Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-11 03:26 PM
2d8 for you DnDer (with broadsword being 1d8), or 4d6 or 2d6 sonic for Gurpsers, or 2d6 RKA cone/ NND does body for a Hero Person.

And it can do structural damage, cracking and eventually breaking things, intead of just people damage.

Really not that bad. Why is it overpowered? Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-12 01:06 PM
vs what a man with an axe or mallet can do? (or someone uncaring about their broadsword could hack and eventually break). Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-12 05:38 PM
I am sorry, I thought it was clear that the amount of damage was along the lines of two broadsword's worth of damage. Otherwise why would it be so wimpy against organic and instantly devastating against rocks/ trees?

No worries. I will think of an edit to make that clearer. Go to Comment
The Lairdlands
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Plains)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-11 02:24 PM
I like the submission in terms of its format and content.

There is a good history, adaptable to many settings, to utilize as is, or adapt to a new whole.

There is a strong political and social picture presented here. It is novel and has just enough detail.

It is a little to "Ideal", perhaps almost magically so. That grates on me a little. Aside, "Can you have a Mary Sue land?"

While I can see these men being stoid fighters, I wonder how they get to be "good fighters". There is no mention of regular militia training or Lairds running combats. Not every farmer used to be a hardened merc. So while they will be tough men, they won't be skilled fighters.

And I would lose the entire last paragraph. It adds nothing really and confuses the issue. I would replace it with plot hooks and/or more comments on the culture or how to play characters from the Lairdlands. Go to Comment
Spirit Ring
Items  (Jewelry)   (Sentient)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-10 12:28 PM
Actually it seems like a good idea. However, I think the writing was pretty below standard. The history is looks like you wrote three parts, then edited them together badly. The effects section is confusing. I would pull this one back into your working spot, and rework it. Go to Comment
Magic Gun Fail
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Gaming - In General)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-06 11:58 PM
There are a couple floating around in works, but the only one that is live is Silvered Irons Go to Comment
Magic Gun Fail
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Gaming - In General)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-06 11:58 PM
How can I not love something that uses me as a quote? Go to Comment
Undead Economics? Or Golem Economics?
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - In General)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-07 12:14 AM
I see that you saw ]Undead Economy.
Might I point out....X-Jacks. I would also suggest you read some of Issac Asimov's Robot Novels? These novels take place a millenium into the future, where humans have colonized 50 planets and invented robots. They chronicle the unlikely partnership between a New York City detective and a humanoid robot who must learn to work together. This is my favorite of the three main series mainly because of the relationship between the spacers (those sneaky bastards who colonized the galaxy) and the earthers (the wimps who stayed home). This series also demonstrates how Asimov is able to work within a given set of guidlines (the famous 3 laws of robotics) and yet forward fresh and exciting ideas. Plus, they are really some of his best books all around.

Robot Visions: A collection of short stories dealing with robots (this book has more stories than the original "I, Robot"). Not necessary to read, though some of the stories about Susan Calvin (robotics pioneer) are referenced as well as a good short story called Mirror Image that takes place between the Naked Sun and The Robots of Dawn (its a Elijah and Daneel mini-mystery).

The Caves of Steel: The first novel in the Robot Series has a standard murder mystery storyline in which a prominent spacer is murdered and a Earth detective is paired up with a humanoid robot to solve the mystery. This is where we first meet Elijah Baley and R. Daneel Olivaw (the R. standing for Robot).

The Naked Sun: The second novel again teams up Elijah Baley and R. Daneel Olivaw to solve another murder, this time on the spacer planet Solaria. I remember this novel as having great plays on the 3 laws of robotics (he had robots attempting murder!). A good follow up to Caves.

The Robots of Dawn: Yet another murder mystery on a spacer planet for Elijah and Daneel to solve. A little slow, but it has a great ending. Typical 'Asimov going over your head until the end where he ties everything together and you kick yourself' book.

Robots and Empire: The last of the Robot novels is not exactly a mystery, but it is still a highly entertaining novel that bears a great importance on the later series. Elija appears briefly, but his Spacer friend Gloria and his old partner, Daneel, are the main characters. A good ending to the series (watch out for those sneaky Solarians!).

All that aside, I see one problem.

I see where you are going with this. I see some of the value. However, most of us dismiss the DnD allignment orientation you are starting from here. We either don't play a game with allignments, don't play DnD, or deal with games with different social complexes.

There are lots of societies, and game settings, where necromancy is not evil, shunned, or bad. (In fact, most shamans do a lot of necromantic magic, just seldom animate the dead).

