Do you have any suggestions as to how I could smooth it? I've resolved the spelling errors but I take it that are other mistakes that I've overlooked? Are there any punctuation or grammatical errors that currently mar the sub? Sorry if I'm asking a stupid question here, but I'd just like to know the type of problems that need to be resolved. Thanks for commenting by the way. Go to Comment
Point noted, AG. You're right, this sub was a bit lacking when it comes to suitably dramatic elements. I'll have to rectify that for my future subs. I'm afraid that it might have something to do with the fact that it's been barely a month since I stopped churning out academic essays. :) Go to Comment
AG is right. Your tales set in the Kingdom of Mus would be entertaining to most adults and it goes without saying that children would overwhelmingly find them enjoyable to read. Cinderpaws is a nice example of creating a well-told story based on an extremely simple theme. Go to Comment
I really like this character. Among all the vampires that have appeared on this site, Alexis is probably one of the more interesting ones that have been created. A religious zealot trapped in an accursed, undying shell and doomed to roam the world until his god decides to offer him slavation. Add the fact that he is a bona fide vampire slayer in his own right and you get a character who could interact in mnay interesting ways with a PC band of vampire slayers. Go to Comment
What sverigesso and Muro said. This is a unique sub and as far as were-villains go, Ianna is bound to be one of the more interesting characters that the PCs will meet. I'm sure that with her begining to abuse her gifts for her own selfish purposes, it would only be a matter of time before she becomes a bona fide villian. Oh and just for the heck of it, I'd love to pit her against one of Muro's were toads. The PCs might find it interesting to see a man sized toad attempt to swallow a dog sized mosquito. :) Go to Comment
Good, practical item with an elven touch. I like that part about having to meditate on the fluid grace of the plant, which strikes me as a typically elven thing. I'm guessing that this plant derived armour is mostly invulnerable to fire? Go to Comment
It is quite a neat item. Something that a low to mid level adventuring party might find both fascinating and useful as long as it dosen't get them into scrapes. If you could conceal it well enough, you could even use this to publicly disgrace a powerful and influential enemy. Go to Comment
A solid, somewhat twisted sub. I like the way you've turned a prized speces of aqutic pet into a ravening horror. I do feel though that you could expand on this sub even further. As now sentient beings, these tangs are going to have motivations that go beyond vengeance alone. You could even make them into a distinct Acquan race with some work. Go to Comment
This is a beautiful and cinematic piece of work that could be inserted effortlessly into any oceanic setting. I love what you've done in going beyond the teachings of the Jovian Church, to demonstrate Ma-O's deeper origins are a creature that is the very emodiment of the ocean's fearsome nature. Go to Comment
A rather amusing character and the details about his numerous disguises and his penchant for employing magical boots add some colour to what would otherwise be an undistingushed, small-time smuggler. Not bad at all. Go to Comment
As usual, I enjoy your droll style of narrative writing. Moreover, I also like the personal quirks that you've added to this guy, as well as the ironic suggestion that he was expelled from the Univarsity precisely becuase he was a more competant mage that his fellow students and teachers. The only complaint I have, is that while giving him a demonic background was a unqiue twist on the orignal entry, it should merited somewhat more attention. After all, it's not an every day occurance for some hell-spawned fiend to bear a part-human infant. All in all though, this is a rather enjoyable sub. Go to Comment
A well executed sub with a back story that adds great depth and gritty realism to their story. This tale actually reminds me of the American Civil War, during which armies of driven and motivated Conferdarate volunteers repeatedly beat back much larger but mostly demoralised armies sent forth by the Union. Go to Comment
A floating, bloody head, long separated from its body, is a particular legend among a very particular group of people, executioners, specifically those that chop heads from a block for a living. It was that infamous highway robber, Oazduke the Vengeful, who when finally captured and put to the axe, screamed his foul hex, seconds before his head flew off.
"You will know it is me when I'm through
A curse on your ilk and on you!
May my severed head haunt you eternal
Frightening you headsmen infernal!"
Years later, not one but two(!) weary, puffy-eyed, spooked, headsmen, haunted day and night by Oazduke's insufferable severed head, approach the party cleric in order to hire him to exorcise the ghost head once and for all.