif or nature preserve with two foot to four foot tall (6 to 12 decimeters) pieces of quartz about. Some are on pedistals, others are simply in the ground. A few are quite large, some are smaller. The areas are tended, nearly automatically, by either nanites who do all the maintance of the plants/ animals, etc or by nanite collectives (liquid metal robots) that move about doing things.
It should be noted, that Dr Daniel has a large piece of crystal in his workshop. It is probably a Pylon. Perhaps the Furling might become interested in what is happening outside their perfect collective universes. Go to Comment
It was a suprise when you did Star Gate. I had almost forgotten about this race.
So you have inspired a new quest. Everyone should write something from their favorite science fiction (or fantasy) series/ franchise. I want Jedi, I want Captains of Starships (or any officer of Star Fleet), I want SG teams, I want Serenity Characters, I want Officers of the Bloodguard, I want Heralds, I want Bene Gesserit, I want all those other oddly garbed leaguers that are in the background, I want Brown Coats, I want Witch Hunters, I want villians from said pieces, and I want... well you get what I want. You are not allowed to do a named character from the Franchise (books/ series). The character still has to fit the setting. Can we do this as a quest? Go to Comment
Coran needs to be an NPC write up. Like LLorryn of The Singing Steel, Corvus, or SnO's Ironspirt, the character seems to be the root cause of many magic items (as seen in http://www.strolen.com/content.php?node=1454 ).
Now, is he the first guy to make something this cool or useful? Is this now a common enchantment in their world now?
It is an item of basic utility and need. Someone didn't think to use magic for this before? Is it just a basic spell that someone just came up with and someone else might be doing it somewhere else? Go to Comment
The write up is a little sparse in terms of details. The description of the item itself uses a lot of "implied" ideas.
The history, was okay. Nothing spectacular, but nothing bad.
It begs the question, why hasn't anyone else made one of these? It is terribly useful and a common need. Is this the innovator who created the enchantment? Is it just one reason why someone would make one? Go to Comment
A new view on Orcs (not a new take, as they are traditional orcs with a different culture).
Edit note: if you could put an extra line between the paragraphs. It would make the submission easier to read.
In terms of content, I like it.
Carnivore mounts, okay.. fantasy trope.. I can deal with that.
I just have one issue.. metal forging and nomadic peoples. Even the West African metal workers were semi-nomadic, as having a forge and proper anvil requires a great deal of space/ weight/ and installation investment. Even the West African Metal Worlkers, who did beautiful work, tended to work small because of their equipment.
So you will need to flesh this out or find some way for them to move a true forge. (It is a large sled that they shlep with a team of these creaures?) Perhaps their magic users are metal smiths (harkening back to West Africans), thus using magic to make things with less material gear. Instead of the banging of a hammer, the sound of an odd vibration, like a didgeridoo, comes from the magi as he forges the Great War SwordGo to Comment
I love the idea, the execution could take a little polishing. Really it just needs to be expanded. There is not enough information here for someone to just "pick this up" and run with it. Submissions should be written up so they are "ready to go", with enough information that the GM/DM can just grab it and use it from there... improvising anything they need from all the information provided.
I would want to see her as a seperate submission by the way.
And I thought I gave you this sub, just to help out...
Remember to hit the Gold Standard:
The Gold Standard: "If some element of your game could not be part of a published fantasy novel, it needs work. That is what you should aim for." If your item/ npc/ plot/ setting is not as well described and developed as something you would find in a published (fantasy) novel (excluding most DnD licensed novels), then it is not equal to the gold standard and needs work. This standard is really not that hard to meet. You do not need to be a professional writer. You just need to put a little effort into doing it right. Remember to be complete. Remember to sprinkle in some details. And, Remember to give the piece as much attention as it deserves. Go to Comment