This said, you are going to have to set up this a bit more to make it useful. You are going to need to avoid the Generic Adventure Fantasy Cliches (i.e. D&D ones).

Soooo. Go to Comment
Mourners of the Quiet Guild
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-06 12:04 AM
Yes, they probably have. And their own folks have cut them down. Go to Comment
Mourners of the Quiet Guild
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-06 12:20 AM
I like to keep them a secular organization that was religious roots. That keeps them out of the power struggles that religions and knightly organizations (like this one was) are always involved with or drawn into. Go to Comment
Mourners of the Quiet Guild
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-06 11:53 PM
The Shadow is an old metaphor for Evil or The Devil. You could think of it as any demiurge tormenting reality. Go to Comment
Mourners of the Quiet Guild
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-07 01:56 AM
I will do it soon (or you can do it, I am easy) Go to Comment
Rockwell's Pistol
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-04 06:37 PM
It is true. It is the classic, "Where did you get that weapon?" situation

Answer Magic Sword: "I found the weapon on the Quest to find the 12 Gems of Alaveroin. We were deep in the ...."

Answer Laser Pistol: "Sears 49.99"

Science Fiction tends to be very, pragmatic in its production of "cool things". After all, most technology is pretty replicatable. So you tend to get a lot of specs and details, rathe rthan story.

This is a "Historical Item", rather than an item write up. It is special only in regards to its owner. Go to Comment
Rockwell's Pistol
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-04 06:38 PM
And see comments from above. Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Mountains)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-12 01:13 PM
Nicely detailed. Sorry I missed this the first pass through.

Some of your parts of this could of been in other subs and linked back, but that is just a site thing. Go to Comment
Carly Goldwin, thief and dark cultist
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-07 01:53 AM
Nicely done. Good description. Nice hooks. Easy enough to adapt to other things. Not a DnD variation is a plus to. Go to Comment
Giant River Wyrm
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-09-07 01:55 AM
I am sorry I did not comment on this creature earlier.

Interesting twists to ecology. It is amazing to me where this ended up, considering where it started. *gold clap* Go to Comment
Gamma Goblins
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Space)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-08-25 11:30 AM
A vast improvement over the original.

We now have a social structure and a better explanation as to why the critters exist, do what they do, and how they function in the real world.

The species is still a little hard to take as anything more than a joke. I see where you are going with it, but it has no versimilitude for me.

They would become a navagation hazard, enough of one which would cause beings to avoid the system. If it was unavoidable, a "relocation" or displacement policy would solve much of the issue.

Once their crashing tactic was discovered, simply keeping your disance or a good set of asteroid shields negates part of it. (Thought they might take out an occasional small craft or stupid captain's ship.)

A couple of automated drones with beam banks should be able to contain these beings in their own planet, unless the galactic culture was overly naive or legally bound.

Sure they might escape the system before this was in place, but that would put a minimal number into space.

Nicely done. Someone might use it.

Oh. Can you put an extra line return between paragraphs to facilitate ease of reading. Go to Comment
Gamma Goblins
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Space)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-07-08 04:41 PM
This is a pre release comment - to be deleted or ignored when released.

Okay a couple of things..
A description section: I know they are like goblin.. yet there are different visualizations of goblins out there.

What are they like socially? Is there one big boss of each pod or for the entire crew? Is their a hive mind? Who directs what they copy or what projects do they do?

Are driven to copy things? Is there a psych issue here? why do they do this?

What are they like when they are not building things?

What was their little culture like pre-star tech contact? How mechanically inclined were they before? I would think they would be adequite mechnicians/ technicians just given their aptitudes. This would give them some technical abilities seperate from their photographic memory. (And this is all it is, 3d photographic memory).

And how did they get the raw materials to make to make the parts to put a ship together? Sure they could of picked up some parts from the wreck, but how did they get enough to make a copy. And that is the problem, they would of had to make a copy of that ship.. so unless it landed undamaged.. they would have no parts to make said ship since they can only copy. (or maybe the crew had a tpk and they took off from there?

This is a pre release comment - to be deleted when released Go to Comment
Continual Stones
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-08-25 11:37 AM
Domestic Magic. Always fun.

You should add
*Mend (mends worn fabric)
*Binds (Effectively acts as a glue for two pieces)
And so on....

(If you could put a space between each stone so they don't run together, that would be nice.) A header star or mark might be nice as well.

How long do these things stay "charged"? At a trivial price, if they lasted forever, eventually there would be little to no need for them.. as they would be passed on to others as people die off.

You need to show how stones are activated or deactivated. Otherwise the heat stone would be a utter pain to move.

And I linked this to everything appropriate that I could remember Go to Comment
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